I really believe in this quote. I used to run. I used to walk well. I do walk today. I do stumble. I will keep trying with the aid of tools for walking.
Still taking my photos. Although I have to sit to photograph; I am proud that I can do it.
Each morning when I wake up; I feel so awesome. I get my coffee and watch the news a little bit, then time to get ready for work. This is when the problems start in. My legs, they are a burden to me. I never thought I would say something so silly like this.
We take our legs for granted. We walk, run, trot, ride bikes, roller skate, feed our pets, grocery shop, go to work, walk great distance in a day without thinking anything about it. Then something happens and all of a sudden we notice those body parts attached from our hips.
For me, once I start moving around, my smile tends to dull. My legs are creeping into a heavy mode, and I have noticed when I trip over things, my feet are not lifting up high enough.
I eat my breakfast, get dressed, brush my teeth, make my lunch, all the while noticing that aching in my legs. I go to my car and drive to work. By the time I reach my six-minute drive, I get out of the car and my legs are trembling or have tremors; as it should be called from using them already too much.
I paste on my smile. I check my attitude as I open the front door to the office and I walk in. Some days I can’t walk in without my cane. Other days I get lucky and have smooth days where I barely think about the cane.
I have already noticed that longer period of drives makes my muscles hurt quite a bit, so when I learned last week that I had a mandatory meeting an hour away, I was stressed. I wanted to do what the boss stated, but I knew I had a chance of being in more pain for the day than usual.
I finally told myself, the only chance you have of getting around this meeting was to sit with my boss and explain. I did this 2 days ago and today was informed, I do not have to go. I am so thankful that God put the right words in my mouth. Now a transcript will be delivered to me and I can take notes of the meeting tomorrow.
There are many Parkinson’s patients much worse than me. I am still considered a new patient, although I have had symptoms since August 2013. I hope that my gait will always be my worst part of Parkinson’s. I know that doesn’t sound nice ; but I could have worse tremors or lose the ability to stand or become wheelchair bound.
Tomorrow I go to the pharmacy and pick-up my walker. I will try to use my cane so I can retain my strength, but the walker will assist me in gait if I walk a little more distance. I changed my header on my site. It now reads about HOPE. We all need hope. I need hope. I will live with hope each morning I get up and go about my day; whether a day off from work or a work day.
Parkinson’s disease, conceptual artwork
I am so proud and happy to announce that my book is now available for sale. It is now on Create Space and will be out within a week on Amazon.
I stand here proud as I have completed the one task that I have wanted to do for so many years. I wanted to leave my children a legacy. A slice of who I am and what I represent in life; and now I have finished it.
I want to thank Diane Stephenson for the…
I am so proud and happy to announce that my book is now available for sale. It is now on Create Space and will be out within a week on Amazon.
I stand here proud as I have completed the one task that I have wanted to do for so many years. I wanted to leave my children a legacy. A slice of who I am and what I represent in life; and now I have finished it.
I want to thank Diane Stephenson for the many hours and time she spent helping me with my project. In the Acknowledgements I thanked each of you, my blogging friends.
I just had to let you be the first to know about this exciting news in my life. Now on with my other two books I am writing on. Thank-you for all of your support.
For most of Al’s life after the teen years, everything remained the same at home. Mom and Dad worked full-time. Al went from job to job. He would lose a job because of not comprehending quick enough what needed to be done.
He got let go from a couple of places because he spoke too much to the ladies. From what I was told the ladies were scared of him. Evidently they were not used to being smiled at and having someone say hi to them so often. I have in the past heard people, strangers make remarks about “The Freak”.
Oh, that made my blood boil. I think we all have issues in life. It is just for some, it is obvious by looking at them, and others, it is an uncommon action, like repeating the word hi to the same person every time they walked by. He still does this today. He just wants so badly for someone to be friends with him.
Cardinal Center is a company that helps disabled adults get jobs, and this was an excellent program for Al. He worked at the same job for a long time. During this period of his life our Step-mom, and it is going to be here that I quit calling her this. I will call her mom. I have spoken about the real mom and she doesn’t exist in our lives. In fact, Al never even remembers her. So it was at this time that Mom was retiring from her job.
She stayed home for some time but eventually missed being busy so she went to work for a health company taking care of their payroll. After a few years went by, she finally retired for good. The very next week she had an aneurism.
Dad found her on the potty and called the EMS. Our Mom never drank, cussed or smoke. She was only 62 years old when this happened. She was taken to the local hospital where she stayed for several hours and then was transferred to a bigger hospital about an hour a way.
