Ray of Light Amongst the Clouds


For two days Al talked after weeks of no speaking but then it left. Last night he was trying  very hard to let me know about something. I tried and tried but his voice is so soft I couldn’t make it out.

It makes a person feel so totally helpless when you are the one standing and they are the one in bed. I felt like from his facial expressions he was letting me know he is still scared. My friend and I said prayers over him. We promised him I would be alright.

My friend even told him that she would look after me when he is gone. Of course she won’t unless I am in a terrible situation, but we were hoping it would bring some comfort to Al. I just wish I knew whether it did or not.

We have been struggling with temps with Al. He seems to have a temp quite a bit now. This is very common in the last days as the body just doesn’t know what else to do to fight, so it will spike a temp. The day before yesterday it went to 104.6.

Now this scared me as it was very close to the level where a seizure could appear. I got it to come down but then as high as his temps will go, it will also drop too low. Almost to 95 degrees. When it gets that low he is in the state of dying, so we rock that cradle back and forth pretty fast around here.

Today is my friend’s birthday. She turned 60. I always kidded her about her being older than me. Even though we are two months apart, it is still 60 days that I get to be younger. The first thing I did when I woke up is bake a cake for her birthday.

Then I popped some chicken in the crock pot and put the most fabulous sauce and spices over it. It will taste so good. I know for a fact, because I make it often.

Recipe

1/4  cup vinegar

1 bottle BBQ sauce

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon garlic

1/4 cup brown sugar

Mix all together and pour over chicken in a crock pot. Cook at least four hours on low, or until tender.

So when my girlfriend got up I had coffee poured and on the table. A decorated cake awaited for her. I had a lit, very good smelling, candle shining brightly. A plate was placed in front of her with hot bacon, scrambled eggs, and raisin toast, along with water.

So in the midst of the drama of watching the clouds roll through my brother’s room, I found a ray of light in wishing my best friend a happy birthday. Happy Birthday my dearest friend!!!

birthday cake

 

In The Dark of The Days, Still Comes Sunshine Rays


In the dark of the days, still comes sunshine rays……..T.S.

Today has been very quiet. Al has eaten but little at a time. He has mainly slept with the TV noise running in the background. Days seem gloomy when he is so quiet but I know his body is resting so it can go on a glorious trip.

I received two  packages in the mail today. One was from a dear friend Al,   Al

@Kattermonran

a blogger here at WP. He had contacted Coca Cola and told them of my brother’s love of their product. The next thing I knew I opened a package that contained a Coca Cola flag.

coca cola flag

I showed it to Al when he woke up. His eyes got big but he said nothing. I am pretty sure though by the size of his eyes that he really liked it.

Al, thank-you so much for making arrangements to have this sent here. I will never forget.

There was another package in the mail. It came from a dear friend of mine who is an author of Poetry. Marsha McKneely Ault, https://www.facebook.com/marsha.ault

She had sent me a book that was published and inside she had signed a poem she had written about Al. It is an honor to hold this book in my hand and be able to turn to the page and see Al in it. Thank-you so much Marsha.

 

 

 

Marsha's poem

Dedicated to My Friends on Facebook and WordPress


All day I felt sick. I was either nauseated or sitting on the pot. I am tired and stressed. Worn out and frazzled. Tonight I have been doing laundry because as far as I know Al leaves tomorrow around 6:30pm for the Hospice House.

I have cried today. Tears for the helplessness I feel for Al. Tears to have to watch him decline. Tears for the amazing friends, yes I call each of you friends, that have said the kindest words ever I have heard.

How can I not see your face and yet feel so close to so many of you. M.S.A. support pages on Facebook have become a resting place for my mind. No, it is not a joy to see others write to me how they have lost their loved ones to this terrible disease. But so many times they recognize Al’s symptoms because they have dealt with it too.

M.S.A. web pages are full of children caring for parents they have lost. Many are in the same place I am, playing the what is this, what if, and how much more suffering will our loved ones have to tolerate game.

It is a sick game, an emotionally draining game with no end in sight. My dad had leukemia and he never suffered like Al is until the last week of his life. I see Al suffering day in and day out.

My mom had an aneurism and she went into a coma almost immediately. Then there is M.S.A. who lets everyone know it is here and is staying until it gets sick and tired, bored and moves on down the road to the next culprit.

Al has slept for the most part all day. He did eat, smaller meals but eating. He is watching TV so I am writing my thoughts. I look around at the oddities here in our house. I see orange Halloween lights mixed among other corners of Christmas lights and sparkles and I think this is nice, although different, and Al, this is all for you.

I am going to miss him terribly while he is on vacation, but I will also keep it foremost that for me to be able to tackle M.S.A. I need to be in tip-top shape. When I want to fall asleep while Al is awake is not a good thing.

