This Time of Year

I have been busy today. Nothing physical, mostly mental work. Starting to give my attention to my list I have been making of things  I need to do as it nears my time to leave.

After dealing with that I decided to take the latter part of the afternoon off. Place the phones down. Talking quieted. It was pretty nice. The news came on at five and I tuned into that.

Headline news is another journalist was beheaded. It just makes me sick. What can we do to stop this? The next headline news was the hacking of movie stars personal photos being snatched.

The comment was many pictures and  nude photos were stolen. Why in the world would they have nude shots of themselves on a cell phone? I swear we are talking about kids who are digging into what life is all about and what makes what work. No, we are talking about adults here who entertain us on the big, boob tube box called TV.

I have said for quite some time that there is more filth, foul language, showing how to kill a human, drugs and anything else you want to add to the list on our televisions today.

I don’t know who was affected by this hacking, but I know I would not have that on my phone for anyone to see that may pick-up my phone to use or a kid playing on it without my permission.

Games people play. Don’t you just love what is being accepted as good and moral in this big world we live in? When I think back to when my mom was alive, I laugh out loud. I think I saw her in her under slip maybe twice. She believed in being covered. Now we believe, well some, not me, believe we should be uncovered.

For what reason?  Maybe people who run around half-naked want attention. Or maybe they think they have hot bodies. I guess there are some who just don’t give a shit about themselves; and therefore have no respect for how they look to others.

Next, a commercial came on and out of nowhere I started crying. I had been doing pretty good with my tears for my brother I have lost, and all it took was one, simple commercial.

When Al and I lived in Florida he discovered there was a blizzard at Dairy Queen called the Pumpkin Pie blizzard. Every time we went out he wanted to stop there on the way home. I can’t even begin to count how many times he and I sat outside on the wrought-iron table and chairs in front of the restaurant. We ate our Pumpkin Pie blizzard and chatted the evening away. When we moved here to Indiana, I heard the same request from him at this time of year. Last year he refused them because he could no longer swallow well enough and needed to be fed.  Well here it is, time for them to be re-introduced for the season. Will I go get one? I am not sure if I am healed enough to or not. Time will tell.


My Lucky Nap's cards

Today Al had a big day. It wasn’t the kind that you go to the big fair and ride the huge roller coaster. It was the kind that can dig deep in the heart, a slap in the face wake-up call type day.

For several days Al has gone on about his funeral and talked about this illness and why he has it. It is a worn topic but gets repeatedly read, page by page each evening.

Last evening he thought that his illness stayed home while he went to Day Program. Also last night I saw the strangest thing on Al’s knee. He pointed it out to me by saying, “come look at this.”

I watched his knee and it would turn purple and then go back to normal color. His toes were matching the beat of the drum. I brought it up to the Hospice Nurse this morning when we met.

She explained, “his heart is very weak. It is trying to pump to all the organs but the weaker it gets, the more it has trouble reaching the legs and feet. The heart decides it will stick with the organs and let the limbs go and then try it again later. This is what is happening. He is losing oxygen in his legs.”

I stared at her dumbfounded. She also went on to say that the Hospice Minister was meeting us also here. They wanted me to stay quiet while they talked to Al. My stomach started to churn as I knew this couldn’t be any sort of party I was attending.

The conversation I heard went something like this. ” Al you are a very sick man. It is no one’s fault. It isn’t yours nor is it your sisters. This illness isn’t going to get better Al. It is only going to get worse. One day you will not be able to come to Day Program because your body is going to become very weak and you will not want to get out of bed. I think it is time that you start preparing and ask God if he can take you home while you are asleep.”

I thought I would die right there on the spot. My legs became weak and I thought I was going to collapse to the floor if I didn’t grab a hold of something. I backed a way and the three of them had a private conversation with questions and answers.

That all ended and poof the nurse and minister left. I left also and like a robot went and got groceries. Forget the crazy idea of stopping at Dairy Queen for an ice-cream, I just wanted to go home.

