Figuring It Out


How powerful is our mind? Have you ever thought maybe you did something at some point in your life but you aren’t positive? Can our minds play tricks on our memories?

Maybe, I know for me I have one vision that I dream about and one that just pops into my head when ever it feels like. One of them I know it is very possible that I saw this area in my year in Germany. The other vision I am not sure if I lived it or I wished it.

The one I think about often only comes to me in my dreams. A red-circle, brick walking path. I always see the same dream each time. A cement round bench with a big shade tree in the  middle.

I always vision Germans walking and riding their bikes. Sunny days with my first-born in her over-sized carriage sitting on the bench smiling and enjoying my view. I don’t actually remember this place in my waking hours. I don’t ever remember being a way from my husband long enough to have that much time to myself.

I can remember taking her for many walks, strolling the store fronts, a time of peace and happy times. Oh don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband very much. He was in the military and in the warm months I took her on many walks;  but being by myself and not doing for others was always a joy I cherished.

The other vision I have but, usually in my waking hours is the little white house with the picket fence. It looks pretty much like this photo I borrowed from the internet.white house

I can’t imagine I ever got to live in something this nice and adorable with the kind of life I had as a very young child. I have a sneaky feeling that the child in me wishes that I had lived that simple life.

My parents were young when I was born. Being young doesn’t make a good mix for remaining married and this was my case. Parental kidnapping and divorce, fights and too much of the bottle makes me believe that house never existed.

I don’t sit and ponder on this, but just like today I was sitting here eating my breakfast. Prior to that I was feeding Al and changing his bedding, bathing him and brushing my teeth. I can remember thinking I wish I could eat my breakfast too.

When I made my breakfast and was sitting here at the computer with Hallmark Christmas movies on, and eating my eggs and toast, the little white house appeared in my mind once again.

I decided I needed to figure out what it was that brought that image back again and again. Now that I look back at my words I have some fuzzy ideas. It must have something to do with that vision of Germany. A mixture of a happy childhood, comfort of a home with happy faces all around. It makes sense.

But accepting what happened as a child and letting the visions drop seems to be another issue. I realize also that when I face these visions I find myself with tears of sadness. I guess for what once never was, and hoping it did exist.

I didn’t ask to be born or taken from my home. The only time I got to decide and make choices for me alone was when I moved out from the family home. When we are young we see so many scenes in different views.

When we get older we get to go back. With age and habitual living we sometimes have regrets. For me I have regrets of a life I had no choices to make. I do see the positive though in my past life.

I worked much harder at letting my children see that I loved them. Telling them how I feel about them is high on my priority list. Spending time on the phone or in person is so important to me.

So I think in the end, a little tidbit of more information is these thoughts, visions and dreams come when I am feeling the most alone.

Alright, now that I have figured a little more of me out, what do I do with this new information? I don’t know yet.

I Have a Dream


emerald_river-1280x800I have a dream

I carry within my heart

It helps me to continue

While we are apart.

I have a dream

I see the stars

I see the moon

And every where you are.

I have a dream

I will see your face

I will touch your lips

Your love I shall taste.

I have a dream

No more lonely nights

No pillows with tears

Only joy and delight.

I have a dream

And this carries me through

Until the day arrives

And I am standing with you.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

09/30/2013

 

If I Ruled The World


If I ruled the world                                                                      earth

I would wipe

Away all illness

Every day would

Be new and kind

No sharp tongues

Families holding

Thoughts and hands

No starving

No sleeping

In boxes

Children would

Be free to roam

Unafraid of no one

If I ruled the world

God would

Be smiling

As he would

Be pleased.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

09/18/2013

Daily Prompt; Six of One, Half a Dozen of Other


http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/09/10/daily-prompt-six/, DP, Daily Prompt

Write a six-word story about what you think the future holds for you, and then expand on it in a post.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us SIX.

My future holds nothing more than what God is willing to give me. Until the last breath I take I will have;

1. food on my tableFarm to Table053

2. A roof over my head.roof

3. A book available to me with all answers.bible

4. A promise that I will be able to deal with every problem the world throws at me.globe

5. A promise that I will never walk alone.god and me

6. The guarantee of going to heaven if I only believe, trust and accept.heaven

Everything else that happens in my life between this second and my last breath is icing on the cake.icing

Daily Prompts; Bookworm


Down Into the Basement

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Tell us about the last book you read (Why did you choose it?

Would you recommend it?). To go further, write a post based on its

subject matter.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us WORDS.

The last book I read was called, A Child Called It.

Spoiled Food

Spoiled Food

dreams and wishes. 62/365

dreams and wishes.

It is written by Dave Pelzer. He is actually writing about himself.

Can you not hear

Me screaming

From my dark  room

You have given to me

Can you not see the

Fear in my eyes

As you throw me

A crumb to fill

My empty tummy

Can you please

Explain what I have

Done to deserve

This torture

Did you not want me

Was I born ugly or stained

All I wanted

Was to be loved.

Written by

Terry  Shepherd

06/16/2013

I would recommend this book to anyone who has ever been abused in any way. It is about the strength that comes from deep within the soul to survive this ordeal and come out on top.