Out of My League

Now this was by far the most outlandish night I have had in months. I had a dream, as a famous quote was stated; but mine was relevant to, well I don’t even know the answer.

I dreamed I was in my right mind, and the current year; although there were two people from the past in my dream. No one I had ever met, yet surely was familiar with the names.

I spoke to, dined with, and led a life intertwined with these two famous people. Now, for the drum roll please.




Andrew Jackson (March 15, 1767 – June 8, 1845) was the seventh President of the United States (1829–1837). He was born in a poor farming family near the poorly marked border between North and South Carolina. Jackson was briefly captured by the British during the American Revolutionary War. He became a lawyer and in 1796 he was in Nashville and helped found the state of Tennessee. He was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives, and then to the U. S. Senate, Jackson was in 1801 appointed colonel in the Tennessee Militia. Throughout his lifetime Jackson owned hundreds of slaves who worked on his Hermitage plantation he acquired in 1804.


Also another name familiar to I believe everyone. Abe Lincoln.


Abraham Lincoln Listeni/ˈbrəhæm ˈlɪŋkən/ (February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865) was the 16th president of the United States, serving from March 1861 until his assassination in April 1865. Lincoln led the United States through its Civil War—its bloodiest war and its greatest moral, constitutional and political crisis.[1][2] In doing so, he preserved the Union, abolished slavery, strengthened the federal government, and modernized the economy. Reared in a poor family on the western frontier, Lincoln was a self-educated lawyer in Illinois, a Whig Party leader, state legislator during the 1830s, and a one-term member of the Congress during the 1840s. He promoted rapid modernization of the economy through banks, canals, railroads and tariffs to encourage the building of factories; he opposed the war with Mexico in 1846. After a series of highly publicized debates in 1858, during which Lincoln spoke out against the expansion of slavery, he lost the U.S. Senate race to his archrival, Democrat Stephen A. Douglas. Lincoln, a moderate from a swing state, secured the Republican Party presidential nomination in 1860. With very little support in the slave states, Lincoln swept the North and was elected president in 1860. His election prompted seven southern slave states to form the Confederacy before he took the office. No compromise or reconciliation was found regarding slavery.


Now what in the world did this dream mean? Why would I dream such a dream? When I woke up this morning, I swear I felt smarter. LOL




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Daily Prompt; Lucky Star

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Today is your lucky day. You get three wishes, granted to you by The Daily Post. What are your three wishes and why?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us WISHES.

Ever since I became a mom I wanted to be able to leave my three children something to remember me by. So my first wish is: To have my first book, Dahlia, finally land in my hands, published, along with three copies for my kids.

I am not sure if Daily Post can give me my second wish because it is a biggie. My second wish is to have my children stripped of all sad, bad, painful memories. I would have my children all on the same page and they would stay in touch with me, their mom, at least once a week.

My third wish is a greedy wish. I wish for something I know Daily Post can not produce, but I can dream can’t I? I wish for me to bump into, or he knocks on my door, or I see him while taking photographs, and we look at each other, and we just know we were always meant to be.

I have to break the rules here friends. Yes, leave it to me to stray from the path. I can’t help myself ok? My fourth and final wish for this prompt is that I see the angels lifting Al from his bed. I see the smile on his face that I have come to know. I see the sickness spilling out of his body. I see Jesus holding his arms out reaching for Al. I hear the choirs singing. I see the rain turn to sun. I see Al standing among our family and they are all waving at me and waiting for my arrival next.

Alright, I am done. Thank-you for letting me dream upon the stars.


Vomit or Blog It

Yesterday when Hospice was here, the nurse and I  had a conversation alone out of Al’s bedroom. She told me it was time to get Al’s clothes together for what I wished him to wear at his funeral.

She told me to get around several photos of Al, and the funeral home would put together a video that would be shown  to others walking in. This was all hard for me to swallow. I decided to wait until tomorrow and have my girlfriend help me with this.

I was so excited last night when the phone rang and it was my girlfriend letting me know she was returning for another visit with me. I don’t know what I would do without her. She is just the best.

