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Weekly Photo Challenge; Habit

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/08/weekly-photo-challenge-habit/, #Post a day

This week,…

Weekly Photo Challenge; Habit

Posted on November 9, 2013 by Who I am

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/08/weekly-photo-challenge-habit/, #Post a day

This week, show us something that’s a HABIT. It could be your daily walk to the bus stop, or your daily paper lying on the doorstep. Maybe it’s the guy behind the counter at the deli you always visit for lunch, the stuffed bunny your child must have at bedtime, or the view from your desk as you sit down to blog.

Capture a moment both constant and fleeting. We look forward to the glimpses into your everyday.

Every day is the same, whether it is Monday or Sunday. I get the coffee pot on. I brush my teeth and wash my face, and run a comb through my hair.

If all is quiet, I hurry and turn the computer on, hoping to get a jump start on emails, responding to friends on FB and getting ideas for writing.

Once Al is up, it is feeding time, bathing time, clean clothes and changing the bed. Somewhere in there I try to gulp down that first cup of coffee with razor in one hand and cup in the other.

Life speeds by those first minutes in the morning. After that is over I fill my cup back up and sit at the computer. I smoke a cigarette and drink some more coffee. Then I go feed the cat, take my diabetic medicine, clean the cat box and then I hear the bell ring. Time to go see what Al needs.

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And I Smiled

From the moment I woke up this morning I have been the best darn actress I could; until late this…

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And I Smiled

Posted on October 14, 2013 by Who I am

From the moment I woke up this morning I have been the best darn actress I could; until late this afternoon. I must have woke up on the wrong side of bed. I was pretty busy yesterday and I don’t know if age, or the over-time of caring for Al did it, but I was darn tired, but I smiled.

From the moment I made that first cup of coffee and had that one sip, Al was ringing he was ready to get up. Inside my head I was yelling, no not yet. My coffee cup isn’t empty yet, but I smiled.

Then the phone rang earlier than usual. It was the shower gal letting me know when she was coming. Looking at the clock and hearing Al, I knew it was now or never. Time to force those eyes open, get the muscles in gear, and go get him up.

He is half laying in bed. How this illness helps him do it, I don’t know, but his head was frozen in mid-air. If I tried to do that, I would have a headache for sure. Rhino, the cat hissed at me because he didn’t like it I was hovering over Al. I took a moment to sweet-talk him and then got Al up and I smiled.

I got his breakfast and then tried to take a few moments to drink my lukewarm coffee when I discovered someone had tried to look into my credit. This pissed me off. I had let others ruin my credit in the past and it took me many years to fix it and be on top again. No one was doing this to me, not on a Monday morning for sure.

The shower gal came; I smiled. I eventually got Al on the bus and then I got some disappointing news. Nothing bad or serious but sad. That made my day just a little rougher. I was definitely on a roll of the biggest pity party in town.

Then I would mentally kick myself, reminding me I wasn’t the sick one, Al was. I would stand strong again. I bounced back and forth like a rubber ball until it was time to meet Al’s Hospice nurse late this afternoon. We saw each other at the main door and I smiled.

We talked about the gloom that lingered in Al’s room all weekend and then when she visited Al some of my mood must have rubbed off at breakfast because he also wasn’t in a good mood.

After the meeting the nurse wanted to talk to the Day Program coordinator about some new medication orders. I was sitting in the threesome listening to the conversation when I turned and looked out the tiny window in her office. There was a bush, with its bare branches starting to show, from fall being here. On top was a sparrow sitting there all by himself. He looked lonely.

I saw myself in him. I was lonely. How can I be lonely when I had a good day yesterday with family? Don’t ask me, because I don’t know. I stay so busy with Al I would think I wouldn’t have time to think about the word, but I did.

Suddenly right in the middle of the meeting the tears began to fall and soon I was weeping. Embarrassed that I was making a fool out of myself right there in my brother’s Day Program and yet not able to stop the tears.

I needed a release I think. Of course I felt more humiliated as the two of them came and patted my shoulder and said words of comfort. I dried my eyes and we said our goodbyes. I got in the car and lit up one of my cigarettes knowing I should quit but not strong enough to do it yet.

