Daily Prompt; Twilight Zone, ( I Couldn’t Help Crying While Writing This)


http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Ever have an experience that felt surreal, as though you’d been suddenly transported into the twilight zone, where time seemed to warp, perhaps slowing down or speeding up? Tell us all about it. If you haven’t had an experience in real life that you can draw from, write a fictional account of a surreal experience.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us SURREAL.

I have not had a real experience, so this is partially  fabricated for Daily Prompt.

It is a Saturday evening. The day has been quiet. Al has slept 90% of the day. He did eat a small breakfast of baby cereal mixed with applesauce. For lunch he had sweet potatoes and I pureed a banana and some apple juice. He ate most of the main dish but had no room for the dessert.

I cleaned the house and did a little bit of rearranging. I tend to do this when there is no one to speak to. I checked on Al frequently along with repositioning him often. He is trying very hard to speak today, but his voice is but a low whisper.

Supper time came and I went in to offer him a bite to eat, but he refused. I immediately checked his temperature. It was hovering at about 96 degrees. His skin felt cool but not clammy. He looked at me with some prompting and still refused to eat.

This is alright. I don’t want to force him to eat. He will eat when he is hungry. As a last resort a half an hour later I offered him some of his favorite ice-cream, and he refused. Now I knew things were not right.

Al has put me through a few moments the past several days. I find myself wondering if he will be here in the morning, but when I get up, I am able to say a big good morning to eyes that greet me as I walk in.

I made sure he was still comfortable and not cold  and then went and poured myself a cup of coffee. I sat down here to the computer where I had spent a great deal of time tinkering with my sound on my computer.

I had plugged in my headphones a few days ago and ever since then I have not been able to hear sound coming from the speakers. I have tested and rechecked until my eyeballs started spinning.Spinning_eyeball_transparent

I went back in to check on Al again and he was trying to tell me something. I leaned down as close as I could get and I figured out he was telling me, ” I feel sick all over.”

I told him I sure wish I could do something for him and that he didn’t need to eat unless he wanted to. I put Dukes of Hazard on for him and came back out to my cold coffee.

The only lights on in the house were my computer light and Al’s TV. I decided to play a game and was half-way  through the first one when I saw sparks coming from Al’s room. It was like lightning  shooting from everywhere.Animated_Lightning_Strike_by_geans123

The hairs stood up on my arms and my body froze in my seat. I stared at it and somehow I forced myself to get up and walk cautiously to his room.

When I peeked in I saw the most magnificent view I suspect I will ever see in my life.

There were several angels .angels1 They were in mid-air and they were surrounding Al.Al

At the head of the bed stood Jesus. Jesus 3He was lifting Al right out of his bed. He held Al close to him and I looked at my brother and held out my arms to him.

It was as if Al didn’t even see me. His eyes rested upon his heavenly Father. The lights grew bright in his room and the lightening show stopped.

I watched as Jesus lifted him up and over our home. Al was being freed of MSA. The terrible pain that he had been fighting for so many years was now over.

I wept into my hands. Tears of sorrow and tears of happiness that Al was once again going to be smiling. The only thing I ever wished for him was smiles and now as I looked up into the skies, I could see Jesus opening the gates and then the two of them disappeared.

jesus at the gate 2I fell to the floor and praised Jesus for healing the brother I loved so dear. After minutes passed, I stood up and gazed around the room.

Stillness hit me. Silence filled every crack. I walked slowly around his room picking up one car at a time.

Tears rolled down my eyes as I knew there would always be a special bond between Al’s collection of cars and me.

I would treasure them for the rest of my days. I picked up his favorite Coca Cola pieces and cuddled them to my chest. Slowly I walked to the door and before I closed it behind me I turned back one more time and looked up to the heavens. I whispered to my brother, I love you bud. I will always love you. You filled my heart with wonderful memories. You taught me patience and understanding. You gave me wonderful memories. Take good care of him God. Al promised to save me a spot. Watch over him angels, until I find myself standing next to him.

