doors | Who I am

You’re having a nightmare, and have to choose between three doors. Pick one,

and tell us about what you find on the other side.

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I will pick door number two, because in my mind it is in the middle. It can’t be too bad or too good to be true.

What I found on the other side was magnificent. Beautiful trees with shimmery golden leaves. A blue sky that went on forever and ever; not even a puff of a cloud in my view.The sun was brighter than anything I have ever seen. It sparkled more than the biggest diamond.

A long brick path leading down a long narrow lane. It split off at the end and once again I was able to choose which of the three paths I would take. The bricks were as new, never having had a footprint on it. Not a sliver or blade of grass grew in between the cracks.

I walked the path, feeling like I should walk in bare feet to not leave specks of dirt to follow me. I could smell the dirt around me. It smelled so fresh, like it had just been placed. It was so dark like a strong cup of coffee. It smelled like it had been freshly watered.

Rustling of leaves made music to walk to. Branches bending down welcoming me on my trip. Birds of many colors flew near and above me. Whispering sweet words of hellos and welcomes.

I reached the end of the road and I chose door number one. A new beginning, a promise of hope, new sights. Number one always represents the first. The first of everything to come my way.

As I entered the big golden oak door, my eyes popped, and tears raced down my face. I had made the right choice. A sight awaited for me, hands reaching out to welcome me, gathering around me, heart to hearts were being shared.

Every void that I have suffered the past 12 years were replaced and made whole. As each soul touched me another hole was filled. When I looked down at myself, it was as if I was brand new and had never been branded with pain.

I saw my dear Mother, who was the first to come greet me. As I looked into her green eyes, glittery tears reflected into my heart. She loved me, she had always loved me. All the guilt I had carried all my life about the way I had treated her had vanished.

Behind her, coming out of the shadow was my daddy. I fell on bended knees and wept like a new-born baby. My daddy, the hero of my life. I stood up and raced into his open arms and gave him the biggest bear hug I could muster. I heard him whisper in my ear,” I am sorry my daughter. I should have been more open. I should have told you that I loved you. I was shy and didn’t know how to reach out”.

“Oh daddy, I always knew you loved me. You may not have said it, but I always felt it”. We hugged and the clock quit ticking as the two of us healed. We drew apart and the three of us formed a small circle. We took each others hands and held tight. We would never disappear from one another again.

In the background, I saw familiar faces. I smiled and was greeted with loving faces of my grandparents, aunts and uncles. I turned towards the door and I saw it being nudged to open, but it would not. I let go of my parents hands and gently walked up to the big oak door, trying to peek into the peep-hole.

I wept once again as I saw my dear brother standing on the other side. He was calling my name. He was kicking and crying and knocking on the door. I could hear him telling me, ” Please let me in sis. Don’t leave me out here all alone”.

I said to him,” I hear you Al, I hear you calling my name. I love you brother with all of my heart. I am here with mom and dad and grandma and grandpa. They are waving hello to you brother”. The noise stopped as he leaned his ear close to the wood and strained to hear every word I said. He said, ” Please let me in. I am afraid. I don’t want to be here without you”. With this I replied, ” I can not do as you wish for this one time. God is whispering in my ear, that it is not your time. Go back dear brother. Be brave, hold your chin up high. You will be alright. I am watching over you. The good news is you just have to wait a little while longer, and then we shall all be together, a family again”. As I looked through the peep-hole, I saw him lower his head and walk slowly a way. My heart ached as I always wanted to give him what he wished for. I said to myself, it won’t be long baby brother, it won’t be long.