Tender Memories


Tenderness in

My heart

Open wounds

Never healed


Leave me vulnerable

For falling tears

And memories

Come flooding back

Of the days that

Once were happy

And full of laughter

Now to be stored

Deep in my soul

Until we meet

Once again

There can be

No other


Earns the title

Of being there

For me the way

You were

I will never

Forget you

And will cherish

You always

Terry Shepherd



When Are We Not Responsible?

Diseased Door

Diseased Door

I was told of a story recently and even after a few days of digesting it I am still bothered. Have you or I ever had life go entirely as we want and it to? Have either of us ever had things pop up that are hard to handle or even more can’t fix? I know I have.

As kids we are born innocent in this world. We are nurtured  as well as our parents know how. We become adults and have children of our own. The cycle of life repeats itself until you are filled with great-grandparents down to great-grandchildren.

What if a bump comes in the road and we don’t see it? We fall in and can’t get back out without help. Do we as family and friends turn our backs on that person? Or do we try to help them climb back out?

I am not talking about Al today. I am talking about an adult who had a great life. Makes mistakes as we all do but then is hit with an unexpected medical problem. Not all medical problems are cut and dry like the flu or maybe tonsillitis.

Some illnesses that stop by to take over are heart attacks and strokes or maybe even cancer. These types of illnesses can do more damage than the naked eye can see. It can change moods, brain waves, vision, hearing, muscle tone, weakness, and pain within the body.

So many changes that the ill person can  no longer control. What do we do now? How long do we stay around and help? Don’t we have a life of our own to live? Didn’t we go visit and pay our respects long enough?

These are questions that have been asked by some as people realize that family members are going to be stuck with these side-effects for months or maybe years to come.

When is my duty over? When can I go on with my own life? Just because an illness or stroke has taken over should we now leave them behind to suffer through until death comes knocking at their door?

I hope that my own answer is always no, never give up. Keep showing your love and keep being an inspiration to the one suffering. I heard of a human being that has suffered in this way. The illness is never going to be better. The strength is never going to be gained back.

Sometimes when we are sitting on the other side of the fence able to walk and run and play we can’t put ourselves in the shoes of the wheelchair patient. It is hard to imagine us ever being stuck in place.

But it happens, and this is sad. There are no guarantees in life for sure. This man’s family has been there but maybe could have squeezed in more time. Patience has run out, and the younger generations are tired and restless and ready to move on.

I completely understand this but what about the fact that they are relation? Does this not matter that only years earlier this patient was there for you in his good times? Is it alright to wipe him from your mind so that you can have a better time in life?

Are we entitled to move on and say the hell with him or her. I did my best. I spent time. I tried. Now this person is in danger of being left on his own, while others chase opportunities.

Oh I am not sure why I even bothered writing this. I can’t seem to get out the exact thoughts I want to be seen. All I know is that it is hurting me inside to realize that big changes are coming possibly, and the one that is going to be hurt is the patient. While the road seems greener on the other side of the fence, I still believe that blood is thicker than water. I would not rest well at nights until I knew that this human being was resting too, somewhere safe, somewhere out of danger.

I Promise You I Do Swear

one fish, two fish, red fish ...

I know you promise all your strength


But tonight I am so tired


I look out my window and see the empty trees


And try to calm my body so wired.


I know that you my Lord have suffered


Ten thousand more times than me


But I feel weak and oh so tired


Can you see me Lord on bended knee?


I really try to do all that I can


To be a rock for him


To show him how much I really care


But to them I am no longer their fan.


They run and hide when I walk in side


I know they fear my face


But who will stand up for my brother


Who in this human race?


I put the world on hold for now


As I target in on your care


I will do what needs to be done for you


I promise you I do swear.


The guidelines do not match your case


You are in a league of your own


Why are my eyes the only to see


I will call in the troops that I now know…….


I promise you, I do swear.


Love you brother.


Terry Shepherd





This Is My Hope

Circle in the Sand

If we pretend to be

Something for your eyes to see

But then when we are all alone

We know we are not cloned

We must not hide our thoughts

Nor pretend we forgot

What truly fits our name

We must not play the game

Don’t ever be afraid

To show what God made

My thoughts are mine

And yours are divine

We are allowed to stand up tall

Never leaning into the wall

Stepping out in faith

Walking through human race

With joy in our heart

But never apart

We remain as common ground

We circle and come around

Giving hope to others

Grieving with our brothers

Treating them as we

Hope to be treated by thee

Put forth the work

Don’t be a jerk

Don’t be unkind

Let peace be in our mind

This is my hope I am proud to say

That we come together in this small way.

Terry Shepherd


Daily Prompt/ Happily Ever After/ The Daily Post


“And they lived happily ever after.” Think about this line for a few minutes. Are you living happily ever after? If not, what will it take for you to get there?

This is so opposite of my feelings today, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I have been in hay stacks. Every once in a while if you look close you can see my head pop up for fresh air.

This prompt today is not going to bring anything but the plain ugly truth about life. I gave up fairy tales and princess and princes years ago as I walked a way from my divorce. Now I choose to cling to God and friendships like there is no tomorrow.