 

And My Eyes…………


cloudsAnd my eyes rose to the heavens

And I saw a whirl in the skies

It opened my eyes

Flung open my heart

Ripped it out of my soul

Laid it out on the ground

And the dark shadows

Came scrambling after me

Ready to crush my belief

And tears rolled from my eyes

As my hands tossed up above

Please save me dear Lord

They are coming for me

And I don’t want to be

I am afraid my sweet God

Lift me from this sod

Pick up my beating heart

Place it where it did start

Lift me up in your arms

Please keep me from harm

And the skies did whirl

And the clouds they did swirl

As my God came to appear

And I felt him so near

I cried on his chest

And he gave me needed rest

And the clouds closed up once more

And God gently shut the door

And all was so right

As I was led into the light

I knew that I could

I knew that I should

Believe in him more

For now and ever more.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

02.04.2014

My Faith in a Stranger


I just saw this photo that Wendy posted to my timeline on Facebook. It was so beautiful, and since this is the main topic with Al most days I thought I would print it off for him.

jesus at the gate 2Every night before lights off Al asks for two things. He doesn’t need to tell me what he wants, I know from many nights. Prayer time and the movie, The Christmas Story.

Although he can no longer speak, I know his request by heart. Ask Jesus to come and take him home.

When I saw this, my heart sunk and my eyes became wet.

How can someone I have never seen affect me to the point of tears? For Al and me, we were brought up in the church. The First Brethren Church in fact. We went every Sunday with our parents.

As we got older Al and I went on Sunday evenings. I became involved with the choir. Al and I partook in different plays. Eventually I took over the Junior Choir as director. Al continued his routine of going every Sunday from way back when.

Sunday evenings he went to church and then came home and read his Bible. I know for a fact that Al has read his Bible completely through at least four times. I got married to a military man and lived in Germany for a year.

The military had church every  Sunday also, but each week  was for a different religion. I remember there were Sundays for Jews, Catholics etc. I got out of the habit of going.

It was almost too easy to drift away. I was married, and living in a new country. I let God be placed on the back burner and lived my life. When things went wrong or I became scared, I would quickly bring Jesus up front and pray like crazy.

Jesus never left me. No matter how much I tried to ignore what I had been taught he always filtered to the front burner. I was the one who left him. When our dad became ill, I found my way back to my upbringing.

I told Jesus I wanted him to be my priority again. I prayed for months and then I learned how to talk to him like he was my best friend. Everything that went right, I thanked him and everything that went bad, I blamed him.

As dad became closer to heaven’s doors, I inched my way into trusting God more than ever. I have never looked back. I rely on him for all that I am and do.

Now that Al is so ill I have fallen. Not fallen away from God, but more like questioned him. I have screamed at him, cried to him, told him how much I love him and have told him I am sorry for my behavior many times over.

Today, as I watch my brother slip closer into Jesus arms I am not scared to see Jesus. I am scared for myself. A sadness creeps over me at the human loss I am about to take on. This is where my strength comes from. This is how I make it day-to-day.

I asked Hospice today when they decide the time is right for them to start staying longer or making more visits. The answer was poor in my eyes. I was told they have to follow the law about driving in bad weather, so they can’t come anymore than they are scheduled. I felt like saying how sorry I was for not planning Al’s illness for warmer months, but I kept quiet.

I hear many times through this terrible winter that the only time we should be out driving  is to go to and from our job. I instantly looked at the nurse and replaced the words friend and hospice to employee, and found it soured me.

Al is my brother, but he is her job. I explained that I didn’t want to be here alone with him dying. I told her I was afraid he would die while it was just him and me. She just looked at me, then said she would try to get a volunteer to come over to sit with me. I thought to myself, how can a volunteer come and she, the nurse, who is getting paid can’t?

I instantly felt embarrassed. I am not an infant. I don’t need a babysitter.  I am not that weak, but I do expect, well I don’t know what I expect, but I expected more from this one limb from the tree for support of Al and me.

Al is in pain and yet he seems comfortable. I can see when I look at him that he is nearing Heaven’s gates very soon. I won’t go into graphics here for the weak stomachs, but I recognize the signs from 23 years of taking care of the elderly and dying.

So when it comes down to it I can cry when I see the photo. I do not know this person as I don’t know many of you personally. I do know that I trust many of you, the same as I trust God.

In the end I can and do feel alone so much of the time. I beg my child at times to come down and see Al. I cry silently that I may get a call from my kids or friends, just wondering how Al is.  I plead with Hospice. I count on my caregivers to be here. But God is here.I am not really alone.  He is standing with Al and keeping him calm. He is beginning the process of opening the gates, and for this I cry.

