My God, my God
Please help
With all you can
Let me lean on you
As I am so very tired
Please God please
Let someone hear
My call for help
With Al
Last night the
Tremors were awful
We were both up
Until six this morning
And two hours
Later I am feeding him
I can’t do this alone
Already I am
Hearing I can’t eat
This breakfast
I am not hungry
And I turn to look
As his hands are
Beating the table
As the tremors
Move for ever more.
Here I sit at my computer
Tears falling from my eyes
Playing every song
That speaks of God
In hopes he hears
Al’s and my cries
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
QUOTES
FOR I HAVE HEARD IT MANY TIMES BEFORE, BUT LET ME NOW BELIEVE THAT I CAN DO NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL…
“Praying Hands” (study for an Apostle figure of the “Heller” altar) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I woke up from a restless night, because i made the mistake of taking a nap yesterday, and so I paid the price last night.
This morning, I woke up, fairly calm. I got Al’s medicines ready and started my coffee. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and got dressed. I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour for a check-up from blood work. I hate it each time, as I am reminded that I don’t live a doctorly life. I am too heavy according to the book, I don’t eat as many veggies and fruits that I should. It goes on and on, and I am always mentally ready to place my hand on the door and run out of the doctor’s room.
Although, I am calm, I felt too calm. Does that make sense? It was a calm, like I am being prepared for a heavy scene. The caregiver came and gave Al his shower, and while he was showering, I was praying.
I am the type of person who speaks more to God throughout the day than the person that takes a half-hour out each day to concentrate on prayer. I am sitting at my computer, and out of the blue, I just wrapped my hands around each other, and knelt my head to the hands, and I prayed. I prayed for Al, and I prayed for strength to do what is right for Al and me. I asked God to hear my prayers and to hear my cries. I prayed to him about my fears also, if Al was to leave me. I prayed for answers. Maybe this was a selfish prayer, I don’t know, but I need answers and help, so this is how I prayed.
I sat back up still feeling some calmness, and Al walks out of the shower, and as he and the caregiver are making their way to the living room, I see big tears falling from Al’s eyes.
I instantly sighed, and said what is wrong this time bud? He just looks at me and says that God knocked on the kitchen table while he was eating his breakfast. I asked why did he knock? He tells me God wanted to get his attention. I said oh, and what did he say to you today, and he tells me God says it is time now.
God, the Father watches us all everywhere. (Photo credit: angelofsweetbitter2009)
I want to rid my world of pain
And throw it to the seas
I want to go back to childhood
And be all that was naturally me.
I don’t want to carry any extra loads
It tends to weigh me down
I want to run and skip around
Hearing songs are the only sounds.
We are not promised easy lives
There are challenges every day
We can pile these upon our back
Or choose to follow God’s way.
We can not live each others lives
We can not force our ways
I have to accept that God is in charge
All we be settled on Judgement Day.
I feel that I have always followed God
But have tried to do things my way
Now today I go on bended knee
And renew my faith with thee.
I will look to God for more guidance
I will listen for his voice to speak
I will pray for others that are hurting
I will visit with those who seek.
If I practice all that I have said
And continue to love and care
I will not have the time nor place
To be the target for others to share.
Who I am 