I took off out of the parking lot and headed for the gas station. I needed milk and I knew I couldn’t leave the house tomorrow because Al will be home all day. I was thinking about how close it was to Al being brought home on the bus and I didn’t have supper prep work done.

I was about a mile from home and the car turned into a drive-thru. When I got home I had supper on the table and Al came about 15 minutes later. He was quiet and so was I. We ate, I changed him and he wanted in his recliner. I sat here at the computer with my after dinner drink; coffee, checked emails and then laid down while Al napped.

Here it is time to go to bed and now I am awake but I think once my head lays down I will have no trouble going to sleep. After all, tomorrow morning I will hear the sounds of Al wanting to get up first thing. I just hope I have time to drink that first cup of coffee first and I will smile.

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A Seed Was Planted

I started my day off pretty good but as it went on I became more tired, sleepy, worn out and…

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A Seed Was Planted

Posted on September 5, 2013 by Who I am

I started my day off pretty good but as it went on I became more tired, sleepy, worn out and irritable. By the time I had to meet the hospice nurse, I must have looked ragged because she asked, ” what is wrong with you?” I guess my body gave me a way.

I had company this afternoon. The phone rang over and over. It was always about Al. I didn’t even get my 15 minute cat nap today. Oh don’t get me wrong, I would have it no other way. I like knowing Al is home and this is where he will remain.

But gosh dang, my age is starting to catch up with me. What I could do five years ago, I can’t now. What energy I had this morning was gone by afternoon.

I tried to talk Al into letting me transfer him from his wheelchair into the car. I said, ” let’s eat out.”

No was his reply. I brought him in and fixed supper. After supper he brushed his teeth. I emptied his lunch box and cleaned it out. I emptied his back pack and put his show and tell car a way in his room.

Then I changed his brief. He took one look at his room and started crying. I was afraid of this but had to do what I had to do. You see, I don’t like being the mean bitch of the house. But with Al’s illness going at a shooting star http://youtu.be/EUlJsbIXsNo I have to change things around in his room.

With all of his cars that he won’t let me put back in his closet and the ton of coke stuff all over, I have no room to manipulate that wheel chair.

I had to rearrange his room moving his bed to another wall so I can parallel his wheel chair to the bed as he can’t pivot any longer. Of course I explained why I did what I did but he didn’t care.

Well I did care. I cared about whether he was going to fall. If I let him go it would take him about five minutes to move one step. I can’t afford that kind of time so this is once I did what I did for his sake.

After his crying spell was over I left the room and he did nap. I came out to the kitchen and did the dishes. I had pill boxes to refill and his takes a long time to do. Mine is done in about a minute.

I then got his stuff ready for his lunch for tomorrow and got his clothes ready for his shower in the morning. Finally, I was done. I looked at the clock and I had 23 minutes to spare before he would get up according to his routine. I hurriedly got me a nice cup of coffee and came over to the computer. I flipped my game on FB on and was in the middle of the first game and the bell went off.

Crap, double crap he was a wake. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I went in and changed his brief. Lined up the wheelchair and stood him up. I took hold of his one arm to put him in his chair as there was no walking involved and he hung on to the bed for dear life.

I told him to let go that I had him. I think he about broke my back because my mind was on forward as his was on stay. Finally I got it done and he was seated in his wheelchair, transferred then to his recliner.

I started to walk out of his room back to my coffee and he wants to hold cars. Which cars I asked, those cars, which ones bud, those. Fine, I will figure it out. I will get each one down until you tell me I have the right one. Eventually I had the right one for him and came out to my cold cup of coffee.

I suppose I am hurting because I had to stand yesterday at the auction for four hours. My diabetic feet and back can’t take it. In order for me to get fully refreshed and a good day’s start I need 8 hours sleep. Ya, I know, to some that is a lot, but for my body that is what it takes to feel my best.

Day after day I don’t get that. Sometimes six, five, two, I never seem to catch up. I guess a little bit can be contributed to the fact I am almost 60.