I don’t carry much faith in the human race on the surface. I do trust my friends let me affirm this.

I am not living happily ever after because I don’t think it is a reality part of life. To live this way would entail all humans to think of others before themselves first most. It would require God to be in every heart. We would see the good and understand the bad in each other.

The judging of character would vanish into thin air. Our nation would be considered as one, united together to bring peace among those who walk this earth.

I don’t know what actually goes on inside your home. I only know what I read on here. If I am extremely bored, I will flip on the television and watch the wildly entertaining news. Anchormen who are geared to show us the worst of the world.

On the news channel I watch there is a tiny segment that is saved for one, just one good thing that happened some where in the world. It is so sad that what sells is tragedy, gossip, money, sex, and vulgar language.

In my own home I work very hard with the help of God and all of you to remain as up-beat as possible about life. It doesn’t take much to burst those balloons flying over my head  by callous remarks.

I won’t take you through the back door and let you see the ugly things I am dealing with at this time. But, I can give you one example. Let me reach my hands into the hay stack and pull out the first thing my fingers touch.

Ah yes, here is a good one. Maybe just a perfect way of letting you understand the greed in the world today. You may know immediately how you would react to next paragraphs. Or, you may need to ponder on it for a few minutes. Here is one of my issues.

A couple of years back I wanted to be as prepared for anything that I could as far as my brother is concerned. You know the saying, get er done. I contacted a funeral home and discussed funeral arrangements for Al. Together the owner and I set up a prepaid expense funeral. I knew the dollar amount per month and all of the fine details.

She in turn took the information and sent it to an insurance company and in a couple of weeks I received the policy in the mail. What do you do with these? The same thing I did. File it in the safe, hopefully to not have to look at it for years to come.

Without realizing it at the time it would come up in conversation later on, but not because Al passed away, but because it is technically considered a life insurance policy now. Al is on Medicaid and things have now changed and not for the good.

The policy is as far as I know not going to be considered an allowable expense, since the title says Life Insurance Policy. I won’t go into the details but I know  in my heart that this is for a prepaid funeral.

The kicker of this whole thing is I was told from Al’s facility that I should just sneak into his room and sell his coke items if I wanted his funeral paid, because they were taking even more money now from him since the payments are going to be considered null and void.

How would you react if they were talking about your brother, or mother or father? My heart has been broken so badly I don’t even know if super glue could hold it together. I am on the ruby-throated-hummingbird-m450.jpgphone and in meetings opening every door possible for Al.

I need to do what others are not. I am looking at Al as my brother, a human life, God’s child. He deserves dignity and respect no matter what illness or disability he has. What I am working on now is hopefully the best shot Al will ever have on this earth, but it takes time, as all government issues do.

I am not depressed but I am very sad. I am a fighter and I will give it all I have to give Al the very best of happily ever after there is. I know that we are down to very little choices, but as each door is forced opened, I gain more hope.

This is just a bit of what is going on in my part of the world. I carry faith and hope but I refuse to have my balloon stuck with one more needle. Landing on the cold ground does not feel good. I will continue to live in the reality and dream about the happily ever after.

Picture It And Write, Sept. 24/2012

He was evil and she was even more evil. Together they would conquer the world, and the two would rule over everything that was bad.

They had been cloned years ago, the two of them. The thoughts were to create spies to enter the world. The had with them the equipment of hidden cameras, lasers, and built-in radars. But on the day they were made, electrical  equipment had been malfunctioning, but in the passion to mold their ingenious ideas, humans had went against better judgement, and had created monsters, from a bad spark.

When the lever of the robotic  was turned down, placing the thinking probe into their chest, a spark had traveled from the machine, entering in to the cavity, and smoke rose from with in the room, but the creatures were made, and anyone that was in the room at this point, went to their graves with the deep dark secret.

Now years later, hate was more visible than ever in the world. Greed became an obsession, wanting more than was deserved, taking without conscience, ripping hearts out of humans, and leaving them for dead. Souls were being tossed away like pieces of garbage. Sex was used for pleasure only, and  love was escaping the planet.

Scientists had been working on trying to figure out how to repair the damages, but there was little help, and not much clues to go on. Every step that was made towards repairing these two vultures, was taken back two steps as their ideas failed one after another.

One day a college student entered the scientific room, and he had been pronounced such a genius, that once word had seeped out in the department, they were very eager to put him to the test of showing his intelligence.

Week after week, studies were done, tests were made. The new graduate would take home with him each night, notes he had written, drafts that had been scribbled on, and he would study them for hours.

After many weeks  had gone by, the studying had paid off, and he went into work during the dark hours of the morning. He compared his new sketches to the equipment in front of him, and discovered, one small wire lay unattached to anything. There was no life in it, it was dead.

He grinned from ear to ear, as he carefully reattached the wire, and slowly turned on the current to the robotic. No smoke, no burning smells, he had done it. He had found the problem and had fixed it.

He immediately got on the phone to one of the supervisors, waking him up from a dead sleep and explained hurriedly what he had been able to do. The supervisor told him to hold on, don’t move, that he would be right there!

