Chapter 4

A picture of a door handle.

Laurie and Jane walked to the clinic, and both girls stood outside for a minute. Jane said, ” I don’t know if I really want to do this. What if I find out I am pregnant? What will I do then”? Laurie put her arm around her friend and said  in a matter of fact tone, ” And what if you find out you are not? We won’t know until we go in there. Now come on silly girl, let’s get this over”!

Jane timidly placed her hand on the door handle and both girls walked in. Jane  went to the seats that were in the waiting room and sat. Laurie went to the receptionist window and announced her friend’s name.

Sally, the  receptionist handed her a clipboard with some white pages attached to it, and  said, ” Have your friend fill these out, and then have her bring them back to me”. Laurie took them from her and walked over to where Jane was sitting and handed her the paperwork.

Jane filled out the paper work, while Laurie rambled on in Jane’s ear. After finishing the required forms, Jane slowly walked up to the window, and as she handed her the completed file, the receptionist asked,” Do you have any insurance Jane”? Jane nodded no, and the receptionist noted this on her file, then asked, ” Do you have any cash on you? This visit will cost ten dollars”.

Jane again nodded no, and then Laurie appeared at her side, and whipped out a ten-dollar bill, and said,” Here is the money, now it is paid”. With this being done, the receptionist told them to have a seat, that they would be called next.

The two girls went back to where they had been sitting, and Laurie started talking about what they were going to do once they left here. They could go to the park, or maybe go get something to eat, but the words fell on empty ears, as Jane was in her own world at the moment.

The announcement was made, a young lady was calling Jane’s name. Jane stood up to go and looked back at her friend. She grabbed a hold of her hand, and said, ” Come with me, I don’t want to go in there alone”. With this the two girls went through the door separating them from the waiting room and the doctor.

They only waited a moment, and then Beth, the nurse walked in. She looked at the two girls and asked, “Which one of you is the patient”? Jane replied, ” I am”. With this being decided, the nurse took Jane’s temperature, and listened to her heart. She made some notations on the new file for Jane. She then reached up into the glass cupboard doors, and grabbed a plastic cup. She took it to Jane and said, ” I need you to take this cup and go into the bathroom. When you pull your panties down, you will see some disposable wipes. Wipe yourself from front to back, and then urinate in the cup. Then leave the cup on the back of the stool, and I will come in and get it”.

Jane’s face turned bright red, as she did not usually talk about going to the bathroom. She took the cup from Beth, and walked across the hall, doing what she had been told to do. Soon she walked back in and told the nurse she was finished, and then the nurse disappeared out of the room.

The two girls sat there quietly. They looked the room over, standing up and walking to each picture hanging on the wall, and looking through the glass cupboard doors at all the strange things sitting in there.

Soon the door opened and this time it was not Beth, but instead if was a doctor. He introduced himself as Doctor Bill, and he took the file of Jane’s and sat it on the counter top, reading the results.

He looked at the girls, and asked, ” Which one of you is Jane”? Jane rose her hand half-way, and the doctor asked, ” Do  your parents know that you are here”? Jane shook her head no. The doctor continued, ” You may want to explain to them where you have been, because the test results for pregnancy are positive. You can have your parents call me if they have any questions”.

Jane’s eyes began to water, and Laurie sat dumbfounded. The doctor walked over to where Jane was sitting and shook her hand and wished her good luck in her future. Doctor Bill then opened the door and closed it behind him, leaving the girls to sit there and digest the news.

Beth came back into the room, and sat in the empty chair beside the girls. She handed Jane some pamphlets explaining childbirth. Jane started to look through them, but when she came to the second page, and saw the diagram of a uterus, she closed the pages.

The nurse explained to Jane that she  had options. She said,” Not every woman is always ready for raising  a child. If, after you talk to your parents about this, and you decide you do not want to keep your baby, there is always adoption”. Beth handed her another handbook, that explained the process of adoption, and then asked Jane if she had any questions, and Jane nodded no.

With the conversation being ended, Beth led the two girls back out through the door, and said,” If you need someone to talk to or have any questions, just come back and see me Jane. I know this is going to be a tough decision for you, and there will be many changes in your life”.

Jane gave a small smile, and turned and walked through the exit door. The two girls went immediately to the soda fountain. They found a booth towards the back of the restaurant. The lights were dim,  and no one sat this close to the door that led to the kitchen. The girls could talk here in private.

Too Emotional

I don’t know what I would do without any of you, I really don’t. Now I am in the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life, and believe me there are tears this time. I can not stop


them. I have had bad news and more bad news on top, pertaining to Al, and I just can not speak of right now. Please be understanding with why I have not blogged since yesterday. Please be patient with me, and hopefully I will be back to a more normal person tomorrow, able to speak of what is happening.

I love you all, and would give anything if any of you were here with me.

Talk to you soon.


40 Freaking Years?

In the top picture of course I am the little girl at five years old when my dad and step-mother got married. My mom told me years later, that each gift they opened, I sat in my chair and kept saying let me see it, let me see it!

In the choir photo I am in the third row up, second from the left, in grade nine. Look at that flip on my hair ends. This was produced from rolling on huge rollers then sleeping on them each night. I would never attempt this today, I want to feel that fluffy pillow calling my name.

The bottom photo is me today. I don’t know what to think about it. I have produced three great children, worked in burger joints, worked for the telephone company as a phone operator, worked in retail stores and grocery stores at seasonal times, and worked as a mommy also. I owned my own antique business for several years, refinishing antique furniture. I have been a professional caregiver for over 20 years, caring for strangers and family. Today, I still care for family and also write.

Tomorrow evening I am going to my 40th class reunion. I have never attended any before so this is my first. I am really being shy, knowing I have gained weight, am a divorced woman, and do not have a so-called career. What am I going to talk about? Do I have anything to say besides caring for Al? Will anyone find my life interesting enough to hang around and chat for a while? Will they look at my name tag and stand back in shock because I am not the smaller version of me with no tum-tum?

I am really nervous, but I have to go. I may not be around for the next one, and I really do want to see old friends, and besides, I have a caregiver expected to be here so I can have time for myself. Now let’s kick my butt and head me towards that door!