How Do I Get Through The Lonely Day
I thought my family was coming today so I made no other plans; but to my mistake I missed the phone call so I began to clean up the mess from painting. It is amazing how you are staying in one room painting. Rearranging furniture, wall photos and miscellaneous and yet the entire house becomes a disaster.
So with three rooms painted you can imagine what my home looks like now. Al would be upset…
I thought my family was coming today so I made no other plans; but to my mistake I missed the phone call so I began to clean up the mess from painting. It is amazing how you are staying in one room painting. Rearranging furniture, wall photos and miscellaneous and yet the entire house becomes a disaster.
So with three rooms painted you can imagine what my home looks like now. Al would be upset with me right now. I keep walking in and out of there trying to make the room the way he would like it. He would be trying to listen to Bonanza on the TV and he would say something but then try his best to ignore me.
While putting a way things where they belong I run across other items that go in another spot. I had to find my automobile policy showing I was now covered for the next year. While going through the desk I found many papers on Al.
The tears started rolling down my cheeks. I placed them in an Al pile and will file all at a later time. I had a three-tier, plastic storage cart from which I had used in Al’s room. It held all types of bandages, medicines and such.
I cried like a big baby while sorting out what needed to be discarded. I brought the unit out and placed it in my bathroom. Out of the cupboard I pulled out another container that had medicines. I cried once again disposing of outdated ointments etc.
There was a couple of pairs of finger nail clippers and some files that the caregiver and I used for Al. On one of the pairs of clippers was the smallest of nail remaining. Of course after noticing it I lost it.
I sat down on the bathroom floor and bawled my eyes out. I miss Al so bad today. I don’t think I am ready to deal with anymore than just the painting of his room yet. Especially not today when I am all alone.
The first warm day we have had and I have no doubt if Al was here we would be going antiquing for sure. Al I miss you so much today. I hope you are seeing plenty of vintage cars and coca cola in heaven. When is this broken heart going to mend? It feels like never.
If anyone still wishes to help by donating to the nursing home fund, here is the link.
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/k1d4/unexpected-2-expenses-from-my-brother-s-death
#FWF Free Write Friday; Quote Prompt
“We started dying before the snow, and like the snow, we continued to…
“We started dying before the snow, and like the snow, we continued to fall.” — Louise Erdrich, Tracks
We started dying before the snow
And like the snow, we continued to fall
The relationship I had counted on for years to come
Had stopped when I stood by in the shadows
My heart beat faster, my breathing quickened
As I watched her replacing my lips
And tears began to fall and I tasted salt
Blinking because I wanted to watch it all
He is ripping my heart into bits of a puzzle
As I see him caressing her hair
What had I done to cause him to turn
The words on his lips that used to be mine
I knew in my heart as the snow began and then stopped
The virgin flakes transferred from mine to her
She was willing to give the one thing I could not
And as I watched them kneel and then lay one on one
My hands bled into the other
For what he desired he was fulfilling this moment
As I stood in the shadows and the snow once again began to fall.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
01.12.2014
I wanted so badly
To grow up
But no one told me
Broken hearts
And falling walls
Could touch me
In places that
Were once virgin
Stretching out my
Arms to you as
You walk by
I touch my baby
I carry within
And I cry as
I see we are over
I want to go back
Take my time
Do not hurry
Start all
Over again
Now I am old
And the child is grown
And I look out
Over the horizons
And wonder if you
Are still traveling
Strumming your
Love songs
That play on your heart.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
9/11/2013
Never Saying Goodbye
Mind is screaming
Body aching
Fingers scratching
Soul is torn
Flesh is eaten
Heart is broken
As I…
Mind is screaming
Body aching
Fingers scratching
Soul is torn
Flesh is eaten
Heart is broken
As I lay here
In my bed tonight
Alone wondering
Where you are
Who are you with
Guts wrenching
Vomit on the floor
I am aching for you
Together we always were
Then you found her face
And you walked away
Never looking back
Never saying goodbye.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
07/14/2013
Standing in front http://youtu.be/JXmUYdOVJtc
Of the mirror
Seeing someone
I have visited before
But now red eyes
And teary stained face
Look back at me
As I miss
My baby tonight
Come back my love
Forget what I said
Words were spoken
Before it was thought
I don’t want to
Live another
Night without you
Please forgive
Me for hurting
You so
Don’t make me suffer
As I have suffered
Enough for the
Two of us
Don’t make me
Reach out to
An empty pillow
Please my baby
Please come home
Terry Shepherd
04/24/2013
Who I am 