The house will be quiet but maybe Rhino will be my cat again. The washer will silence for a few days. There will only be one TV playing. Meals will go back to easy fixings. Grocery bill will go down. No Hospice nurses to meet, no doctors to see. I can sleep and stay in my house coat all day if I want.

All this will lead to a better sister when he returns. I sort of freak out just a bit. What if God takes him while he is gone but then I think, no, God won’t allow that. He knows how important it is to me that I am holding Al’s hand when that happens.

I always notice when Al is upset or talking to the nurses or doctors all I have to do is hold is hand and rub his fingers and he calms down instantly, every time. Al may not be able to verbalize well in an adult way, but his actions speak very loud.

God was working over-time here at our house. He was answering the hundreds of prayers that were being said last night. I have had over a thousand comments of prayers. So I don’t have to see your face to know you are my friend. I just know and feel it. I don’t care if you live in Australia, or England or Africa or next door, you are my friend to the end.

Friend

What is a friend

A mind with no face

A touch with no hand

A beating heart

Reaching out to me

Thoughts of goodwill

Tears shared

Through the oceans

A step forward

With no imprint

A message

With no bottle

Heart linked to heart

This is who and what

My friends are made of.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10/24/2013

Dedicated to all people on my Facebook and WP pages.

flowing

 

 

Excellence Award


I have been one lucky lady here at WordPress. I have learned so much. I have been uplifted by your posts, encouraged when I am weak. I have been able to share conversations with you.

When I once thought I was walking alone, you have shown me I am not alone at all.

I put together this trinket, this special gift for you. This is my way of saying thank-you for all you do to touch my heart.award

The Excellence Award.  Brilliant, shining, gold in color. I can think of no better way to acknowledge those what have walked beside me through my trials, tribulations and good days.

There are no rules like most awards. I just ask you to take this gift and  think of someone who has touched your life in an excellent way and nominate them.

I would like to nominate for today:

Alastair
kattermonran.wordpress.com/

thehappyhugger
hopethehappyhugger.wordpress.com

mimijk
karmatruck.wordpress.com

utesmile
utesmile.wordpress.com

angelswhisper2011
angelswhisper2011.wordpress.com

jmgoyder
jmgoyder.wordpress.com

sparrow111
tina.kay111@gmail.com

Brenda
friendlyfairytales.wordpress.com

Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate….Ivonne’s Journey
froggirlproductions.com x
ivonnepmontijo@aol.com

tersiaburger
tersiaburger.wordpress.com

AR Neal
starvingactivist.wordpress.com/

babyjill7…Marilyn Griffin
babyjill7.wordpress.com

sakuraandme
depressionexists.wordpress.com

becky6259
becky6259.wordpress.com

granonine
lindasbiblestudy.wordpress.com

peacelovenwhiskers
peacelovenwhiskers.com

Patty B
thoughtsfromanamericanwoman.wordpress.com

cshowers
burningfireshutinmybones.wordpress.com x

lenwilliamscarver
myownheart.me x
grammielen@gmail.com

whisperingleavesblog
whisperingleavesblog.wordpress.com

I HAVE A VOICE
girlwiththepen1118.wordpress.com x

http://mygulitypleasures.wordpress.com

Thank-you so much for always being here. I know there are many I have not added but I plan to post this award again

 

The Timing of God’s Work


I just got home from meeting with Hospice. I was going through my Facebook to see what I may have missed and I stumbled across one of the sites that I frequent. There was a lady who had written a poem for me and I so wanted to share it with anyone who is willing to read it. Here it is:

Each Time
For Terry ShepherdEach time you take a cloth to wipe his face
each time you hold his hand to say grace
each time you feed him bread
each time you change his bed
each time you make him dry
each time a tear escapes from your eye
each time you watch the rise, the fall of his chest
each time you put off your own rest
each time you pray for strength to carry on
each time you sing his favorite song
each time you check his health
each time. . .

you serve the Savior himself.                                                                speak1

It seems perfect timing is what God always does. Nothing too early or too late. I needed to read this poem at this precise moment. Through the visit with Hospice I learned that most likely Al will not be able to rise from bed within a few weeks.

This will in turn cause him to have to drop going to the Day Program. She said that when that point comes he will give up and will himself to die.

I am going to do every single thing in my power, be it medications or any other means I have available to me to make sure he continues to go each and every day until he can no longer take it.

He thrives at Day Program. He is able to have conversations with some one other than his sister. Many times he is in much better humor than here at home. It isn’t that he doesn’t love me. He just needs friendships.

Here at home he is comfortable enough to feel his pains. I can’t keep him occupied enough for him to overlook his illness, although I try.

These weeks and months coming ahead are going to be very trying on my heart and soul. God will never leave me. He will get me through this to the very end. God used Marsha to give me more strength to carry on even through a drab Monday. Thank-you Marsha and thank-you God

Here is Marsha Ault’s link to her Facebook if anyone is interested in getting to know her and her works.

https://www.facebook.com/marsha.ault/about