For Me It Wasn’t There


I hated it. I hated the feelings that I was carrying inside. Sitting there at the big table with casual friends sitting with me. Listening to the chatter of every day talk. Watching kids out on the floor, dancing, making dance moves that only kids can do. Couples holding tightly, placing hands where only lovers do. Music loudly coming from the juke box. Disco lights casting fluttering butterflies on the walls. In the back of the room, people playing pool, and at the bar sat lonely people staring at their beer, women, waiting for a hello. Why did I let them talk me into coming here? I knew I didn’t belong. I kept hearing a voice in my head, as I go back and hear my friends telling me, you won’t get a man, if you don’t get out. Come on, get back in the swing of things. I suppose you call it jealousy. Maybe I am, but I am a christian, and i don’t feel comfortable being here. I don’t drink nor get silly. I heard someone tell me then you are never going to get a man by sitting here. Get up and go mingle. Mingle? With who? Here? I looked down at my diet coke, and knew in that moment that this wasn’t for me. I smiled using my most gracious smile, stood up, excused myself, and left. God would not easily open new doors for me tonight. I wanted more. I went home. A feeling of peace embalming me.