I have this issue going on so I want to ask for your advice. I also have some information for you also.
The first being Al. I am learning that the days are becoming a little more confusing for him. A good example is this morning. He brushed his teeth after breakfast. I then placed his electric razor in his hand and asked him if he would please try to shave and I would help if he needed it.
He said he already shaved. I said, “no, you just brushed your teeth.”
After a minute of trying to explain he was crying and arguing. I then took the razor and began to shave him. Then he wanted the shaver back and he tried it. It was like something clicked and he realized he hadn’t previously shaven.
This is one example of what is happening here. Last night is another good example. He has terrible tremors and many times he and I have done hands on with changing the channels. Many times I have shown him which buttons he is allowed to use etc.
As he was changing the stations the remote went funky on the inside. No more switching, no nothing. I worked at it for about 20 minutes, frustrated because I didn’t know which button he had already pushed to mess up the remote.
I finally called Dish. After walking through commands and nothing happened, the staff decided it was definitely the remote. This morning a technician is coming out to fix whatever is wrong.
After I hung up from Dish Al went on a rampage of him hitting the wrong buttons. This is because it is usually the case. I explained that this time he did nothing, it was all in the remote.
He cried, he wailed he started getting mad. Mad at himself and I think mad at me because I was telling him it was not his fault. This went on for some time and I could not reason with him so I left his bedroom.
I went back later and offered to take him out to the couch to watch the main TV so he could watch his shows he liked. At first he refused, on the kick of he did something wrong. I was actually starting to get a headache, letting me know that two arguments in one evening were not doing my blood pressure any good.
Finally I convinced him he had three choices. Watch the TV in his room with one station and be limited on viewing, go to bed, or come out to the living room. He did let me bring him out here with me.
This is happening more and more. I blame the confusion but I also know from years of experience Al is a persistent arguer. I can pop a calming down pill in him or wait for him to reason things in his own mind.
Part of me thinks if I pop a pill every time he is confused or gets upset he will be living on these pills.
What should I do? How can I handle this differently as the mind of Al becomes more ill?
The second part is the talks of Al and his funeral. He is becoming obsessed with who is not going to be at his funeral. It is also a familiar topic in our home now a days.
I feel guilty because my mind often drifts to the future, thinking on his funeral. I kick myself for doing this. It makes me feel like I am focusing on his death instead of his living. I am not actually, but I do ponder the more he brings it up.
I was talking to a friend here at WP about the topic of cards. I was wondering if it would be proper if I ever have to make that sad announcement to my friends here would it be alright to let you know our home address in case anyone wanted to send cards.
She suggested I not wait for that gloomy day. That since Al is having issues about who will or not be at his funeral that I suggest Thinking of You, or Wishing You Well, etc. cards be sent now while he is here to enjoy them.
So I thought that was a good idea. I guess what it comes down to friends is that I really do consider you my friends. Just not people in passing, but friends who are involved with Al and my life. I would want to let you know if something happened to Al. I don’t look at any of you as,oh they are just WP friends. Nothing more or less. No, I look at you as part of my life, part of Al’s life.
Al still has his birthday card, and sometimes he will ask me to get them out so he can look at them and hold them.
So I think I am asking you, would you like to send Al a card now?
If so, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I will be more than happy to send you our home address. If you go by another name through your emails that I may not recognize, please put Al’ card in the subject area of your email so I don’t consider it trash or spam.