Where Is My Strength


English: A countertop dishwasher

I am usually so strong, so I can hardly believe I feel so weak and tired. It is only 7:30pm, and I have hours to go before I can go to bed, since Al stays awake so long from his tremors. I sometimes think that it is also partly a habit by now, that his eyes do not want to close until 3:30am. So I will be safe and say it is a mixture of the two.

It was a busy, busy day. No, I didn’t have to clean in the house. I did find the minutes to do a load of Al’s laundry since we changed beds out this morning, and I have just now folded them.

Thanks to so many prayers, my head no longer hurts, and my shoulders do not feel too much pain, but my eyes are so droopy. Is this due to stress or the day of visitors, or maybe just both.

I want to apologize for not responding to too many blog comments or read too many today. Every time I sit down to the PC, my eyes get weary and fuzzy from lack of sleep.

I read two blogs that spoke of me and Al, so I reblogged them so you could read them also. The one was the visit from the blogger friend, who came here to meet Al and me  yesterday, and the other is a very nice man who talked about me being so strong.

Guilt sort of came over me after reading his remarks, as today, I don’t feel the strength at all. I feel like I have worked in the fields of a slave owner. I am going to lay down on the couch out here where Al is also lying on the opposite end of the wrap-a-round, and I hope Al forgives me, because I know I will be out. I should not do that, but I am hoping, that since I am a light sleeper, I will hear him moving, or trying to get up.

Everyone showed up today, the nurse, occupational therapist, physical therapist, and the bed company, along with a nice surprise of my granddaughter and daughter-in-law. I tried very hard to turn my head when I had to yawn. LOL

I had made a batch of potato soup today during the breaks of visitors. I had made a white sauce and had cubed potatoes, bacon, fresh sliced carrots and many spices. It was waiting for us for supper. Al said he wasn’t very hungry, and I begged him to eat a little, which he finally did.

I hate to see him lose weight, as he has already lost 53 pounds, so I told him a big thank-you for eating a small bowl of it. I feel so bad for him. He has asked many questions today, which I expected. He was told to put his canes into retirement, and another walker was sent out, so now he has two. One for bare floors and one for carpets. This is really confusing to him, but I just kept saying all day, everyone cares about you so much, we all just want to make sure we do our best to not let you fall. I think I must have said it at least 20 times.

When supper was over, I cleaned up the mess, and placed the left-overs in the refrigerator, and pushed the magic button on the dish washer. Thank-you Ms dishwasher, for not making me stand here tonight.

The tears are fifty per cent gone now and the house is quiet except for the dishwasher and Jeopardy, so I am getting off of here. I am so sorry to all, but I can not stay awake any longer.

I Am In Heaven!


English: Two children enjoying a bubble bath

I don’t know what happened today while the shower lady was here, but I think I will not question it, nor will I make any unexpected noises in the house. I feel like I am back in my first apartment, when I left my ex. The little box I lived in was all mine, peace rang through out the walls. I lived it and loved it, and only gave it up once I started caring for Al.

Tonight, Al ate fairly well with no gagging or choking and he finished all of his supper. He told me after he was finished, that he was going to his bedroom to read his bible instead of staying out here with me and watching his two favorite shows, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. I was a little shocked but said nothing. I cleaned up the kitchen and came over to my best friend here in the house, my computer. This is where I reach out to all of my good friends I have made through out the years.

Well time ticked by and still no Al. I got a tiny bit concerned and so decided to quietly tip toe in his room and make sure all was well, and it was, and I was greeted with a small smile. He has continued to stay in his room the whole evening. Of course, now that I have written this, he will be out here any moment. This is just the way life works, like saying your car is such a good running car, and then when you get in it tomorrow to go to work, the starter has gone out!

Well, after I realized he was not coming out, I quickly changed the television to the music station, and landed on the jazz from the forties, fifties, and sixties. How relaxing is this? Pretty darn relaxing! Cheek to Cheek by Mark Murphy is now playing. I had forgotten how much I love a good song. I am not being forced to watch American Pickers or Storage Wars. I am not saying I don’t enjoy them, but come on, the whole night long?

Then the creative juices started flowing inside of my tired brain. I peeked in on him once again, and still got the smile, so I sneaked into my bathroom and shut my door and lit my candles and ran myself a nice warm bath.

I love my bathroom, since I have fixed it up with oldies and Victorian items. Light the candles, and lie in a bubble bath, with only the glow of the candles bouncing their reflections of the walls and my bubbles.

I was in heaven, let me tell you. I have had the stiffest neck and shoulders for the last 24 hours, and although the pain is not entirely gone, most of it is. I took my time, soaking, then got out and dried off. I brushed my hair 100 strokes, until most of it fell out from old age. LOL. I got dressed in my pretty nightie and went into my bedroom and began to trim and file my toenails. Wow, I once again thought,  I am in heaven!!!!!

I am so thankful for what ever happened to give me these two quiet hours. God if this was you’re doing, I praise your name over and over on bended knee. If this had to do with our new shower girl, I whisper to you , a big thank you. One more thing, could who ever made this happen possibly make it happen again one day next week?????

Brains, Brains, I Want More Brains!


English: A photograph of Froot Loops breakfast...

English: A photograph of Froot Loops breakfast cereal in a bowl with milk (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I wish I would have become a brain surgeon, yes a brain surgeon! I would understand how the brain works much better than I do now. If I didn’t get it or understand it, I could go in and make changes. LOL. I am just here to blog tonight, only because I am amazed at how the brain works!

I blogged earlier today, asking for help for my brother and me. Without going further with the same blog from today, I want to comment on how amazed I always am at Al’s brain.

I stated earlier on how I often wonder if he understands and comprehends what I am saying to him as we talk about God and Satan. Sometimes as I leave his bedroom, I am the one more confused.

Tonight, he is in a good mood. The tears dried up from last night and this morning, and he is back to laughing at the animal commercials and people on the television. He is watching Jeopardy now. I am minding my own business, but I can hear him right behind me.

To me this game is beyond me. It is smarter than I am and I do not like knowing that I am dumber than I thought! LOL. On the other hand, Al, loves this show and in most days, he looks forward to it. I am amazed. The tough questions are being asked and the players sometimes know them and sometimes draw a blank, and in the background I hear Al peeling off the answers quite often, and hearing from Alex, yes, you are correct. Al will sit here and laugh, telling the television, you thought you had me on that didn’t you Alex, you can’t fool me, I knew the answer! How can this be?

Did we not eat the same breakfast cereals each morning? Did mom put something extra in his vitamins that I didn’t get? You know, he is smarter than I am. His memory, although he has dementia, is much better than mine, and yet I can not seem to get across to him about Satan being mean and God being good.

It just amazes me, the brain and how it works. The cells making all the right connections to the right areas, and although a big seizure has destroyed many of his cells, he is still so smart. Doctors have determined years ago that he is mentally challenged. Mental challenge does not affect the whole brain, just parts of it. I have worked with mentally challenged people before and I have always noticed that there are areas that they shine brighter in than others.

I hate labels. Genius, mentally challenged, disabled, weird, different, odd. The only way my brain can define this, is we all have stronger areas in our brains that seem to outshine more than other areas.To me, the only correct label here is unique. We are all human beings with brains, but each of us unique.

Well, like I said, I wish I was a brain surgeon, because I would be able to change things in my own head. I would make the change that would allow me to understand more of what is being said. I would be able to completely “get it” when Al starts in on his negativity. I would know the reasoning behind it, and with a quick thought, I would fix it.

Remember the old- time scary movie, Brains? This is how I am feeling now. Brains, brains, I want more brains! LOL