While she was at the local hospital, Al and I were there with her. Al didn’t really understand what was happening but he knew something was wrong. I will never forget Mom thrashing her arms and legs around on the ER bed. She managed to get her arm out to me and she kept patting my arm. It was almost like she was telling me to be strong, it is going to be alright.
That was the last time Al and I saw her conscience. By the time they got her to the bigger hospital, she was unconscience. She never came out of it. I lived at the hospital per say,and Al came up before he went to work. Seven days later, the doctors told Dad and Al, me and our half-sister, that Mom only had 10% brain activity left. Did we want to keep her on a breathing tube?
Our tiny family huddled together. Al and the sister didn’t say anything. Dad and I decided to let her go. After they unhooked her Dad was watching me the entire time while he and I held her hand. It was as if he was asking me, is she ok?
It was a sad time for us those next several hours. Finally I was the one chosen to go tell Al that she went to heaven. Al didn’t cry. Instead he went into himself even further. The rock that held our family together was gone.
From that moment on Al had no one to speak to. Shortly after Mom’s funeral was over, my aunt in Florida moved her mother down to that area. Dad became withdrawn, and Al was left to figure out how to survive.
He went to work and came home alone. He ate alone and watched TV alone. He and Dad didn’t even sit in the living room together to watch TV. When I tried to reach out to Al, Dad would tell me to butt out.
Dad believed that if everything was going fine then don’t mess it up. But things weren’t going fine. Al was suffering and so was Dad. Al started going to auctions out-of-town and this is when he really began to collect his coca cola.
Dad hated it that Al was spending money. I will never know why. Dad charged Al a small amount of rent money for living there. I never agreed with it but I couldn’t stop it either. Al barely made above minimum wage and he already had a car payment and auto insurance to pay for. Dad even made him purchase his own groceries.
It was so stupid. Dad put his refrigerator items on two shelves and Al put his items on the other two shelves. They were not allowed to mix. It makes my skin quiver just thinking how sick that was between a father and a son.
When Dad and Al went to church it was the same one for a while and they each drove themselves. Then Al changed churches. Nothing they did was together. Dad got so upset with Al spending his Saturday evenings going to the auctions that he finally had his friends go to the auctions too and spy on him.
I thought so little of these people that they would disrespect Al so bad and even stoop low enough to do as Dad wished. I hated knowing this was going on but again, I could do nothing.
There was no one to stand up for Al anymore. What his life must have been like for him I can only imagine in my own mind. I felt so bad for him but yet I was forced to live my own life.
After several years of this routine, Dad finally met a new lady friend. He introduced her to Al and me. She seemed very nice and she was pretty. Dad liked it that I agreed with his selection. Al didn’t say too much but the little he did tell me was, that’s not my mom.
Daily Prompt ; Earworm
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What song is stuck in your head (or…
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What song is stuck in your head (or on permanent rotation in your CD or MP3 player) these days? Why does it speak to you?
I have watched this telethon for so many years, The Jerry Lewis Telethon. I am listening to it right now and the tears are already flowing and the hairs are standing on my arms.
My heart bleeds for the less fortunate just as much for those that I do not know, and for Al, my brother.
I tell people I am such a big mushy person when it comes to people who are hurting or suffering.
If the good Lord takes my brother from me before I go, this will be playing at his funeral.
Al, my dear brother, the words I Love You can only talk about how I feel through the surface, but it is all I know how to say. When I saw this in September of 2012 Al, I said an extra long prayer for you.
You’ll Never Walk Alone,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,as long as I am breathing dear brother
This is the beginning to the end of the structuring of the new ramp for Al
. A program called Day of Caring is who put this all together.
From what I learned this is done by the United Way. You fill out an application, and if you fit the bill, so to speak, they get different companies to get together and they go around the county and do these projects for people who are in need of extra help.
A church group led by one of our local banks is who did the physical work. Al is not quite sure how to use it, and doesn’t seem to get the idea of how much this will help him, but I think once I show him he can go from the car straight into the house with no more stairs, he is going to love it.
I am so grateful for this ramp, as it will make Al’s moving a lot easier.
The teacher was very frank with Dahlia, explaining that sitting back, feeling sorry for yourself, did nothing but hold you back in life, and she was not going to be a participant to these actions. Dahlia listened but made no comments. Teacher continued on that while the student sat herself in a pool of pity, she, herself had made phone calls and had gone to appointments, trying to find the best way to help her, and she had now made a choice.
She explained about a new school that was a half hour away, and they had an appointment in the morning to go visit it and to take a tour. Dahlia sat up straighter and said with no hesitation, no. She wasn’t interested and she wasn’t going. She stood up and felt her way out of the kitchen and went to her bedroom and shut her door a little too hard.
Teacher ignored her, knowing this was going to happen but was already prepared for the fight. She tidied up the kitchen and went to her own bedroom and laid her clothes out for the appointment the next day and crawled into bed and took up where she had left off on reading her book. Before, long sleepy eyes fell on to the pages, and she was fast asleep.
Meanwhile across the hall Dahlia planned out each word on how she was going to have her own way. She was not going to any school for the blind. She wasn’t going anywhere that was so far away, and she didn’t need anyone’s help. She was blind, and this is the way it was. The dancing now was nothing but a dream. She pulled the covers up over her and drifted off into dreams about her non-existence.
Before either of them realized it, the sun was shining in the windows, and the teacher was knocking on her door announcing it was time to get up and get dressed. Breakfast would be soon, so let’s get cracking!
Dahlia roller over and covered herself up with her blankets and ignored the warnings of the teacher. While breakfast was being fixed, Dahlia once again went over in her mind what she was going to say, in order not to go. Soon there was another knock and since no one answered, the teacher walked in and saw that Dahlia was not dressed and ready to eat.
She walked over to the bed and ripped the blankets off causing such a force that they ended up lying on the floor. She grabbed a hold of Dahlia’s night-gown and pulled her to a sitting position and began to take off her night-clothes. Dahlia let out a gasp and was yelling and fighting with her hands to get the teacher to go away.
Teacher said, if you are not going to do this yourself, I am going to do it for you! We are going to this school, we are going to visit it and there will be no more bad actions from your end! Now let’s get moving!
Dahlia still fought, but the teacher pulled her nightgown off and with struggling from both sides and words flying, Dahlia was dressed. She walked her over to the bathroom, and sat her on the stool, and proceeded to wash her face and then braided her hair.
After all was complete, she told Dahlia, lets’ go to the kitchen and eat our already cold food. Dahlia sat, not moving, and once again, teacher helped her up and took her hand and guided her out of the bathroom. Before Dahlia could express any of her planned arguments, she was seated in a kitchen chair, and her plate was in front of her.
Teacher said a quick thank you to God for this food and then began to eat. Dahlia realizing she was not going to win, started to eat, but taking small bites, delaying their trip and the goal to be being late for this school.
There was no winning, if Dahlia didn’t eat, teacher was going to help her. Both ate in silence. It was so quiet, you could hear a mouse running along the floor boards. After breakfast, Dahlia sat, and the teacher cleaned up the dirty dishes. Soon a car honked out front, and teacher told her that she had made arrangements for a ride to the school, so it was time to go. With a slight tug of the shoulder, Dahlia got up and they both walked out the door, teacher smiling and waving to her friend that was driving them, and Dahlia with a big frown.
They got into the car and teacher and her friend chatted all the way and Dahlia sat in the back in silence. She believed she had drifted off because before she knew it they had arrived in the parking lot of the school.
Dahlia wished she could see what this place looked like, but she was not going to give any inkling of her questions. The teacher and Dahlia got out of the car, and together hand, in hand, they walked through the front doors, where they were met by the principal of the school.
Dahlia could tell it was a man, with a deep voice, a voice of authority. They walked into his office and Dahlia was able to hear what the criteria was for this school, the goals that would be accomplished, and the different teachers that were here to help the students.
He asked if they would like to go on a tour, and although Dahlia was not very excited about this, she also knew she did not want to make a fool of herself in front of this man with the deep voice. She stood up and they all made their way through the halls, and classrooms, and the gymnasium. This school had rails on each wall, and it made it much easier for Dahlia to make her way around.
The principal explained that here in the gymnasium there were no large mirrors on the walls but there were rails on each wall, and hand felt markers placed throughout the room would make walking much easier.
Dahlia was not going to let the teacher know that some interest had been perked in her, but the teacher also recognized that she didn’t have to force her to walk any longer. They finished the tour and ended back in the office, sitting in their original chairs.
The principal asked Dahlia what she thought of everything she had heard and he waited for her response. Dahlia mentioned that it was alright, nothing special, but she could not go here, even if she wanted to, as she had no way to and from .
The principal and teacher smiled at each other, as the principal told Dahlia that he had a plan if she was interested in knowing about it.
Who I am 