It’s been a few days since I have blogged; but I have been busy. As you all know I moved after Al, my brother passed away. I just couldn’t face the home we lived in each day. My mourning was so deep, I couldn’t see anything but him every step I took.
I moved down to my daughter’s area. I knew that I had Parkinson’s and my deep emotions made me believe I would be better off in a new area. I am not positive of the real reasons I moved here. I should state, I don’t know if I made the decision or God allowed the move.
I do know that being away from Warsaw did me a lot of good. I was able to spend more time with my family here in Kentucky. I was introduced to baby chicks, great pets, friendly people and quiet living. I did have a better chance of healing from losing Al. I still think of him daily, but I am better. I have to look at the positive of being out from under those walls he and I shared.
I have been here 8 months. In this time, I have done everything in my power, aside from standing on my head to locate a job. Throughout doubting myself as a suitable candidate for hire, I discovered, that it isn’t so much your qualifications you have obtained; but rather who you know.
Maybe this is true in any small town, or maybe it is due partially to being in the south. I will always admire how family sticks together here and looks out for each other. I don’t see that so much up north.
The job never came. Interviews came and went. No one knew me, so passing me over for someone they knew was their option they took. The weather here is much better. The snow is less, the heat is hotter. More mountains, more trees, more beauty.
In the end, I know from being the age I am that no one is going to take care of me; but me. I say this in all good faith. Of course, if I was in an emergency situation or needed health care or a nursing home, my family would be right there for me.
I am not at that point though. Nursing homes enter my mind; but down the road, and hopefully way down the road. Using a cane I guess is not that bad. It enables me to still walk. I could be so much worse and hopefully I won’t be worse for a long time. I did learn that I want to live. I can’t sit and worry about what tomorrow will bring, and that is what I was doing; waiting and wondering. What I didn’t do when I was back home was have enough faith in God that as each point came in my life, he would help me solve the problem.
I just know that it didn’t work out here and I must go back home to Indiana. Of course, I will be thrilled to see my 2 sons and all the grandchildren. Definitely, I will miss my family down here.
I have to work. I must have some income flowing into my life. I can not live on faith alone and I refuse to live on hand-outs, so I have made this decision to return. I will be moving back to Indiana May 2. I was able to obtain a nice apartment which is even close to a dear friend of mine. I have already applied for a position there and if nothing else; I can return to Hospice work.
I hate the thought of renting, but I can’t kick myself repeatedly for the decisions I have already made. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to own property any longer. Next week I will be 61 and I am not sure owning property, upkeep, taxes, and worry is something I really want at this point. I guess I look at it as; I am paying rent in order to live a stress-free life.
So from here until the next 2 weeks, I am doing that nasty thing we all have done at one point or another. I am packing, cleaning and moving.