While sitting here I remembered I hadn’t opened the mail. I discovered there was mail for Al. Three cards in fact. I want to thank Sandra R. from North Carolina. Thank-you also for the gift you gave to Al, Sandy. Diane S. from Canada, and thank-you for the prayer cloth my friend. Also I want to thank Paula A. from West Yorkshire. Thank-you also for the post card you inserted about Whitby Harbour. I appreciate you sending me my own little card with your photo on it. It is very pretty.

It was at this moment that God had intervened. He knew I was at one of my little breaking points. I was going to sit and cry in my coffee but instead he planted the seed that we had mail.

I took Al’s cards to him and his tears turned into smiles, then I smiled. I am tired, I hurt, I want to sleep for three days at least, but God let me know that you are all standing by me and Al.

God bless and many hugs to each and every one of you who has sent cards. I think in all he has about 21 cards. Remember if anyone wants to send him a feel good card please email me at

tellmenolies2004@yahoo.com

for his address.

As I am getting ready to close on this post I have to say caring for Al is very hard work, but he is working harder at staying functioning. My concerns are nothing to his, and when I get tired, I can stand by you.

Hoping To One Day

Posted on June 3, 2013 by Who I am

Racked with stress, and no sleep Tess gave notice of her job and high-rise apartment in New York City and began her packing. Her parents were from the hills of Tennessee. Born and raised Tess had dreamed of moving up and out one day.

But when things…

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Hoping To One Day

Posted on June 3, 2013 by Who I am

Racked with stress, and no sleep Tess gave notice of her job and high-rise apartment in New York City and began her packing. Her parents were from the hills of Tennessee. Born and raised Tess had dreamed of moving up and out one day.

But when things were too much home always drifted back in her mind. Many nights she cuddled up with her fluffy pillow and cried praying for sleep. After a medical check-up and learning her blood pressure was in danger and the script in her hands for relaxers, she knew she wanted to live again.

Her parents were deceased but the shack she had been born in still stood and it was left to her. She hadn’t stepped foot back for over five years. As the taxi sat in the gravel drive way, she hesitated getting out. Had she made a mistake? She could turn around and go straight back to the city. She could take those pills and somehow make it all work. But the noise, the stress, cold-hearted people. No, she turned the door handle and getting out handed the driver a tip as he took her luggage out of the trunk. She would stay.

The driver smiled and tipped his hat and then backed out throwing dirt behind him. Seemed like he was in a big hurry to leave. She stood staring, memories of years gone by rushing back to face her.

As she fumbled trying to find the old house key, the neighbor walked up to her and shook her hand. Tess had hired Ben a few years back to keep the yard mowed. He had made sure the house inside was secure and kept his eyes on the property.

She had written to him weeks ago and let him know she was coming back home. He took her luggage and the two walked up to the door. He took out his key and unlocked it allowing her in first. He couldn’t help get a nose full of some sweet-smelling perfume.

He watched her walk in. He had never met her in person. She looked nothing like her voice sounded. Cute little bottom, small hips. She walked with a strong stride though like she had been used to being a leader.

He sat down her bags and watched as she gazed over the place. Slowly she walked to each piece of furniture and took off the white sheets. She looked in Ben’s direction and said matter of fact,”you have taken good care of the place. I want you to know I appreciate it.”

“No problem Tess. It was my pleasure. I best be going now and leave you some time to adjust to your new or old surroundings.”

“Do you have to go? It is so quiet here. It feels odd and I would appreciate the company.”

Ben had nothing better to do. He was in his mid forties. He was single. He had never found the right woman yet, but he always hoped. His place was just up the hill, a short walk from here.

“Sure, Tess, I will stay as long as you wish.” She shot him a quick look wondering what he meant by that remark. As long as I wished? He better not get any ideas just because I am alone here.

He took her bags to her bedroom then the two went through the kitchen and rewashed the dishes and eating utensils. He scrubbed the floor and she wiped down the table and chairs and washed the windows.

When they were finished she was tired. “Do you want some coffee? I brought some with me and I see an old coffee pot over here. I am not sure how to work the darn thing. It has no electric cord.”

Ben roared with laughter. “That’s called a perk coffee maker. You put the cold water in with the ground beans and sit it under the fire on the stove. Here, you go get the coffee and I will turn the gas on the stove.”

She went to go get the coffee and he lit the burners. The stove ran on a tank of propane. This reminded him that he would have to make sure the chimney was cleaned and free of critters and nests.

While the coffee was brewing they looked out the windows. She had never remembered how beautiful it was here. It was October and all the trees were so colorful. Oranges and reds and bright yellows.

He must have sensed what she was thinking as he replied,”they are beautiful aren’t they.” The two walked from room to room inspecting what needed to be done tomorrow.

“Do you know anything about building fires Tess? I will check out the fireplace tomorrow. I didn’t do it today as nice as it has been.”

“I’m sure I can figure it out. I watched Papa do it for years. It can’t be that hard.”

“Do you know how to use a shotgun?”

She turned and looked into very dark brown eyes and asked,”why would I need to know how to use a shotgun? Is it dangerous back here in these woods?”

Again he laughed. A laugh that was contagious. Her being tired and getting out of the city renewed her in some odd way. She found herself laughing right a long with him.” No, Tess it is as safe as can be, but the animals. There are bears out here and plenty of fox and coyotes. You never know when you may come face to face with one.”

“Well, no, I have never even had a gun in my hands. Papa used to let me touch his gun after he polished it, but nothing more.”

“Well this is something I will do personally, teach you. You can’t be too careful out here in the woods.”

Tess yawned and he noticed the smooth lines of her lips.”Well, I better get going now. Is there anything else I can help you with Tess?”

“No, I think I will be alright for tonight. Thanks Ben for all of your help. Some day soon I will have to have you and your wife over for dinner.”

“I’d like that but it will just have to be me. I have not married yet, but hoping to one day.” She caught his eye and then walked him to the door. Saying goodnite, she locked the door and went to her bedroom and slept the best she had in years.

The next morning came and Ben drove over her car. It was a small car, nothing special, but he had stored it ever since her parents died. It had been their car and it went with the property. He offered to drive her into town to get some groceries, and she agreed.

On the trip she was in awe at the beauty. Why had she ever wanted to leave this place? What kind of crazy thoughts did she used to have?

Ben introduced her to the butcher and the manager of the store. The two walked down aisle after aisle until she thought she had everything she could possibly need. Flour, sugar, butter, eggs and milk. She was glad she was a good cook. She spent enough time in the kitchen with Mama growing up, she had learned to cook and bake very well.

Helping get her groceries in the house and handing her the keys to the car he bid her goodbye and told her if she needed anything to just give him a ring. The rest of the day she spent cleaning the rest of the house. Thank goodness she had gifted her parents an electric washer and dryer one Christmas. She could remember the old wringer washer Mama had and how much work it was to do just one load.

She dusted cobwebs, took the curtains down and washed them. There was a clothes line and she preferred that over the dryer. She always did like the smell of fresh sheets on her bed. Something she never got to do in the city.

She was finishing up and Ben had came over and was worked on the chimney. He carried some wood in and showed her how to make the fire quick. Soon there was a roaring fire. Shadows were casting from the walls giving the newly cleaned living room a whole different look.

It wasn’t cold anymore. It had warmth. She hadn’t even thought of the big city she had left only days before. She was thinking about how this was always home and as she looked over at Ben who was attending to the fire, he turned and their eyes locked.

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Daily Prompt ; Seven Days / The Daily Post

Posted on March 7, 2013 by Who I am

Daily Post, Daily Prompt, DP

http://dailypost.wordpress.com

You wake up tomorrow morning to find all your plans have been cancelled for the next seven days and $10,000 on your dresser. Tell us about your week.

The first thing I would do is rub my eyes and stare at the money. All the plans I had made would come in second place. I am human what can I say? It would finally be a V-8 moment and I would carefully go throughout my house to see if there were any other tell tale signs of someone entering without my knowledge.