But during the conversation between the nurse and I, she made a comment that made me want to run to the bathroom and vomit. Pictures flew through my mind and they were not pretty at all.

The nurse didn’t smile or laugh. She seemed very serious. I  pondered on her words all day. I finally forced myself to walk to the mailbox and check my mail. I had to get out of the house.

Al was sleeping so I took the ten minutes to walk and snap a few photos. I will post those at the end of this post.

Last night Al didn’t go to sleep until about 3am. I was so tired after having the night before being about the same and no caregiver for two days. I tried sleeping in my recliner but my mind kept going back to our conversation earlier.

I couldn’t sleep in my bed so I laid down on the couch. I finally fell asleep only to be woken by nightmares. The nightmares were of our conversation earlier that day. I stumbled through the night with restless sleep and recurring nightmares.

The caregiver came today and by noon I could hardly keep my eyes open. I had to lay down. I excused myself and laid on the couch. I think because the caregiver was here I went to sleep immediately.

Tonight I am trying very hard to forget what that nurse said, but it is hard. I finally decided to blog my thoughts, hoping between your comments to come and lack of sleep I can get by until tomorrow when my friend arrives.

Do you want to know what the nurse told me? She said so matter-of-fact, that when the hearse comes to take Al’s body, they will put it in the back of the car and then go from place to place, and pile these bodies up and together in the back of that car.

All I could see is Al, my baby brother, being crushed and mauled by other deceased bodies. Even thinking about it now makes me want to vomit. Is this the way it really happens?

If not, why did she comment with it. I would give anything to have been deaf when she spoke. Even if for some chance she was trying to get a smile out of me or lighten the death coming, it didn’t sit well with  me at all.

This is my brother, the one I have cared for, for six years, fighting this terrible MSA. I don’t want to hear this crap. I am not accustomed to working with death like Hospice is.

There, I got it out, now I hope it helps me to sleep tonight.

snow daysnow day 2snow day 3snow day 4

Daily Prompt; But No Cigar

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Tell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us CLOSE.

This is the story of my life. Almost, could have, should have; and yet I know within my heart, I am where I am supposed to be at this moment.

I almost had the perfect place to live and yet something wasn’t quite right. I still dream of it. I can still see it in my mind. The beautiful land, the friendly people, caring family near by. But at that point, it wasn’t meant to be, but still hoping.

I almost had the perfect long-term marriage. Almost but no cigar. The saying goes if you can remain married for the first five years you have a great chance of success. How about almost 18 years of marriage? What about the best deal and yet mid-life crisis wins.

I almost found the perfect mate in my life. Great looking, kind eyes, good attitude. But the potatoes always fall out of the bag and to find out he was married, spoiled the whole sack.

I have no regrets. I have learned many things. I realize God is using me in ways I don’t always understand. When the moment is right, when all is in place, I will have or recognize that I always was in the right place at the right time.





The Secret Place


The Secret Place

Is this where Al lives when he leaves

A place I don’t know but can only grieve?

Is he seeing a place filled with smiles

That I can only wish for a little while?

Is he floating above his pain so great

Is he standing close to the golden gates?

Does he dream of when he was a child

When life was smooth and very mild?

Is  he sitting with our Mom and Dad

Is he speaking of all the plans he had?

Has he seen a glimpse of Jesus too

Will he come back and tell us, me and you?

Is there a spot within his heart

That he really does want to part?

I hope with all I have to dare

That he always remembers I did care.

I wish for him to have some peace

You know he was here on a life-time lease.

I told him last night that he should go

That I understand his pain and this I know.

His eyes were dazed but I know he heard

My voice, my love in every word.

When the time does come and he must go

I know I will miss him and my tears will show.

For he is the best brother no doubt

He holds my heart with a heavy clout.

So dear God I said it for real

I told him to go I made no deal.

Now when you come and lift him high

And in a blink he is in the skies.

Please keep telling him he is the best

Remember Lord he needs to rest.

I made him promise he would save me a spot

He smiled at me and took all I got.

My heart, my soul and my memories too

Will be here waiting to see him and you.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd