Daily Prompt; Childhood Revisited/ The Daily Post

Another Carriage Shot


Sure, you turned out pretty good, but is there anything you wish had been different about your childhood? If you have kids, is there anything you wish were different for them?

Even though I was a kid and didn’t understand life and how events could help mold your future, it happens. I think most of us are molded somewhat by what our environment was while we grew up.

For me, I always sensed somewhere within me that I didn’t fit in. Oh no one ever said it out loud. No one ever told me I wasn’t wanted or loved. It was just something I felt. Maybe images that remained in my head buried alive, but somehow they came out maybe during sleep or dreams.

As I got older I learned I had two mothers. One who tossed me a way and one who did her very best to love me and take care of me. For this I will be ever grateful as my step-mother was a wonderful woman.

She not only held this newly acquired family together she was a very smart lady. She held a respected position in her work force. She did many wonderful, moving things for the community.

I can‘t even say at this moment so many years later if it was her or I. I  suspect it was more me than her. Hidden images, words and memories helped me to block a relationship from growing into a beautiful flower. Instead I blamed her for the break-up of my parents.

This of course was ridiculous. My real mother didn’t want my brother and I. She  was a rotten player that didn’t want anyone else to have us either. She and our father played cat and mouse games for a couple of years until the divorce finally became legal. Our new step-mother met our tiny little family and took us in no questions asked. I was the one who held out over jealousies. I am so ashamed of this today.

There are many things that we learn through maturing in our lives. I am so grateful that I did turn myself around and make amends with our step-mom before she passed on. I can see things clearly today that were so foggy when I was growing up.

Divorce is a wonderful and wicked thing. It frees the two that married but if there is any damages left hanging it can latch on to the children and even the adults. Don’t get me wrong. I am not dogging divorce. There are instances when it is definitely needed. It is how we handle life after the papers are signed.

For me I have been married and divorced also. Stupid mistakes I have made, maybe not fighting hard enough for what belonged to me. The point is I messed up. I looked more at my own inner pain and was blinded to what I was doing to my own children. I love my children to death but I believe if I would have acted in a more mature way things would be different today.

As many years as I have been divorced I can still see fragments of those days gone by. I can not turn back the clock. I can apologize until I am blue in the face but some images still remain in their eyes.

So now that I see what has passed, I would go back and although it was very easy to see me above anyone else, I would work so much over-time at placing my kids first above my own needs. After all, I was still molding them into young adults.

Daily Prompt; Gimme/ The Daily Post

Was there a special gift or toy you wanted as a child but never received? What was

English: 1961 Ford Falcon Advertisment



I sat here for so long looking at the question. I even got up and went and did a couple of things pondering on how to answer this. I have never lied on here, and so I really don’t want to end this year with starting a bad habit.

The fact is, my parents always got me what I wanted. I am not going to say I was a spoiled brat like you may be thinking; I wasn’t. My parents must have instilled in me that we always had what we needed. I can remember way back to when I was a child, I asked for only one gift for Christmas or birthdays.

Today, children, and teens seem to have a list that is quite long of various items wanted. It was different when I was a child. Dad always said, we put clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and food in your mouth. What else could you want?

I think there was validity in that statement. He was teaching me that as parents, they were loving me and educating me, so anything else was desires. So getting that special doll or bike was a thrill. My dad knew a neighbor well enough that one year for Christmas I received a hand-made doll bed. It was very nice and could hold several baby dolls along with blankets.

Another year this same gentleman hand-made me a marble game. To look at this piece of puzzle was amazing. It had a hole at the top that you could place one or many marbles. The marbles traveled down at a zig zag speed and ended up in a box that held them in place, until you scooped them up in your little hands and started the whole process over again.

My brother and I played with the red marble game for years. I even passed it down to my own kids who also enjoyed it. A bag or marbles, what a cheap price to pay for hours of unlimited entertainment.

When I became a teenager, my parents bought me a radio to have in my own bedroom, and when I had a serious boyfriend, he bought me what was called back in the days, a receiver with two speakers. Great sounds, AM and FM stations. It was wonderful and I felt very special.

When it was time for me to drive on my own, my parents bought me my first car. A black 1961 Ford Falcon. It cost them one hundred dollars. It was small and a four door with an AM radio that I could crank up to my listening level. I drove it to work at my part-time job as a waitress. I put the gas in it and helped pay half of the auto insurance. I was a very proud young lady. I had my own set of wheels. I was not allowed to drive it for pleasure until I had proven that I was trustworthy. I could not drive it to school either.

Respect is what my parents gifted me with. Respect for the law, the work place, friendships, and for others. I should have been gifting them all of those years, instead of the other way around.

I had good parents. We squabbled but what families do not. I was trying to gain my independence, and they didn’t like it when I tried to go outside of the line. Today my parents are in heaven. So for the final statement of this Daily Prompt, I will just look up the heavens and say, great job Mom and Dad. You showed me you loved me by guiding me into this big world with patience, love and laughter.

You Asked Me

Mother and child

Mother and child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Nobody wants bad news. You ask me how I am doing today, and I smile briefly, and say fine. I turn quickly so you don’t see the tears starting to fall. A lump forms in my throat, as I still see you sitting beside me, like it was yesterday, us both talking and laughing over iced tea. You combed my hair after my bath. You bought me pretty ribbons for my hair. You tucked me in at nights and told me beautiful bed time stories. We went school shopping and I tried on lots of dresses. We went and got ice cream afterwards. You cried when you saw me receive my kindergarten graduation diploma. Learning to ride my bike wasn’t that bad, because you ran the whole way with me until the tires didn’t wiggle anymore. Kissing boo boos and big hugs was your specialty. The smell of chocolate chip cookies drifting through my nose as I came home from school. Vacations to Disney World will never be forgotten. I whispered in your ear, that I was in love. You helped me buy my first prom dress. You held me when my heart was broken. You were there when I said I Do. I saw another tear, a tear of joy. You were the first to hold your grandchild. Another tear streamed down your face from joy. You ask me how I am doing today, and I smile briefly, and say fine. I turn quickly as another tear begins to fall, and this time it is mine. My mama has been gone one year ago today.

Dedicated to Trina