July 4th and The Day After


July 4th brought fireworks for people everywhere, but inside our home Al was calm the entire day. No tears, no arguing and no complaints of pain. We had family down for a cook out.

I got the day off. My kids did all the cooking and I took care of Al. The kids played at the park and rode their bikes. We listened to big boomers all evening long.

When it got dark the parents set off fireworks here at home. None of us went to the big show in town to watch them. I don’t think Al could hold his head up straight enough to even see them.

I did take Al outside once in the afternoon, and pushed him up and down the street, but he complained of flies and wanted to go back inside. He was content to be spoiled and watch Pawn Stars and his other favorites.

Today it was back to business. I woke up and got Al around. Then I filled his medicine box for the week. Called Hospice for the medications they take care of and our pharmacy for the other medications he needed.

By then it was 10am and I realized I had not taken my diabetic medicine so I took that. I then went about cleaning both bathrooms , sweeping the house, and mopping the tiles. The house was full of flies from everyone running in and out so I killed like I think a zillion of them today. I cleaned the cat box and fed the cat.

By then I had about a half an hour before I was to meet for a business meeting. I had never eaten breakfast so I got around and left for the meeting grabbing something to eat along the way.

I had planned to go to the grocery store to stalk pile for the weekend so I don’t have to take Al out, but that meeting lasted four hours. I was shocked. I had forty-five minutes to spare before Al came home. I hurried and stopped at the Dollar General store and picked up what I needed and scurried home.

After putting them a way I just wanted to lay down and kick my sore feet up but it was time to go outside and meet the bus. He arrives home at 5:50pm but he didn’t get here. 5:10 no Al. I was getting worried then I saw the bus.

It was coming a different way than it usually does but oh well, no big deal right? Well wrong, the bus passed our street. What the ??? The bus continues down the wrong road. I can see it turning down another wrong road.

Finally it comes back around and I have now went down to the end of the street flagging my hands in the air saying, “Over here, over here you dumb bus driver“. He must have heard me because he went down the wrong road again. He repeated these wrong turns three times.

I had had it. I screamed at the top of my lungs and flung my arms like a freaking lunatic. Gee, I hope my shirt didn’t pop up too high and show any womanly parts. I just thought of that. Oh well, if I did, it is over now. Dear God, forgive me for being an idiot today. Amen.

Oh my gosh, he finally saw me. He comes flying down the road and didn’t stop or even slow down over the speed bump. No wonder Al complains of back pain from the ride on the bus.

He gets to our house and gets out and I realize it is a sub driver. He is old, I mean white-haired and wrinkly. Should he still be having a license to drive?

When he looks at me he starts winking. What? Isn’t he a little old to be winking at a young pretty thing like me? lol  Oh wait, he isn’t winking, his eye are twitching. Oh well, I got a high for a few minutes thinking I was one hot babe to the old folks.

He explains he got lost, and I am thinking, ya, I noticed. He pats me on the shoulder and laughs and then gets Al out of the bus. I transfer Al to the front seat of the car and am putting the folded wheelchair in the trunk.

I am grunting and groaning from the weight of it when I suddenly hear someone asking me,” Is that pretty heavy?”

I turn around and it is the bus driver. He isn’t helping me at all so I just sort of snickered and took a deep breath, and turning green like the Hulk, I thrust that big old wheelchair in the trunk like it was a bag of cotton.

I flipped the trunk shut and dusting my hands off I turned to the driver and said, “Nope, not at all, it’s a piece of cake.” He smiles and gets back in his bus. I start the car and take Al to a drive in to eat supper and then downtown to a car show.

It was my first time out with him by myself and it wasn’t easy. He choked several time on french fries, so I had to take those a way from him. He finished his sandwich and then struggled with the straw of his drink. I then had to change his brief and when we got to the bathrooms I wondered, which one do I take him into, ladies or mens?

I knocked very firm on the mens door and heard no one so I managed to get the door open and Al inside without any damage. I hurried and changed him and we then got in the car. I took him on to the car show.

He was so excited over this old antique car. He smiled big and I could barely make out what he was saying. I have to add here that for some reason Al’s voice is so much softer today. He has this big red rash around his face. I don’t know what it is from and it goes around his neck. His finger nails weren’t gray like they usually are, they were more of a purple color.

I tried my best to ignore what I was seeing and instead looked a head to see who was hovering around this old car Al loved. I saw an older couple sitting near by, so I locked Al’s breaks and walked over to the people. I asked them if they were the owners of the car and they said yes. I asked, ” Could you do me a big favor? My brother is very ill and doesn’t smile too often but seeing your car he is smiling so big. Could you introduce yourself to him as the owner of this fabulous car?”

They didn’t even blink an eye or hesitate. They were up and over and spent about ten minutes talking to Al all about the car. Al was in heaven, I swear. It was like having a wish from the Wish Foundation granted. He was on cloud nine.

I thanked the couple and then Al and I left. After I got him home he was so sickly looking that I washed him up and changed his brief. I placed him in his lift chair and turned his favorite station on, but with in a few minutes he was asleep. I am so glad I took him. It hurt me physically with the lifting of his chair but it was worth that huge smile. Thank-you God for the little things in life.

Here are some photos of last night at my house with my family.

july 4th eatingjuly 4th corn on the cobjuly 4th hot dogsfireworksfireworks 2Al July 4thcaiden july 4thaustin july 4thjuly 4th firepitjuly 4th housejuly 4th sparklersjuly 4th sky

I May Have To Move Outside


I am never going to plan on nothing happening anymore, even if we do not have appointments or any health care providers coming in. Never again, until taking care of Al is completely done.

Today, the shower gal came and gave him his shower. He cried the whole time and his usual wanting to die was the subject. There was nothing she could do to turn himself away from this conversation. His brain was in cement and could not be broken.

The other day when we had the chaotic episode at Wal-Mart, he did buy one of his more expensive cars, and has been bugging me all weekend that he wants another one. I have said no, only once a month for the big cars, only the tiny cars in between, and I am not even sure how I would take him to get one either, as I don’t want to have to take him to any store for a while, or at least until I forget about getting pinned in in the parking lot.

This is Al’s room. It is filled wall to wall and floor to floor. Every nook and corner is taken. Things are hiding behind his recliner, behind his dresser and tables and his closet is totally filled, with little space for his clothes. Coca cola is even over flowing into his bathroom on the walls and corners. He has one shelf on another wall I didn’t get a photo of that he has filled to the max with now his car collection.

Al has no thinking process of these items. All he knows is he likes them and wants everyone that is sold. Pretty soon, I am going to have to move outside!

Today, he had the appointment with the doctor, and I needed some batteries for his flashlight. Why, I don’t know, but he has to have the flashlight at nights. It is a tiny magnum flashlight that takes four AAA batteries, and I only had one. We stopped at the Dollar General store and then he did not want to go in. Darn it! I locked the doors and raced as fast as this old body could go, in, get the batteries, pay, and out. Gosh, my hair now looks like I ran a marathon, and my cheeks are rosy in color. Man, I am out of shape!

Then we went close by and grabbed a sandwich and of course a diet coke. This time he went in, but not before falling against the car once, and then when we were inside, he fell into the counter where you order. People may have thought that I was the town drunk’s wife! Next we stopped at the pharmacy and got yet another prescription called in for Al.

All this time, I had it planned to the letter T. It was a full circle. Al only had to get out of the car twice, once to eat, and once to go inside to the doctor’s office. I raced in and got the medications, because I knew they were ready, and locked the car and took my keys. I think I was gone about five minutes.

Then the doctor. Oh wow, what a trip this was! I had told Al he was having lab work done, but when we were at the little receptionist window, she told me the doctor wanted to see him first, and I had previously told him we would not be seeing the doctor today, just labs.

This confused Al way too much. He started crying and when we were called back to the doctor’s rooms he was still crying. He reached out to the doctor and took a hold of his doctor jacket and said please help me. I don’t want to live anymore. God doesn’t care about me because he won’t let me die, and no one else cares either.

The doctor is looking at Al and then at me and back at Al. I said now you see what I deal with at home 24/7. We do have good days, but what you see here, are the normal days. The doctor made a big boo-boo. He told Al that PD does not cause this much pain and he sort of chuckled a little. This ripped Al apart, because now to him, his doctor didn’t believe him either. I always believe him, I am not saying that, it is just I can not do anything to help him anymore as a sister, except to guide him and love him.

Al went on a crying binge. He took his glasses off and wailed nice and loud and begged for death. The doctor continues talking and says that he believes that Al has some kind of auto-immune problem on top of his PD, maybe, and he just wanted to see him first, before he went forth with the labs.

I am not sure what he thought he was going to gain by seeing him, but he did get an eyeful today. He wrote out two new prescriptions for Al. Two things Al has never taken before for  pain, and then told him to go get the lab work done.

Al and I leave that area and go to labs and the lab girl comes and gets his blood. Then Al gets his coat on with great slowness and with my help, and we get out to the lobby, and I set a new appointment for next week for a recheck on these new medications he is starting today, and the lab lady realizes she had two papers for blood work,instead of one, and she needed to poke him again.

Call me what you want, but I threw a tiny fit. I said this is great, he is crying his eyes out, is in too much pain, and now you want to give him another needle. She went over to Al and explained her error, and he just got up and walked with her. I don’t know where his mind was, but he didn’t seem to mind another stab.

After this ordeal, we had to go back to the pharmacy to get the new prescriptions filled and I promised Al he could get a diet cherry coke back at the fountain, since he could not stay in the car this time. There could be some waiting since it was not a refill. He was all for the coke so he didn’t fight it.

We got them in a very prompt manner, because this pharmacy is just the best all around in town, and then we came home. I got out and got all the goodies out of the back seat, and as I always do, I hurry to the house and unlock the door, and drop the stash, then race back to the car to help Al in, but this time was different.