When I got home I put everything a way. I looked through my mail and started prepping supper. Before I knew it, it was time to get Al off the bus. He was quiet and stayed quiet through supper. He only ate 50%. I didn’t say anything. I had to force my own self to eat too.

As I was washing him up I think my jaw fell to the floor as Al patted me on the arm and said, “sis, I think I understand what is happening to me now. The minister and nurse made me see things. They helped me understand. I am going to die. They said I could pray for me to die in my sleep. Could you do me just one favor sis?”

” Sure bud, anything, you name it.”

” Will you make sure I die in my sleep? I don’t want to know it.”

I couldn’t help it. I lost it. I cried like a big baby right there. I grabbed my brother around the shoulders and the two of us cried together. When we finally parted, I continued to wash him up and he said, ” I want to take a nap. I am tired. Maybe this will be my lucky nap.”


Above is a photo of cards that you here at WP have sent Al. I bought him the little miniature case of Coca Cola bottles in their own little case.

Thanks to all who have sent cards and caring words of comfort. If anyone still wants to send him cards, please email me at

and I will give you the address to send the card to.

I am out of words and out of tears. I am done writing for tonight. Hugs my friends.

Another First Day

First day of anything is usually a little chaotic. It is the same in our case too. I got up at 6:45 this morning and started the coffee pot. I swore I was going to have one cup of coffee during this busy bee time or I would go nuts.

I fed Mr. Rhino who…

View Post

Another First Day

First day of anything is usually a little chaotic. It is the same in our case too. I got up at 6:45 this morning and started the coffee pot. I swore I was going to have one cup of coffee during this busy bee time or I would go nuts.

I fed Mr. Rhino who managed to sleep either on top of me or snuggled up beside me all night. Poor baby, he thinks I don’t notice that he is here. I understand, I have been ignoring him some what. Less petting moments, so he is making sure I know he still has needs. Hey Rhino, what about mommy’s needs? Oh alright, you say mommies come last, I get it. Just like with mommy and daddy, we come last.

I cleaned his cat box, then proceeded to get all of Al‘s supplies ready. Shaver, hand towel, wash cloth, baby powder, baby oil, clean clothes, shoes and socks; check, got it. Oh wait, what about the brief and liner silly? Do you want him to go briefless? Check; got it.

Alrighty then, coffee in one hand and turning the TV news on so he can be entertained while sis is cleaning him up. He was awake when I entered his room. I just don’t know how he does it. His head isn’t on the pillow, it is hanging in mid-air. Like a magic trick, look ma, no hands. But, his head will not lie flat without a little help from my hands.

So we started the get-up process. This takes about an hour. We get out to the kitchen and I go back and grab the soiled bed clothing and make a mad dash for the washing machine. Popped them in and listened to the music of washing.

Al wanted Pop Tarts for breakfast, so he made that easy for me. The only thing I had to que him on was bite sizes and waiting until he swallowed each bite. I do declare he would put as much of any food in his mouth and just keep stuffing. He didn’t used to be like that but he is now. He took his medications and then when finished I washed his hands and face and ta-da, he was ready to go with six minutes to spare.

I raced around and got his lunch box ready. I sat him at the front door and asked him if he could be my helper and watch for the bus. He didn’t answer and his head was hanging too low so I know he couldn’t, but maybe it made him feel worthy by my asking, I am hoping.

The bus came and loaded him up and he was off. So was I, off to the same place but different location. I had a meeting with the people who were going to be watching over him through the day times. I had not had the time to eat breakfast myself nor did I get to take my medications.

The meeting lasted two hours and I was famished. The meeting was over at 10:45 and I had to meet the Hospice nurse at 11. I just had to take my medicine. I darted out to my car like a rabbit stealing a carrot. I raced down to the Dairy Queen and grabbed one of those five dollar value meals. Nothing like having a hamburger for breakfast/lunch. Racing back to the company I took my food inside and sank into one of the leather seats in the waiting room.

The receptionist looked at me a little strange, but I explained what was going on and I was just now catching up on my meal between meetings. She sort of snickered but oh well, who cares, I knew what I was doing.

The nurse arrived so I continued eating during our meeting. She met Al for the first time and he was having chest pains at number 7 on our scale. We gave him his pain medication and the nurse determined that he had had a BM earlier and the pushing mechanism had set off those nasty internal tremors. We stood and watched his fingernails turn light gray to dark gray.

Finally the pill kicked in and we both sighed a relief. We went on to continue our business and I did learn that as of right now I am not going to get the help in the mornings as I was promised. That broke my heart because Al is difficult to handle alone.

It seems that to get the help at home and have Medicaid pay for it, even through the waiver, the primary caregiver has to be working outside the home. What the heck? I don’t work so I can care for him. I don’t get it. So I called the Waiver man and he is working on how to rectify it if he can.

The Hospice aides will be here three times a week to give Al his showers, so if worse comes to worse, I will just have to do what I have to do. That gives me three days for his showers but doesn’t help at all with getting him up in the mornings.

I came home finally about 2 and I just wanted to lay down and sleep forever, but I had calls to make. Getting this whole program to put in place is not that easy. I don’t have a permanent case worker yet, so that is being worked on. The case worker will do the phone call crap instead of me once he/she is in place.

I looked at the time and it was 3:30. I had one hour before Al came home. I should be folding the clothes out of the dryer or doing something but I couldn’t. Rhino came up and we both cuddled on the couch and I slept until the phone rang not once but twice.

A friend called and then the Spirit man called. Whoa baby that woke me up, spirit man? What has this world came to? His real name in my book is minister, but his title in today’s world is spiritual man.

Alright I get it, new modern world thing. He wants to come at 4:30 to meet with me and Al. I tell him yes, and was thinking now leave me alone, I am tired. We hung up and I fell instantly asleep until the door bell rang and going to the door it was the spirit man in full beard and dockers. Is this Jesus coming to take me home in dockers? Oh my gosh, just let the man in. I force my eyes open and try to look like he didn’t wake me out of a dead sleep. He takes a seat and starts jabbering then Al is delivered home. The two of them meet, Al cries because they are talking about God and this topic always makes Al cry because he wants to go to heaven so bad.

Letting the man out the door Al doesn’t want any supper. So it is ice-cream mixed with Ensure again. A change of briefs, out of clothes and he is now napping. When he wakes up I will offer him some solid food and hopefully he eats something for me.

The house is quiet except for the Escape music on Satellite. I look at my computer, and think well hello there my friend. I pull out my chair and decide to visit with my friends.

The Shine On Award

Taz is an author over at

She has nominated me for the Sunshine Award. Thank-you so much Taz.


1-Link back to the person who nominated you.

2-Add the award logo to your blog.

3-Share 7 things about yourself.

4-Nominate 10-15 bloggers and link to them, and tell them about their nomination.

Seven things about me?

1. Did you know my brother and I are both left-handed. They say left handers are unique. LOL

2. I like antique crocks

3. Thursdays I always change my bedsheets.

4. I collect chickens

5. I lay on my stomach to go to sleep and end up in the mornings on my back.

6.One of my dreams is to be an artist, to paint one painting. I don’t know why.

7. I am a sucker for Dairy Queen ice-cream cones.

Nominations are;






jack joseph’s mom
jackjosephsmom.wordpress.comshine on award

My Brother’s LIfe Journey Chapter 4

2007–present, notice that the curved lines are...

I remember Christmas the following  year. Al got a train set. It had a soft whistle. I think Mom and Dad were hoping to calm his fear of trains. The track went around the Christmas tree and I can still see Al laying on the floor watching the train go round and round. When Dad made the whistle blow Al did not cry.

Mom and Dad were very smart in this idea. It worked and in time Al became less and less afraid of trains. Our entire extended family spent Christmas together. I still have photos of my two cousins in their new striped bib overhauls. The silver tinsel tree is standing in the background.