Tears for losing my brother and tears that he will be happy once again. Al will without a doubt watch over me and wave. He will show me those big, blue eyes and that familiar twinkle will once again shine. The heavens will open up and the skin will be shed away and Al will be free to smile once again.

It’s Getting Closer and More Familiar


Miles away, days away, a few hours away, half an hour away. Yes, only the world outside my block is dangerous. You think? None of us are safe anymore. It is so scary to me. Even at my age I imagine you can play the same game at your age.

I can remember trick-or-treating until dark with my friends, and no checking out the candy bag by mom.

I can remember riding my bike in the dark heading home on a Friday night from Grandma’s.

I can remember craving ice-cream and driving alone into the store way past dark and thinking nothing of it.

I can remember when my middle son came home from school one day there was a bully, who broke his glasses. I called the school and they talked to that kid’s parents. The parents paid for my son’s new glasses and the incident was over and forgotten.

I can remember when I heard of shootings it was in some huge inner city. I had no fear, only carried sadness for those families involved.

I can remember each school morning the first thing after attendance was called, we kids along with the teacher all stood up and stared at the flag stating the Pledge of Allegiance.

I can remember when we went to movies and laughed and ate buttery popcorn, thinking nothing but good thoughts.

I can remember the past few years of movie shootings, school shootings, God being taken out of everything possible, being afraid of the dark, trying hard not to go out after dark, locking my car and house doors, (even when I am home.)

School pregnancies were rare, now they are common.

Rape was a hush word, now it is up to the one who spills their guts to prove their innocence.

Life has surely changed. Now we have to be careful no matter where we work, live and play.

Last night a half an hour down the road a young man went into a Martin’s grocery store and killed two employees. Two ladies who will never see their lives lived out. I shuddered and goose bumps rose on my arms as I thought, this is getting too close to home.

What is it going to take? When is it going to stop?  I fear for my grandchildren. I fear for all babies. Who is going to help them with so many divorced families and two-person work people and no word of God is in the house? Who is going to take the needed time and let these youth know they are loved?

Is it our job as the employee,employer, neighbor, school counselors, ministers, parents, siblings, policemen to help nurture these kids? You bet it is. It is our land, the land we live and play in. We thrive here together. One for all and all for one.

Just a last added tidbit I just heard on the news just now. A priest once again resigns as his secret became public that he has been molesting children.

 

 

Take God out of everything? You decide…………crimeshotgunchildrenjesuslookingdown

360 Turn-a-Bout


Well, it was short-lived. A beautiful, magical 24 hours where Al was at peace with himself and the world. But last night he did a 360. At 8pm he suddenly became confused. He didn’t know what day it was, nor time.

He was concerned whether Stacy, the caregiver would be here this morning. He was and still is restless. He says his hands are creeping and frozen. When he comments this, he is telling me his hands feel like they are moving and yet frozen in place at the same time.

The sleep I dreamed about getting two nights in a row didn’t happen. In fact, I didn’t sleep at all last night as he kept calling me in his room to repeat his fears.

This morning the caregiver came and she gave him a bath. I trimmed his moustache. She and I really doted on him but he just cried and cried. He was fearful of dying today. He has seen shadows in his room for a couple of days.

He hasn’t seen our parents or Jesus for some time. The shadows have replaced them I am thinking. He has me say a prayer for him each evening but this morning he asked me to pray for him. His request was for me to ask God to send Mom here.

I can’t pinpoint what the issue really is. Is he afraid of dying or is he afraid of dying alone. Other wise why would he have me ask God to send Mom here to help him go home. I have said about everything possible I can think of.

I have followed all leads that you have given me. I thought we had this whole thing licked when he was so calm and comfortable those 24 hours. I was just in there and I rubbed his arms. His veins are popped up as if he has been working on huge weights at the gym.

I am so hoping that as I am writing this he has drifted off to sleep as it is quiet through the monitor. He refuses to have any noise in his room and no light on at all. Pure silence is what he is requesting.

I know I am a repeater as of late, but I am coming to you once again to pray for that calm to return. I am asking you to say the same things I ask God for. To ease Al’s fear of dying and to let him go gracefully.

In my wildest nightmares that I have been having lately, I see Al screaming and crying as God is lifting him home. I don’t want this to be a reality. I am strong as you say, but I am no Super Woman.

So please stick with me friends, I am pleading for your help once again.

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