Path of Life

A very dear friend of mine has shared this song with me. I love that some of you have come to my Facebook and asked to be a friend of mine. It gives me a chance to reach out and chat with others who may not suffer with PD. We all have problems of some kind. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but there has been a time that you need your friends surrounding you. A shoulder to cry on, someone who will listen to your woes.

I cried like a big baby when I listened to the words to this song. This is something that I try very hard not to be selfish, but darn, it is the most difficult thing I have done in many years. To sit back and not think of what I want.

I am weak and yet I have days where I am stronger than my worst enemy. But there is someone stronger than me. His name is Al. I have the opportunity to sit behind this screen and pour out my heart to you. Who does my brother have? He has his God. When I was cleaning his room the other day I was surprised at the wear and tear that is showing on his Bible. He uses it every day, several times a day.

This book that he goes to for comfort has torn edges and turned back pages. I imagine that if my brother goes before me I will treasure this Bible along with my hidden memories. I will pick it up from the shelf it rest upon and I will  hug it to my bosom. I will cry for missing him and I will cry for  his release from pain.

This song reminds me that each day Al lives he is nearing his wonderful journey home. To even write that sentence I felt the worst stabbing of pain. It branded my heart and sent tears to my eyes without my even realizing.

To lose someone is something we have all experienced. We send flowers, we show our love by going to the funeral home. We send cards and give hugs and words of encouragement.

But when it is all over, we sit in our own corner of life and we are forced to begin the healing process or we die inside. For me I am trying to start the reality of his journey ahead of time.

I have been in denial for a long time. I listen with intense burning at others words. I light candles for hope of a cure. I pledge myself for the cure of PD and I beg others to pledge along with me.

I look back to when my own Daddy was dying. I talked to every non-profit organizations. I walked for Light The Night for Leukemia. Yet God wanted my precious Daddy and he left this earth anyways.

This is the fight that is within me. The fight to never give up until the last breath is taken. This is where my pillar stands tall and the light on my candle shines brightest. I am going to lose this game, I know it deep in my pit. But until that day, that moment, that second arrives I will not give up. I will always have a glimmer of hope.

I will look at the heavens and cry for help. I will continue to come to my friends here at WP for added fuel. To God it is a blink of an eye in time, but for me it has been 57 years so far. If it be thy will Lord please let me have a few more years. But if you want him more than I do, I promise I will step aside and not stop you, but the tears will fall and I will be on bended knees and my heart will hurt.

https://www.facebook.com/michaeljfoxfoundation?v=app_448952861833126&rest=1

Type Terry in the Search Views and please vote for my brother. Help cure PD. You can vote once every hour until the end of this month.

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/view.cfm?l=eng&c=18304661

Please go and light a candle in Al’s name, a group you will find with his name. Please light the candle in Al’s journey.

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Light A Candle

Light A Candle.

Please light a candle for my brother Al and pass it on

Lighting a Special Candle

I don’t know if most of you know about the lighting of the candle. I know it has spread

rapidly throughout Facebook.

I am asking everyone that had any emotions running rampant from the shooting of those precious babies in CT to follow me. Tomorrow 12/23/ and 12/24, we are all gathering together, and lighting candles periodically over the day. You may choose to light a real one at times or leave an electric one on all through the two days. I will start tomorrow and have an electric one running and from time to time light a real one.

I want to say a prayer.

Lord, our heavenly father. We do not know the reason why these precious babies were taken so early from our earth. I have to trust that you had the perfect reason. I know that each of these precious ones are now sitting on your lap and they are smiling looking into your eyes. They have forgotten all about what has happened, but we here on earth have not forgotten. It remains fresh in our minds even a week and a day later. Lord stay close to the families that are hurting so badly. Help them by showing your love on Christmas morning, as this has to be such a difficult time for them. I am sure there were presents under the trees. Oh how my own heart breaks for them. Take care of them Lord, like you do for the birds that fly in our skies. Love them and comfort them. Let them know that we the world care and we are lighting our candles for them. I love you God and I know you have heard this prayer. Love them as you do me. Amen.

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I Am In Heaven!

I don’t know what happened today while the shower lady was here, but I think I will not question it, nor will I make any unexpected noises in the house. I feel like I am back in my first apartment, when I left my ex. The little box I lived in was all mine, peace rang through out the walls. I lived it and loved it, and only gave it up once I started caring for Al.

Tonight, Al ate fairly well with no gagging or choking and he finished all of his supper. He told me after he was finished, that he was going to his bedroom to read his bible instead of staying out here with me and watching his two favorite shows, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. I was a little shocked but said nothing. I cleaned up the kitchen and came over to my best friend here in the house, my computer. This is where I reach out to all of my good friends I have made through out the years.

Well time ticked by and still no Al. I got a tiny bit concerned and so decided to quietly tip toe in his room and make sure all was well, and it was, and I was greeted with a small smile. He has continued to stay in his room the whole evening. Of course, now that I have written this, he will be out here any moment. This is just the way life works, like saying your car is such a good running car, and then when you get in it tomorrow to go to work, the starter has gone out!

Well, after I realized he was not coming out, I quickly changed the television to the music station, and landed on the jazz from the forties, fifties, and sixties. How relaxing is this? Pretty darn relaxing! Cheek to Cheek by Mark Murphy is now playing. I had forgotten how much I love a good song. I am not being forced to watch American Pickers or Storage Wars. I am not saying I don’t enjoy them, but come on, the whole night long?

Then the creative juices started flowing inside of my tired brain. I peeked in on him once again, and still got the smile, so I sneaked into my bathroom and shut my door and lit my candles and ran myself a nice warm bath.

I love my bathroom, since I have fixed it up with oldies and Victorian items. Light the candles, and lie in a bubble bath, with only the glow of the candles bouncing their reflections of the walls and my bubbles.

I was in heaven, let me tell you. I have had the stiffest neck and shoulders for the last 24 hours, and although the pain is not entirely gone, most of it is. I took my time, soaking, then got out and dried off. I brushed my hair 100 strokes, until most of it fell out from old age. LOL. I got dressed in my pretty nightie and went into my bedroom and began to trim and file my toenails. Wow, I once again thought,  I am in heaven!!!!!

I am so thankful for what ever happened to give me these two quiet hours. God if this was you’re doing, I praise your name over and over on bended knee. If this had to do with our new shower girl, I whisper to you , a big thank you. One more thing, could who ever made this happen possibly make it happen again one day next week?????

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Illuminating Blogger Award

http://brianwilliamsen.wordpress.com

I was nominated this beautiful award by a beautiful person, Brian. I love reading Brian’s blogs.There are many good Bible lessons and stories to read and I am always learning through reading each one. Thank you Brian for thinking of me and nominating me for this. Make sure to check out the link above!

The rules are for this award:

1.Leave a comment on the original award site

2.Choose a random fact about yourself to share

3.Choose 5 bloggers to pass the torch to

Alright, a random thought about me,

I started writing poetry in the second grade, and one of them was entered in the school contest, and it made its way to the principal’s office to hang on the wall.

For my five nominations I choose:

writerwannabe763
hometogo232.wordpress.com

SR
bearingheavycrosses.wordpress.com

forhisgloryandpraise
forhisgloryandpraise.wordpress.com

Pink Ninjabi
pinkninjabi.com

buckwheatsrisk.com

deenakdrowaln.wordpress.com

viveka
mygulitypleasures.wordpress.com

I know I went a little over the limit, but I was trying to sneak in so many, sorry. I am allowed one mistake a day. Why?, because my mother told me so many years ago.

 

Thanks again Brian!!!

A Birthday To Remember

Happy Birthday Coca-Cola (Photo credit: The Rocketeer)

Although I never know how each of my days will go nor end up, the excitement is building  up inside of me as the day approaches. My brother’s birthday is coming in the beginning of May. As children we never had elaborate birthdays at a Chuckey Cheese, or the roller skating rink. We never had over night slumber parties. Our birthdays were celebrated with grandparents being invited and maybe a neighbor kid near by. Mom would always bake an angel food cake and decorate it with an icing made out of the clear Karo syrup. She would buy a store-bought kit, with the hard sugared candies. Do you remember them? You soaked them in water, which loosened them from the white paper. They were complete with candy letters spelling out happy birthday, and candy candle holders. Mom would put the appropriate number of candles on the cake. The highlight would be, they would sing a happy birthday to him or me. We would feel embarrassment while they all sang, then we would blow out our candles. They would clap. We would open our gifts we received, and loved what we opened. While mom would cut the cake and get coffee and plates out, we would take off with our new gifts to play, sometime later coming back to eat a piece of our special cake. When I ponder back to those days, each birthday was preprogrammed. Each year was done exactly the same way. I grew to count on those special days. I would give anything to have a preprogrammed birthday today. Most of my family is deceased now, so I am left to my memory files. This is alright though. They bring many smiles and comfort to me when I visit. Now, as I care for my brother, it is painstakingly hard to admit that I don’t know if my brother will be here next year with me or living in a facility with strangers. That thought causes huge goose bumps to pop up all over my arms. I don’t think I am ready to accept, although I have had thoughts of it. I have never told you this, but my brother is very limited in his sights. He sees one path, one road, one item. He has never been able to grasp more than one idea at a time. His love of his life is not of human form. It is red. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Round, tall, short, flat, old, new. It is the coca cola collection. When times are good for him, I can say that word ever so softly, and his eyes light up, his ears perk up and the chatter runs like salmon swimming upstream. Have you ever seen movies or pictures of salmon swimming up-stream? It is an awesome sight. They do not stop, continually moving and jumping. This is my brother, when he is with the love of his life. I have already started the planning process. I have invited guests, friends, his  part-time caregiver, my kids. I want this to be the most special birthday ever for him. I want him to rattle on about it for days on end. I will be guaranteed many smiles, and stars in his eyes. There will be a cook out with many food items brought in. A campfire roaring. Everyone will be at ease and laid back. There will be lots of conversations with laughter.  I have ordered him a special cake. A very special cake. A white cake, with butter cream icing, with lots of bright-colored butter cream flowers. On top of the cake will be his name in writing. There will be no candles on this cake, as I do not want to frustrate him by him not being able to blow out the candles. There will be no singing, as I do not want him to be confused with days gone by and today. There may be clapping or words of praise . On top of the cake will be the most elaborate decorations of all. It will all be done in coca cola.