I would go to my routine without thinking. Make my coffee, splash cold water on my face to waken my eyes and thought process and brush my teeth. Oh wait I need to run a brush through my messy hair. Why don’t I have satin pillows so I don’t have to do that last step? LOL

Drinking my coffee my mind would edge its way to what were my plans. I would grab my date book and gaze through the boxes on the calendar. O yes, I was to have a doctor’s appointment. He was going to scold me for my sugars and my smoking. Well cross that one out and reschedule. It truly is a pleasure to put this event on hold.

Go to the track two days and walk. I know I should be sad but my body is jumping up and down with excitement to have a respite from this week. Aside from the guilt of not doing all I can do to be the best I can be; I can live with it.

The three days I have marked to go see Al does bother me. What am I going to say to him? What will he understand for me not being there? I will have to think on this one.Oh wait a cotton picking minute! He is no longer in that place. He is home here with me. Cross those thoughts out on having to explain my absence. The last day Friday, bill pay-day. I never have enjoyed that day of the week. All these bill companies wanting to take my money from me. What did I ever do to them? Well, I guess since I don’t pay late, they will accept waiting until Monday.

I toss the book aside and sip on my coffee wondering if I can get on my WP and shout it out that I have all this loot sitting here. Maybe I should not do that. I have heard those nightmare stories on 60 minutes. It seems that when people come into money, people you don’t even know come banging on your door. Nah, no one on WP is like that.

I have wonderful friends here. I don’t have to worry. They would be shouting along with me on my amazing find. Maybe I would make arrangements to fly, get tickets for trains, book what ever I have to in order to have every one of my WP friends here for a party to celebrate.

Yes, I think this is a fantastic idea. I love sharing and this makes me feel good. I will post on here my intentions and have everyone who follows me email me their personal information so I can make the arrangements for their arrival.

This is going to be so much fun. I am actually biting at the bit to make a huge picnic menu. Let’s see, slow cooked ribs over the open fires. Let’s throw on some chicken and some steaks too.

We will have more salad combinations than even the President has rested eyes on. I will make sure to have prepared dishes that have no meat for my vegetarian friends too, this is very important. I don’t want anyone to feel left out.

I will go through old post and borrow some of my favorite recipes bloggers have posted for our desserts. Maybe I should get out the old ice-cream maker out and crank up some good old-fashioned treats. For drinks I will borrow the neighbor’s over-sized coffee pot. I shall make gallons of sun tea. In case we have any pop fans, I will purchase some soda too. Sorry there will be no alcohol at my party, I don’t touch the stuff.

Oh I am so excited. All of you can meet Al. We can all hug each other and talk face to face instead of chatting through the screens. I can’t wait. I have six weeks until everyone arrives. I better do some heavy-duty spring cleaning too. I don’t want any dust bunnies to pop their heads out, I would just die inside!

I would take some of the money and finishing paying off my car. It is my biggest burden. I still have a year and a half to pay on it, so let’s rid that puppy. I would go through Al’s summer clothes and see if he needs any adjustments made.

He and I would go on a mini trip to Florida. He and I absolutely loved the Amish restaurant we used to dine at. We would fly in and stay at a hotel over night. The next day we would drive by his prior day care and we would make a visit so he could chat with all of his old friends. I can just see his big smiles. This brings a happy tear to my eye.

After all is said and done, I would finish paying off Al’s funeral bill that is being threatened to be taken a way now. This will bring me comfort. I think I will add a policy for me also, since I have no plans made for my ending date.

With the rest of the money, I would place it in a secure safe. I just don’t trust those banking institutions anymore. They used to be such a good thing, but now it seems they charge for every little thing down to a signature. The safe is safer. I won’t make any interest on it but I don’t through the banks any longer either, so who cares.

Well now I feel so good inside. My friends are coming for a home-coming party. They will be camping out here at my home for a couple of days. I have the menu planned for the gathering. Al’s wardrobe is complete. We have managed to help Al’s heart burst from joy as he dines at his favorite restaurant and sees old friends. Our funerals are paid for and we have some left-over for a rainy day.

Life is good isn’t it? I don’t know who or what left that money on my dresser, but you certainly must be my brother and my guardian angels. You and God have seen our sorrows and our tears. Thank-you thank-you who ever you are.