Update on my Brother

I am not God, we all know this, but Al has definitely changed as of last night. The first signal that something was not right aside from the usual signs is Al refused his pop and ice-cream.

I have never in my life seen Al refuse pop. For about a month he has been eating only ice-cream and yet he didn’t want that or anything last night.

His heart rate was so soft last night I had to turn the TV off to hear it. There is no longer a pulse in his feet. This morning when I checked on him he was having very rapid breathing. It is slower now due to medications and he is breathing better.

Something is happening and I can not push the fact or ideas away anymore. Although I want him to be free from this terrible, wicked, nasty illness, there is a pain in my gut and my nerves are shot. I don’t seem to be able to help myself.

Along with those feelings and the terribly high winds, the roads drifting shut. The knowledge that my car sucks in the winter holding its own on the snowy roads, I wonder if my groceries will hold out.

I looked at the remaining of January and it is no better. Bitter, single digit temperatures will lock so many of us, including me in our homes.

So life looks gloomy to me today as I sit by Al’s side and watch him leave.