I go back out the door and Al is pointing to his hand with his other hand. He is just standing there not trying to walk. I look really close at the situation to see what is going on, and Al’s thumb is in the door. He had shut the door with his thumb in it.

I ran faster than a bolt of lightning, down the ramp to the car, and jerked that door open faster than you can say Monkey’s Ass, and looked at his thumb. Al is not crying now, I think he is in shock. Blood is starting to drip, from where it got a piece of his skin, and the nail it blue already.

I am thinking what do I do, what do I do. Is this considered and ER trip? I ask Al does it hurt, and I am sure if Al could get by with it, he would have slapped me silly for that question. I tell him we are going in the house so I can clean it and examine it, and we need to walk as fast as we can, but that didn’t work. Al’s walking was no faster than any other time.

We got in the house and went straight to the kitchen and I ran cold water over it for a few minutes, then I examined it. It wiggled, it was lightly bleeding, and the thumbnail was becoming deeper blue. Since the bleeding had almost stopped, I wrapped it in a band-aid, and had him take one of his new pills for pain.

He is now laying down but right before he drifted off, I took another look at the band-aid. I did see blood but none seeping through. I asked him how it felt and he said fine. Wow, if that would have been my thumb, fine is not the word you would have heard me say, but let’s let him rest. I get no nap or rest today, as it is almost 5:30pm, and he will be awake in forty-five minutes for his supper, but yet that is enough time for a quick cat nap, so talk to you all later tonight.

 

Trip Gone Bad


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I try to be nice and thoughtful in general, so I decided to take Al out to supper to the DQ. They have the Pumpkin Blizzards now, and I had a coupon plus they had a special going on for 2 double cheeseburgers for $4.00. I knew that he had not been out of the house for the weekend, plus he is still upset for the fact that as he says, he is not healed yet, so why is the shower girl and therapy people not wanting to keep coming here.

The office people from the Home Health Care told me this morning, that they were going to see what was going on, which to me, did not make me feel real secure, because if the office doesn’t know, then who does? All day the phone never rang, so I don’t know if anyone is coming back this week or not. I gave Al his shower this morning, but I should not have to do that part of his personal care, and I still don’t appreciate it hours later, that no one called me prior, and I just received a text message at 9am, saying the shower girl would not be back, and his shower was scheduled for 10:30. Great big notice you gave me, thank you very much!

So we went into the DQ, and he seemed happy about getting his blizzard and his food. The girl brought the food over to our table and we started to eat, and then he asks me if we can go to Wal-Mart to get him some slipper socks. I just had mentioned that this morning as I was putting clean clothes into his dresser drawers, that we should get some more now that the weather was turning colder. I told him that we could not go to Wal-Mart, as it was going to be dark in about forty-five minutes, and the deer are out now in early evening. I do not like to drive after dark, because I guess old age tends to make the eyesight worse, and I also did not want to get slammed by a deer.

He started to cry and when he gets upset his tremors pick up more speed, so I said how about we stop at the Dollar General store on the way home. I can run in and get them much faster than going to the big store. His reply was no. I said that I thought he wanted to get slipper socks and he stated yes he did, but he only wanted to get them from Wal-Mart.

Knowing him as well as I do, I knew he had a side purpose for wanting to go. He wanted to look at the toy section for more big cars. Now these cars are cool, I admit, but they also run from $15.00-$24.00. I have been working with him on a goal that he can only have these expensive cars once a month. When he didn’t want me to stop at the smaller store, I knew right a way it was the car section that was making him want to go to the larger store.

For the second time I explained quietly and nicely, that the answer was no. He began to raise his voice and cry harder, and the tremors were full force by now. I hate to say it folks, but I was beginning to get mad, not upset, mad.

If it is your young child throwing a fit, you can pick him up and remove him from the scene, but a big man, I can not do this. I told him to hush, to knock off the tears, that his game of throwing a fit was not going to work. I reminded him of where we were, and that people were staring at him, and reminded him that he didn’t like people to see his tremors so I was sure they did not want to hear him or see his tears.

He continued this bad behavior all through our meal. I snapped at him and told him that I was done being nice, that I was thinking of him when we decided to go out to eat, and I did not appreciate this bad treatment. So he stared at me with every bite he took. I was so angry at his fit, that I wanted to grab my supper and head for the safety of my car, but instead I snapped once more, and I picked up my ice water and told him if he did not cut the tears and zip his lips, I was going to have to splash him with my ice water, and then he says too loudly, that is abuse!

I got up and left my supper sit, and went to the car. I could see him from the front door as he sat there and ate, and he kept shaking his head back and forth, at the bad treatment he thought I was giving him. He is lucky, because what I wanted to do was pick him up and give him a spanking. Yep, I sure thought that. I don’t care how old he is, you don’t throw temper tantrums in public, when I am with you.

As I was sitting in the car watching him and waiting for him to finish, I looked up at the ceiling of my car and silently cried out, please someone help stop what is happening. I am tired, someone help me. If anyone listened nothing happened. He finished eating and put his jacket on, and came to the car and we came home. He is in his room sulking and crying and I am healing myself through blogging.