The  next year Dad received an inheritance from a family member who passed a way. He and Mom decided it was time to move our family out to the country. I didn’t realize exactly what that entailed. I was excited because I was going to get my own bedroom.

Al and I had slept for a year or two in the same bedroom in bunk beds. Now he and I would be separated by a hallway. When the house was finished, it seemed that Al and I parted a little bit.

He stayed in his room a lot and I rode my bike in the summer and went sledding in the winter . Al did eventually learn to ride a bicycle. He was so proud and he would ride up and down the country road. He would have freedom to choose to stop in at Grandma’s house or ride back home.

I should add that our Grandparents sold their city home and bought 80 acres and a home. It was shortly after our parents built a house a quarter of a mile down the road. Another neighbor that happened to live in the same city block that we all did also bought a house on the same road.

I always laugh when I think back to how four neighbors living in the same block and not all related ended up buying or building all within walking distance and remained for years to come.

Al was now 11 and I was 12. This is the year that started the big change for my brother. Our Granddaddy was in seventh heaven having the dream of farming come true. I can remember watching baby calves and piggies being born.

Granddaddy had the patience of a saint. He took Al with him everywhere he went on the farm. He taught him about life. He was silent while Al worked at becoming more vocal. Dad was already showing that he was uncomfortable around Al. I always believed that Dad carried guilt from our birth years and also shame that his one son was not like other sons.

Carrying these feelings caused great stress in our family. Then Granddaddy would come along and swoop Al up and take him to a calmer environment. While he taught Al and me how to pick up baby chicks, he also taught us how the circle of life works with farm animals.

We bottle fed new calves, we gave water to baby chicks. Al even laughed out loud as the baby lamb drank milk from the bottle Al was holding. We were shown how chickens laid eggs and then how chickens ended up on our kitchen tables. We were taught that calves were grown to feed us and to also purchase more farm animals.

Granddaddy taught us that living off the land was the only way to go. I will always treasure these times and Al still talks about Grandma’s big, soft, chewy sugar cookies. They were as round as  grapefruit. If we were real good we could have two at one time. Sometimes Al got three but I understood what Grandma was saying. Al was skinny and needed to eat.

She made the best ever potato salad too. Lots of big pieces of boiled eggs in it. She used mayonnaise in hers and Mom used a vinegar sauce in hers. I preferred the sweeter one and still love my sweets today.

I remember one time when Granddaddy was cleaning out the barn where the cows lived. He was cleaning the manure with his pitch fork. Al wanted to try it and so Granddaddy handed him the pitch fork. Al wasn’t too strong at this point yet and he got a fork full and then fell right in it. He started to cry and Granddaddy laughed him right out of his tears. All three of us got a good laugh over this and Grandma got stuck cleaning Al up.

These farm loving Grandparents were not our blood relation, but I can tell you that they were the best ever, and  when you talk about them to Al today,  his eyes always light up, and for his memories that he still has of them I will be forever grateful.

Since three families lived on one big property there was a great big garden. All summer long canning and freezing was done. Al got the jobs of taking garbage cans of corn cobs to the pigs. He had sort of the gopher job, but yet it was one of the most important jobs. While everyone had their hands in food, Al would go get things that everyone  needed.

Sometimes when we worked real hard our Grandparents would take us to the Dairy Queen. We would get great big ice-cream cones. I will share with you something that will tell you a difference between our parents and our Grandparents.

Grandma worked at home, taking care of family and gardens. Our mom worked full-time. Granddaddy was laid back and enjoyed every minute of breathing. Dad was always afraid Al and I would make mistakes so he was always on edge. When Dad was dating our new mom-to-be it was in the fall and early winter. Dad would bring us two kids along but made us stay in the car. He truly did believe that we would make noise. Grandma would yell at him every single time and tell him to go get those kids out of that cold car.

When our Grandparents took us to the Dairy Queen. We all went in and we made messes because by then Al and I were both big gabby mouths. They would laugh at us and talk to us and with us. When we were finished, we all cleaned up and went home laughing.

When Mom and Dad took us to the Flagpole to get ice-cream Mom was antsy because Dad was always on the edge of yelling. She became embarrassed for Al and me as Dad made us stand outside and eat our ice-cream. He didn’t want any accidents.

I always felt bad for Mom. Although it took me many years to bond with her she was an excellent Mom and she cared about us kids. She did the best she could with what she had considering Dad was always a grouch, but she loved him for a long time.


Is He Alright or Not?

2007–present, notice that the curved lines are...

This is going to be short so I won’t keep you long. It is about forty-five minutes until I leave to go get Al. Today is the day he is going for his favorite treat, the Blizzard at the Dairy Queen. Oh boy, does he dig right in to these.

I just received a call from the nurse. She said Al told me that he doesn’t want to go. He is feeling too weak. I told her that I would let him rest today, but maybe I will pop in anyways. To see Al turn down food, especially his favorite treat, sort of makes me squirm in my seat.

So I don’t want to go there without him so I will save it maybe for tomorrow. Bad thing though is the weather. We are supposed to get a lot of rain. He moves so slowly I really don’t want him drenched and sick for a Blizzard.

Well I am hopping off of here. I think I will mozy out to see him. Hugs everyone.

I Can’t Believe I Did That !!!!!!!!!

I met Al this morning for his doctor appointment. It went pretty well except for Al’s typical show of being nervous. The biggest thing he kept telling the doctor is his legs hurt. The doctor gave him a script for swelling. Sure hope it works for him.

We parted with the driver taking him back to the facility. I promised to pick him up tomorrow at noon. Dairy Queen here we come!

I went to a car lot and browsed. There was to be this big deal going on with low payments, low down payments and free car washes for the life of my payments. Come to find out the deal was for three months. Well what about the other million months left? I didn’t even bother going further with any conversation. What a rip off!

Then I went and got something to eat and then proceeded to get fuel for the car. It was so nice and sunny out today I decided to visit the little shop that Al and I enjoy going to. I was going through and nothing caught my eye until the very end. It was a piece of furniture but way too expensive. I just hate it when people think they are doing antique furniture a favor by painting over nice old wood.

I would have had to strip all the crappy white off and for the price they wanted I let it pass me by. I was getting ready to walk out the door when my eyes saw something cheerful and bright. I walked over to a box some consigner had brought in. I picked it up and took it to the front desk see how much it was.

betty boopIsn’t she adorable?

I have been debating on sharing my most embarrassing moment of my life. Should I or shouldn’t I…..

Then I thought, hey it’s Friday. These are all my friends on here. We all need a good laugh right?

I sure gave the store a good laugh for sure so why not pass that around. O.K. here goes nothing. Try not to wet your pants over laughing too hard.

I was standing at the counter waiting for her to plug the cutie in and dust if off a bit, plus give me a price.

To the left of me and  about two steps behind me was this beautiful blue-eyed guy. He and I were just wasting conversation while I was waiting for the the light.

The lady came back and told me so now there are three of us standing there. I tell the lady I will take it and as I got the last word out I must have choked on my spit or something because I started coughing my fool head off. This force of stomach muscles and my own efforts of trying to quit coughing made me forget about anything else. This was definitely a domino effect. Choke, cough and fart.

Oh my gosh. I am going to die. I heard it myself and so I quickly looked at the lady and the cute guy to the side of me hoping they had not heard what I did, and praying dear Lord, please don’t let this one be a smelly one.

The guy is looking right at me and so is the lady. I whip out my money and pay for stuff and want to run to the farthest mountain when the lady says,”Honey don’t worry. Shit happens“. The guy says,”Yeah when I am home I let them rip all the time”.

I tried to smile but my face was frozen stiff from humiliation. I thanked  the lady and as I got to the front door the hunk yells out,”Have a nice day sweetheart”. Needless to say I got in my car as fast as my little feet would carry me and came straight home. I can’t believe I did that in front of people and in front of a hunk!