Right now I am starting to get Al’s clothes packed once again as he will be going to the Hospice…
Right now I am starting to get Al’s clothes packed once again as he will be going to the Hospice…
Right now I am starting to get Al’s clothes packed once again as he will be going to the Hospice house. He is no better and I can barely think. They, the doctors and nurses are going to tell Al he is going to be termed as bed bound.
I didn’t have the heart or the guts to take a way what he has left. But the truth is he can no longer stand, or rarely, and his body is tired.
I am torn up inside. Hospice says Al just can’t take anything anymore. They feel the only way to help him is have him bed bound so they can medicate him enough to stop the tremors pretty much. I just don’t know. I just don’t know.
The words do not come easy
As I am choking up
My brother is going to leave
Me and tears shall fill my cup.
The silence of when he is gone
For even a few days
Gives new meaning to what is ahead
I can not even begin to say.
The tears fall so easily
They pour as a flowing stream
My heart is cracked in fragments
Because this has shattered my brother’s dream.
He wanted to go to Atlanta
Where coca cola is made
He was invited by the president
But the plan was never laid.
And now I must accept
That one day he won’t be here
But I know that he will be in heaven
And his pain he will never fear.
Let me out of the washing machine. I am being spun around and washed until there is no dirt remaining. Can’t you see me in here? I am punching the safety glass, blowing more bubbles through my nose than even the soap has and yet no one rescues me.
Every day someone throws me in another dirty pile of crap. Expecting me to come clean, to know all the answers. Well listen here, I am just a plain Jane gal from the small midwest and I don’t know anymore than you do.
Take me out of the washer and place me in the dryer with some towels that will grow fluffy as they dry. I will bounce around falling gently on each soft piece of cotton. I will lay my head down and let the warmth of each slice of fabric wrap me gently up and cradle me through the timed cycle.
When the buzzer goes off, you have been warned that I am now in perfect, like-new condition once again. Hold me gently. Fold me evenly and lie me carefully on the shelf. Remember my color and please don’t grab for me first. Let me rest for a spell. Let me get my thoughts back together.
Then come for me. I promise I will be at my best. You can pick at my fiber and maybe I will not look you in the face with a dumb blank stare. Maybe I will be useful immediately when you probe me. Maybe I will be the best darn thing you have looked at all day.
This was my morning friends. My brain isn’t even a wake yet and already the phone is ringing. People want answers. People ask about Al. How is his pain, does he need anything? This is great, I couldn’t ask for more. But, can you give me five seconds to wake up? Can you wait until I have had my first cup of coffee or maybe splashed some cold water on my half-closed eyes?
You have to remember that I don’t get as much sleep as I used to. Al has rough nights and sometimes isn’t asleep until wee hours in the morning.
As I had to do a complete bed change on Al’s bed this morning and also change my bedding, fix him breakfast, wash him up, get him dressed, shave, brush his teeth, pick out which car he was taking to Day Program for Show-n-tell, fix his lunch, make sure he had pop money, start the laundry, put new sheets on the beds, answer the phone, answer the cell, I was pooped. I had all this done by 8:30am.
As I left to meet with the Hospice nurse I saw an accident waiting to happen on my way to town. A very elderly man was riding a riding lawn mower. He was mowing close to the edge of a pond. He was also on a slant. He was so darn close to the edge I just had an eerie feeling that the pond would suck him in at any moment.
I actually stopped on the edge of the road and watched him a few minutes and then I prayed for his safety. I met the nurse and she asked me 20 questions. Hospice and two doctors are considering taking more of Al’s medications a way. Letting him ride out his journey in more comfort instead of continuous side-effects.
This is something that I am totally mixed up about. If you take a way his medications what will happen? Will his heart stop? Will his blood pressure soar? Will he be more comfortable? I don’t know the answers, please don’t ask me my thoughts. This is my baby brother and I have been the one all along dragging me feet in the sand.
Don’t put this pressure on me. Ask someone else who isn’t close to him. I am not a coward. I just don’t want to be the one responsible if Al dies earlier than he should. How could I live with that?
I left the meeting and went to the car wash and washed the car. It was so full of bird poo that I am surprised the paint was not starting to chip a way. I stopped at my favorite little shop that sells used consignments and bought Al some Coca Cola post cards, a coca cola battery operated radio, and some coca cola coaster. I can’t wait to give them to him when he comes home.
