Ideas Anyone?

I loved it that Al was chatty today, but I hate what is happening inside. We are becoming quite constricted on what Al can eat anymore. Solid foods are out. puree and mashed is in. Red sauces are out, causing him heartburn because he barely eats. Creamy foods, puddings and ice-cream and milk make his mucus worse, thus he chokes and coughs.

All I seem to be able to feed him is mashed potatoes. Tonight he ate about five bites of macaroni and cheese. He was able to eat it, but it was a bit of a struggle for him. He is so thirsty the past three days. He just can’t seem to get enough fluids.

I was explained to that at this time of his life thirst is a big issue. I am not sure why. If any of you know let me know please.

His arms are contracted so that they always look like he is praying. I keep putting them to the side of his body but they just creep back to the center of his trunk.

He didn’t do bad today. I didn’t hear much complaining. Mainly heartburn and his heels hurting. His heels are constantly on pillows but he is complaining of foot pain. I also was told that at this stage of a person’s life, with his oxygen level being now 74, that he will feel a tingle in his feet from lack of circulation.

What else will happen before he is out of pain? I don’t know, but I am hoping that some of you thinkers out there can help me with a more appealing menu for him. I will be going to the grocery store tomorrow or Sunday.

Thanks ahead of time. I know some of you will give me some great ideas.mashed-potatoes-520

Let’s Go Get Happy

How many of you are truly happy? Don’t really have any issues going on? Everything in your life is going as planned? I was watching this TV show tonight and the man who was in love with one woman  was going to marry the another  woman.

Yes, you get the idea. I was watching a pre-taped soap opera. I know, but give me a break. I have been watching this same show since I was in the 7th grade. It’s kind of hard to give up habits that make me drool and dream about what I wish was going on in my life.

Oh no, I didn’t mean I want to be involved with someone who doesn’t love me. I am talking about the fairy tale dream that I will live happily ever after with that hunk of a man who makes me melt when I see him enter the room.

When the hunk on the soap didn’t marry his love his daughter from another relationship made the comment that sort of hit home with me. His daughter said, ” Let’s go get ice-cream.” The dad replied back, ” Yes, let’s go, let’s go get happy.”

Is that all it takes to get  happy? Just one frivolous thought, a simple gesture like getting ice-cream? Of course, I could replace ice-cream with any word I want, but is it truly just a mind-set. A turn of the mind and everything is on its way to healing?

If this is true, then why don’t I toss my values out the window and go have some fun. Like getting in my car and going to get ice-cream.

ice cream wallpaper


Another Old Day

Please forgive me for continuing on the same topic day after day. I try adding some variety by writing poetry because I know I am digging the bucket deeper in the sand speaking about Al so much, but it just seems I can’t help it.

This morning I got him up and he had that stare face again. He didn’t motion to try to get up. No body parts moved. I immediately asked him if he was alright and would he like to stay home.

He must have feared staying home because he tried real hard to move but nothing went. It was like someone poured cement over him through the night. I pulled him to the sit position and changed his brief and out to the table we went.

I sang a silly made-up song maybe partially to deter my own sorry mind, but also to try to get a response out of his masked face.mask

Once he was seated at the table the first words out of his mouth were, ” I don’t want any breakfast.”

” Oh bud can’t you find it in yourself to eat something small so you can take your medications on a full stomach?”

He ignored me. I started rambling off a list of things he had choices of for breakfast.breakfast_menu_06 Eggs, french toast, waffles, sausages, fried bologna sandwich, toast, pancakes. Nothing seemed to interest him. Then I had to dig deep, and be creative. I looked to the forbidden sweets list. I named cookies, pound cake, ice-cream, donuts and cherry turnover.

Bingo, he stirred on Cherry Turnovers. I had been to the grocer yesterday and these were on sale so I picked them up for his sweet tooth. I thought, this isn’t good starting off with sweets, but what the hell. If he is wiling to eat it, then so be it.cherry turnover

He ate all of this and a small glass of milk.

I got him cleaned up and dressed.

The weather changed so quickly he had to wear a jacket this morning. I placed him in front of the television so he could bitch about the news. I cleaned up the kitchen and packed his lunch and put his car in his bag for his show and tell and when I put it on the back of his wheelchair, he was sound asleep.

I know there are no real answers about Al’s illness but I have a gut instinct. People say we should listen to our own gut feelings. If I do this now, I would have to say Al doesn’t have much time left. Therefore I will focus my energy trying to dote on him, making him as comfy as possible and I will continue to pray for peace and comfort as we ride this ride into heaven.amber-waves

Are You Drooling?

I sneak upon you

When I know you are weak

I play on your emotions

In hope you will seek

I know you think about me

Every single  night

I know you want me

So please don’t fight

In your vision  is when I come to you

You look at me with wet delight

But then you turn your head  a way

You want me my dear, you know I’m right

I offer you plenty, all you want

I give to you all my cream

You use your finger and take a lick

It is better than any dream

I think I have won, I think I can stay

You rub my rim with gentle hands

You lift me up and caress your lips

Go slow and savor the taste is cream

Written by,

Terry Shepherd


Poor Al

I am only writing because the day has not been good so far. I have kept in touch with Hospice so much today.

Al has had terrible sweats, so bad I have had to do complete bed changes three times already. Hospice also upped his increase of water pills because his swelling has gone from the ankles to leaving pit marks half-way up to his knee. He wets so heavily now that I am keeping him only in his brief for today.

He didn’t want to get up for lunch but I encouraged him anyways. He refused lunch so I offered him an Ensure with ice-cream in it. He couldn’t drink it so I helped him so he could get it down.

He wanted to go back to bed. With all of the pain medications today he is finally sleeping. I hope when he wakes up he is feeling a bit