In no time at all the two were engrossed in the robotic arm. Testings once again were done repeatedly, and the two were satisfied that all had been fixed. The two of them sat down and went over and over in conversation, about how this had happened. Something so simple, something so over looked.

Daylight was streaming through the windows, and they both decided to run a couple of doors down to the little cafe and grab some breakfast and coffee. By the time they were finished, workers would be entering the doors.

When everyone had arrived to work, the new scientist was given the floor and explained how everything was working properly, and he told of how it was so simple and yet so commonly placed aside.

Everyone came to him and patted him on the back, yelling congratulations. Bottles were being popped open and drinks were on the house, some were even  poured over heads, there was so much giddiness in the room.

The next goal was to capture the two droids and place them in white jacket-type braces. They had to find them. One of the men claimed that when ever he went to the park with his dog, he would find them hiding among bushes and in shadows, so a few of the men grabbed their jackets and took off to look for them.

By now, the whole building had been let in on the celebration, and several closed lap tops and turned conversations off and before long a posse was on the hunt. It didn’t take long to find them, as they were in the park, and they had managed to grab a hold of a human and were getting ready to terrorize and kill. One man had brought with him a drug, that would paralyze the shells and with each man putting all of his weight to hold the machines down, they poured the drug into each mouth.

Within seconds, the shells were still,paralyzed temporarily,  and were then taken back to the lab, and placed in the jackets. When the signal was given, the robotic arm came down and the repairs were made.
Eyes were opening and movement was stirring. The work had been performed and the final products were now standing in line together, waiting for their commands.

The new scientist was already thinking ahead, his head whirling in thought on how to get the world to go back to the way it was. Balanced, less greed, and more love for one another, but he could think of nothing. Nothing could ever undo what the tiny misplaced wire had accomplished.



The Path I Followed

I am  having a bored moment. Can you believe it? I am actually waiting for a while longer and then taking Al to the doctor.

I was surfing my Facebook, and came across this saying someone had posted. I stopped and stared at it, and then reread it a couple of times.

I got excited at the prospect that I, me, only me, can make anything happen if I, me, and only me, believe!

This gave me a few moments to reflect back on my life and go over my to do and wish list.

When I was in high school, I had a dream and a plan. I was going to go to college for four years right after graduation and become a physical therapist.

Then I changed it later, and decided that I wanted to be a therapist for troubled teens.

Instead of doing these, I chose the other route, and got married and started a family. Now many years later, after raising my family, the best I knew how, I realize that I have believed in me. I have followed my dream. I am helping others.

I have been a CNA and a Pharmacy Technician, playing both roles for the past 22 years. I have worked with many types of patients, making them comfortable, and I have also helped patients feel better by getting their medications ready for them.

For five years after this, I did private care. I took care of some lovely people, some husband and wife couples, others whose families worked, and needed their loved ones cared for. I was their therapist in some ways. I was a good listener, and I spent quality time with them. I also had my name put on the hospice list in our town, and got a few calls to help care for one who was at their end of life. This was the most challenging and rewarding job I have ever had. It brought me to a different level of humanity. It drew me into the personal lives of their families. It helped me to understand and see first hand how a body prepares for leaving this earth. It is very emotional and your love flows from within straight to their souls.

After leaving hospice, I took care of my own father, who suffered from bone cancer for one year. I was not only his therapist, I was his right hand lady. I did everything for him, except take away his illness. As I laid beside him on his bed, holding his hand, telling him how much I loved him and how much I was going to miss him, I had to add also, that I knew and understood why he had to leave me. I told him he would be brand new with no more pains, and to give mom a hug and kiss for me. He died holding my hand a few moments later.

After that chapter of my life was over, I immediately started caring for Al. I have now been caring for him five years this December. For him I have also been his therapist, listening to all he says. I am also his teacher, guiding him hopefully in the right direction. I am his nurse, placing a bandage over his heart. drying his tears with my words, and offering him comfort from the Bible. I use examples of others to help him remain strong. I give all that I am able to give.

He may be mentally challenged, and he may not understand all that is being said to him. He may have moments of dementia, but that only happens in the present world, the past world is very keen to him. Mental challenge is not what people think. It varies in different degrees of it. When someone is mentally impaired, there is usually an area where they are even smarter than I am. God did something special when he created these people. He made them so that they touch our hearts, in ways no others can.

So today, as I look back, I may not have received that four-year college degree. I may not have that

US Navy 060822-N-2832L-128 Navy Lt. Rachel Ode...

US Navy 060822-N-2832L-128 Navy Lt. Rachel Oden, of Casa Grande, Ariz., a physical therapist plays with a young girl during her first day of physical therapy for her neuromuscular control deficits (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

certificate hanging on a wall in an office somewhere, but I have more than this. I have years of experience with the human life, learning to love what we do not call normal. I have learned to be a good listener, and to only offer advice when asked.

I have been given the desire to be a helper. This is who God has made. Me, a human being, capable of loving, feeling, being able to touch others lives, capable of being hurt.

I am happy that even though I didn’t realize it  until this very moment, I have followed God’s path for me, and no matter what others think of my crazy thoughts and ways, I know God is proud of me.