If you could choose to be a master (or mistress) of any skill in the world, which skill would you pick?
So many times there are disagreements among friends and families that are minor misunderstandings. We hear and we see but we do not understand. The first thing we tend to do when we have been hurt is to get that big defense wall out of our back pocket.
We place it in front of us hoping to guarantee that we will not be hurt once again. We have no prepared speech so words come out of our mouths as sometimes jumbled making no sense at all. Only forcing the wall to rise higher.
If we are talking over the phone we have nothing to help us understand. We hone in on tones. We build our own cases quickly, swaying a way from the words being spoken to us. Sometimes we hear enough to get an idea of what the real pin-point topic is, but our mind is racing to the words we want to say in our defense.
If we are facing each other we may have our hands on our waists. My daughter says that my eyes bug out when I get mad. If I could pull myself a way from the discussion long enough, I would like to see that expression I throw off. I would probably be shocked at how ugly I look at the moment.
Some of us stand with our arms crossed and maybe our feet spread at shoulders width. Are we preparing to draw on the other person? Do we have a hidden weapon hiding? Are we like the characters in Bonanza?
Sometimes the biggest disagreements are based on none other than silence. While there is no conversation our brains are having the biggest talk of all. We can envision so many things that probably are not there in the beginning. Silence can build as big of case as we saw years back with O.J. Simpson.
By the time the face to face or the phone conversation does happen, we have already built the case, found them guilty, and performed the punishment. I personally wish that when something is said that another soul takes in the wrong way or some feelings are hurt, we would voice it immediately.
I believe if silence and space could be wrapped up in foil and tossed in the trash, many small disputes would disintegrate so quickly. Hugs and smiles would return quickly. Life would move on.
We that are older in age were taught more often than not to keep our feelings to ourselves. We learned that the proper thing was to be mature. Let the edge of that knife slide back into its proper container and go on with our life.
I like that as we as modern hip people of today do speak up. We do let our feelings be heard. But, I believe that even though this is a good thing, there is still a better way to handle it in a delicate way.
Getting the knife out, or shooting someone, or name calling is not really the way to go. Some times we carry our defense wall mid way around us at all times. This allows us to pounce at a moments notice.
We love to point fingers. He said, she said are the rave today. When is the last time we pointed that big finger in our own face? It can’t possibly be everyone else on the planet that is the bad guy. Maybe we should look at our own reflection in the mirror.
In the end, if I could read your signals, understand your tones, put the missing pieces of the puzzle together from the words you are not actually saying, I could prevent a lot of uneeded pain. The world would be a better place to live in. We would not have to be afraid to be ourselves. We would feel more loved and accepted.
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