I collect a few things. One of them being shakers. The old-time giant salt shakers? Yes, those. I found a really old one. The lid was tin and pretty thin, and the shaker was worn itself but the word salt was still clear and the shaker is in that old yellow color. It was a good buy so I got that to add to my shelf.
That was relaxing. Although I was thinking of Al while shopping, wondering if I could find him something, I wasn’t answering questions. I was alone and it was nice.
I stopped at the grocery store and got Al more prune juice and pop. I never want to be without either one of these. My sugar dropped too low while I was in the store so the deli gave me a chicken strip and a little cup of apple salad.
I stood there eating it kicking that stupid Diabetes right in the butt. I hate being a diabetic, I really do. When I am not hungry of I am busy I don’t want to take the time out to eat. But when my legs became jello and black shadows were forming around my eyeballs, I knew I was in trouble.
Thanks to the store I made it safely on my way and now am home. Thank goodness, I have an hour and a half before Al comes home.
http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt
Plan the ultimate celebration for the person you’re closest to, and tell us about it. Where is it? Who’s there? What’s served? What happens?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us CELEBRATION.
I would invest in one more gazebo since the winds took down my other one. I would place a nice-sounding waterfall inside of it. I would place indoor outdoor white lights all around the top of the inside. A special ceiling fan would be running at the top with those feather like blades.
Outside of the gazebo, there would be two tables. One for foods and one for gifts. All the white lights on my ramp would be turned on. My party would be at dusk. Lighted torches would light the path to the crackling fire pit. Sticks would be lined up around the pit for use of hotdogs and marshmallows.
From inside the house with windows open would be nice playing music. Nothing heavy, I am sorry. I have to be in the right mood for the fast stuff. I think this night would call for calming music. Happy music, yes, that is what I can hear in my mind.
On one table there would be cold cuts, hamburgers, hot dogs, relish trays, salads, finger foods, chips and plenty of buns. Silverware, plates and cups; of course all paper so we can dispose right in that fire.
The other table would be filled with gifts. They would either be vintage cars or coca cola items. All decorations hanging in the breezes would center around coca cola.
Everyone would show up. There would be no turn downs. All the people he worked with. All family left would be here.
Soon a van would pull up in the driveway. The door would be opened and the lift lowered. There would be sitting Al in his wheelchair, and the guys would walk him over to be the guest of the night.
The two men who brought him here would unload all of his possessions and take them to his bedroom and put them a way. I would wave and smile big as I thanked them and watched them leave our home.
Yesterday, I took my brother to an auction that was being held here locally. It was an antique auction, and in the newspaper, it advertised coca cola items, so Al wanted to go. We got there late, but, I don’t mind that, as they are down to business by the time we walk in.
To my surprise the auction was almost over, and there was no coca cola items at all. I could tell Al was not very happy, but he didn’t throw any fits. We went ahead and stayed as I had eyes for a few minor pieces, and the auction seemed to be running fairly cheap, so I might just get lucky. Here are some photos of the items I bought.
This is a cute little pink atomizer. The next photo down is a Perfection tin box that has different colors for coloring frosting, eggs, etc. I don’t have to explain this one, as it is obvious that it is a comb and brush! LOL. This is a beautiful ladies hat with a very nice brass and rhinestone pin. Can you picture me wearing it today to church? LOL The next photo turned out a tad bit too fuzzy as I was too close, but it is the matching shoulder shawl. It is made out of black satan with hundreds of beads sewn on and long beaded fringe.
I am going to redo my bathroom in this look, for a change.
After we left there, I took him to the big car show that was sponsored by the Boys Club. It helps quite a few local youth here by continuing to have programs for them, and I have always felt it keeps them off the streets and helps them to gain confidence in themselves as they work their way to adulthood.
It was pretty hot, and I think Al had two bottled waters, a diet coke, an ice-ee, and a bowl of ice-cream. We definitely helped the boys club through Al’s donations through foods!
We both came home, and I gave Al a shower, and he slept for a couple of hours. We both had very light suppers, and he watched Pawn Stars and he and Cali, the kitten, played together, Al using the plastic handle on his cane, and Cali, chasing it.
I could barely enjoy myself on the computer, as I had walked too much, placing my diabetic neuropathy feet in pain, and being out in all of that heat. I ended up lying on the couch most of the evening, only checking emails periodically. I was so glad to go to bed, and I don’t think I moved from my original spot all night. I love having days like that. They don’t happen often, so I tuck them in my memory box.