Sunny day, no clouds, no unexpected news today, and yet here I sit, anxious, stressed out, insides are shaking, but still on the outside. Going about my day, doing my usual works. Neck is hurting, legs are restless. I need to get out of here. I need to experience something new in my life. This month is my birthday. Time is slipping away from me. I feel like I have not done that much with my life. Who will remember me? What have I done that is so special that when my death is mentioned, they will say, do you remember when she did this, or said that, or produced this? A birthday to me no longer means a birthday gift. It is a reflection of my life and what I have accomplished. God wants me to love and follow him. To love thy neighbor as myself. I feel like I work at this each day, but it is still not enough for me. I want something else. A relationship with someone who loves me? A brother that I can heal? New house, car? What material thing is there that could satisfy me to point of never needing or wanting another thing in my life. Nothing. Materialism is not the answer. I have to be content with the fact that every TV show I see, or ad I read in a magazine is not necessarily for me. I don’t have to be the perfect size 2. I don’t have to have a designer label in every piece of clothing I wear. I don’t have to have a Mercedes in my drive way, nor a million dollar home. I need one close confidant/friend in my life. I don’t need to be the center of attention and invited to every social outing in town. I need to accept that God made me. I am perfect in his eye. He accepts me for my weight gain or loss, whether I eat organic or not. Whether I have sweats on or designer jeans. He made me who I am so he can work miracles through me. This is my job, my goal. I need to tune out what society is trying to sell, and learn to quit stressing out. To calm down. To enjoy the day. To be glad I am who I am and where I have been placed.