If There is Truly a God and a Satan

Up until last night I was able to find the little things in life that bring me joy. But I have almost given up as the truth is inside this house, there is no joy.

Moaning, screams of pain, rambling on where no words can be understood. Doctors saying nothing else can be done are just more than I can handle any longer.

Al is so angry at God. This is all a new side I have never seen. He says God is ignoring him and for the first time I have to question whether there truly is a God.

With Al being mentally challenged and completely bed bound there are no lessons for him to be learning anymore. Al can not see beyond the pain any longer. I can’t accept the answers that God may be using his illness to teach me something.

In fact that just irritates the crap out of me. I want to scream out loud, Don’t even use my brother to teach me a lesson. For then the guilt I carry within seeing him suffer is way beyond the stability that I try to carry.

If God has a lesson to teach me or if God thinks that by letting Al continue to suffer it will back fire, because all I can feel is anger within at seeing him suffer.

The moments that Al is not asleep is pure hell here. His body is contracted, his body is burning up. His vision is total blur. His body doesn’t tolerate the high doses of medications he is on. There is no balance. If you give him higher dose he abuses himself from the opposite effect the medicine should have.

The doctors are refusing to give him anything else. They don’t know the answers either. And if they don’t know the answers after years of schooling how can anyone expect me to know them.

When Al is awake I can hear Al screaming out, ” Please, please help me. Somebody help me. God why aren’t you taking me home?” These are words that are repeated so many times I can not begin to count them.

I can bring no comfort, no joy to his life. I have begun to feel like Al and I are actually living in hell and if there is a heaven, then surely this will be his reward when he passes. I continue to beg God,” If you truly exist than take him home now. There is no more perfect moment than now.” But, nothing happens. Al is still here and suffers a little more each day.

My body is drained. Doing housework has become a chore. Christmas coming makes me want to vomit. The joy of listening to Christmas music and baking sugar cookies makes me ill.

If Satan has tried every trick he has then he is winning over Al and it is trickling into me also. If there truly is a God and a Satan, which one is winning?



Daily Prompt; Fearful Symmetry

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/01/daily-prompt-symmetry/, Daily Prompt, DP

Pick a letter, any letter. Now, write a story, poem, or post in which every line starts with that letter.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us SYMMETRY.

The letter H

Hell is here today

He is on a kick

He is crying

He is so sick

Help me Lord

Hear my cry

Help raise his spirits

He wants to know why

He thinks he is being punished

He doesn’t understand

He thinks he is the only one

Having issues in all the land

He was on a roll

He thinks he’s being sued

He saw clothes mailed to him

Help me what do I do

Hell here today

He is so confused

How did suing someone

Hover from clothing that is used.

Help my nerves

Help his tears

Help his body

Help take a way his fears.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd



I Lost A Friend

Heart of Jesus

I was so distraught today when I received an email notification from a friend that I used to speak to several times a day here at WP. It was her husband informing me that Sara had taken her life.

My heart broke in to many shattered pieces. I could hear them breaking into tiny puzzles as they hit the floor. My heart went out to the husband as I was reading this short to the point post.

Why? Why did this happen? Although, I am the last one to understand what was actually going on inside her head, I hoped with all my might, that I may at least bring some comfort to her at the point in time of her need.

What allows us to believe that our life is so worthless that the only choice we see in front of us is suicide? What right do we have in the eyes of God to take our own life? I am speaking as a Christian woman here. Some of you may agree and others may not. This is alright. It will not destroy in any way the feelings I carry about you my friend.

I, myself have been so sad for the past few months. There is a light layer of my soul that can understand a person believing there is no way out. Sara blogged and clung to us bloggers just as I do. None of us are guaranteed an easy life. The road we walk until death comes to take us is filled with rocks to climb over and plenty of dips to sink in.

The dips that we fall into are when I try even harder to look towards Jesus Christ. He is the only way to keep from drowning into the pit of death. I believe God wants us to lean heavily on him. He reaches both arms out and we are to take a hold of each one and let him lift us up.

