Figuring It Out
How powerful is our mind? Have you ever thoughtmaybe you did something at some point in your life…
How powerful is our mind? Have you ever thought maybe you did something at some point in your life but you aren’t positive? Can our minds play tricks on our memories?
Maybe, I know for me I have one vision that I dream about and one that just pops into my head when ever it feels like. One of them I know it is very possible that I saw this area in my year in Germany. The other vision I am not sure if I lived it or I wished it.
The one I think about often only comes to me in my dreams. A red-circle, brick walking path. I always see the same dream each time. A cement round bench with a big shade tree in the middle.
I always vision Germans walking and riding their bikes. Sunny days with my first-born in her over-sized carriage sitting on the bench smiling and enjoying my view. I don’t actually remember this place in my waking hours. I don’t ever remember being a way from my husband long enough to have that much time to myself.
I can remember taking her for many walks, strolling the store fronts, a time of peace and happy times. Oh don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband very much. He was in the military and in the warm months I took her on many walks; but being by myself and not doing for others was always a joy I cherished.
The other vision I have but, usually in my waking hours is the little white house with the picket fence. It looks pretty much like this photo I borrowed from the internet.
I can’t imagine I ever got to live in something this nice and adorable with the kind of life I had as a very young child. I have a sneaky feeling that the child in me wishes that I had lived that simple life.
My parents were young when I was born. Being young doesn’t make a good mix for remaining married and this was my case. Parental kidnapping and divorce, fights and too much of the bottle makes me believe that house never existed.
I don’t sit and ponder on this, but just like today I was sitting here eating my breakfast. Prior to that I was feeding Al and changing his bedding, bathing him and brushing my teeth. I can remember thinking I wish I could eat my breakfast too.
When I made my breakfast and was sitting here at the computer with Hallmark Christmas movies on, and eating my eggs and toast, the little white house appeared in my mind once again.
I decided I needed to figure out what it was that brought that image back again and again. Now that I look back at my words I have some fuzzy ideas. It must have something to do with that vision of Germany. A mixture of a happy childhood, comfort of a home with happy faces all around. It makes sense.
But accepting what happened as a child and letting the visions drop seems to be another issue. I realize also that when I face these visions I find myself with tears of sadness. I guess for what once never was, and hoping it did exist.
I didn’t ask to be born or taken from my home. The only time I got to decide and make choices for me alone was when I moved out from the family home. When we are young we see so many scenes in different views.
When we get older we get to go back. With age and habitual living we sometimes have regrets. For me I have regrets of a life I had no choices to make. I do see the positive though in my past life.
I worked much harder at letting my children see that I loved them. Telling them how I feel about them is high on my priority list. Spending time on the phone or in person is so important to me.
So I think in the end, a little tidbit of more information is these thoughts, visions and dreams come when I am feeling the most alone.
Alright, now that I have figured a little more of me out, what do I do with this new information? I don’t know yet.
I Have a Dream
I have a dream
I carry within my heart
It helps me to continue
While we are apart.
I have a dream
I carry within my heart
It helps me to continue
While we are apart.
I have a dream
I see the stars
I see the moon
And every where you are.
I have a dream
I will see your face
I will touch your lips
Your love I shall taste.
I have a dream
No more lonely nights
No pillows with tears
Only joy and delight.
I have a dream
And this carries me through
Until the day arrives
And I am standing with you.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
09/30/2013
I would wipe
Away all illness
Every day would
Be new and kind
No sharp tongues
Families holding
Thoughts and hands
No starving
No sleeping
In boxes
Children would
Be free to roam
Unafraid of no one
If I ruled the world
God would
Be smiling
As he would
Be pleased.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
09/18/2013
Daily Prompt; Six of One, Half a Dozen of Other
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Write a six-word…
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Write a six-word story about what you think the future holds for you, and then expand on it in a post.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us SIX.
My future holds nothing more than what God is willing to give me. Until the last breath I take I will have;
3. A book available to me with all answers.
4. A promise that I will be able to deal with every problem the world throws at me.
5. A promise that I will never walk alone.
6. The guarantee of going to heaven if I only believe, trust and accept.
Everything else that happens in my life between this second and my last breath is icing on the cake.
Daily Prompts; Bookworm
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Tell us about the last book you read (Why did you…
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Tell us about the last book you read (Why did you choose it?
Would you recommend it?). To go further, write a post based on its
subject matter.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us WORDS.
The last book I read was called, A Child Called It.
It is written by Dave Pelzer. He is actually writing about himself.
Can you not hear
Me screaming
From my dark room
You have given to me
Can you not see the
Fear in my eyes
As you throw me
A crumb to fill
My empty tummy
Can you please
Explain what I have
Done to deserve
This torture
Did you not want me
Was I born ugly or stained
All I wanted
Was to be loved.
Written by
Terry Shepherd
06/16/2013
I would recommend this book to anyone who has ever been abused in any way. It is about the strength that comes from deep within the soul to survive this ordeal and come out on top.