Some of us in this world do not believe in God. Others question if there is even a God out there. I have found over and over that when the dip we fall into is too deep, God reaches his hands farther down and with one request of help me Lord, he will save us.

It breaks my heart for Sara. She and I spoke often about God. She wasn’t sure. She questioned his existence. But, the important thing was she was thinking about it. She was reading the verses. She was searching the word. I don’t know where her mind was at the time she took her life, but I hope that she now has peace and is in God’s hands.

I love you Sara, and I will miss you greatly.

Torn Heart


Several nights staying awake too late

Worrying and stressing about your fate

Going back in time to who you used to be

And now seeing this brings tears to me

Decisions we’ve made impact our now

Trying to move forth but do not see how

Wishing and hoping you see the way

Is what I now pray for every day

I hate to see the tough skin you wear

Your feelings are hidden and you do not bare

I remember the softness you once wore so well

Has been replaced by an ugly and now  hardened shell

To pretend that others do not exist or walk

Brings harsh words and roughness to your talk

To ignore what is right and do what is wrong

Can only bring sadness intertwined within your song

I pray that you seek the values instilled by me

I ask God to heal your heart and let the anger be

Oh please find a way and try to heal your soul

I wish only good things and this you know

Now I have to stand back and wait

Too see if my prayers are really too late

I will wait on God and watch his plan

To help you see you need his hand.

Terry Shepherd



Picture It And Write It Exercise, June 24, 2012

The thunder could be heard around the world. Lightening reached down and touched the soil, sparking the dead. The sun had raced behind the clouds and was not going to shine until ordered to do so.

People were running in all directions. Tripping over each other. Dead were being trampled  on as if they were pieces of broken rocks. Children could be heard screaming. There was one woman who fell, taking her child with her, and once standing back on her feet, she left the child behind.

Some people were unclothed, as when hearing  the noise, had  jumped straight from the bed to the door. Others had a bundle of personal belongings under their arm, as they raced by. Others were found to be sitting on the grounds, smiling and at peace, as if they had been expecting and waiting for this day.

Some could be seen kneeling on the ground, crying and begging for help, looking to the skies. Even the sick were seen dragging their weak bodies, clinging to their walking sticks, so not to stumble. Aged in wheelchairs, seen crying, praising God for rescuing them from their pain and miseries.

Birds could be seen, circling the skies, the chatter deafening to the ear. Dogs, cats, rabbits, were racing to no where. There was fear among the world, following each other, going to unspecified areas, running to hide from the strange ways.

The skies became darker, and it was as if day had become night. Rain began to fall. There was no gentleness in the drops. It came with a vengeance, and as it fell, it stung, like hail, as it touched the living. Piercing its anger, forcing them into memory, of the warnings they had ignored.

The trumpets came out of all four corners of the world. Men on black, brown and white stallions, sounding the announcement of the unexpected visitor. A wild look could be seen in the animals eyes, and steam came pouring from their nostrils, bucking their riders into the air, but  never faltering, continuing to play as instructed.

Soon, the land was still, leaving some for the eye to see, while others were in hiding for no one to find. All signs of animal life had disappeared. The earth became quiet. The rains became still, and the angry thunder left as quickly  as it had come.

The gray skies grew instantly bright. A brightness that had never been cast. The chill from the rains was transformed into heat. A warmth that had never been felt. The waters opened welcoming him and some eyes whether wanting to or not, were turned to view the magnificent, white clothed form, with a brilliant gold crown sitting a top of his head come down from the skies and stood be for them.

Another visitor came from the deep grounds, rising above, riding a black beast, racing to the mountains and caves.

One by one, the chosen were lifted into his arms. Tears were wiped dry, all pains disappeared. Love was breathed into their souls, by a touch of his hand, and they were then lifted into the heavens, where loved ones were reaching out to them to welcome them home.

Others, less fortunate, the ones who chose not to believe, were being stung by the crack of the whip,and as the whip cracked, it picked each one up and they were tossed into the seas, to never be seen again.

This was done swiftly with no thinking, as if all had been planned years before, and in only moments, the earth became barren once again, and a quietness came over the land.


Thank- you for the chance to participate in your writing exercise: