I saw these things on my Facebook, so had to share with you.
I almost peed my pants reading this. !!!!
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
salesmanship.
I saw these things on my Facebook, so had to share with you.
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. “I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30” she said
proudly. “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit
and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good”, said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next.”I sold magazines” she said, “I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”
“Very good, Debbie”,said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of
cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467”, he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes”, said Little Johnny.
“Toothbrushes”, echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes to make so much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town”, said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip
& Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”
“They all said the same thing, ‘Hey, this tastes like dog poop’!”
“Then I would say, ‘It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?’ I used the
President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks
good, telling you it’s free and then making you pay to get the bad taste
out of your mouth.”
Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment.
Best Presidential Joke of the Year
President Obama walked into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approached the cashier he said, “Good morning Ma’am, could you please cash this check for me?”
Cashier:
“It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?”
Obama:
“Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA!!!!”
Cashier:
“Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd /Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID.
Obama:
“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
Cashier:
“I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
Obama:
“I order you to cash this check!”
Cashier:
“Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?”
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, “Honestly, I can’t think of a single thing. I don’t have a clue what to do.
Cashier:
“Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
Subject: Fw: Honesty and where it will get you” this will make you smile<<
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She said I wasn’t funny, she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where I am now…
God Is Good, This I Know
Several years ago on a cold winter day I had one husband, one daughter, age five, and a baby boy…
Several years ago on a cold winter day I had one husband, one daughter, age five, and a baby boy under one year old. The warnings had been placed and yet I didn’t really understand what the word blizzard meant.
All I could think of at that time is we had food, we had a roof over our head. We had water and heat, and my husband may be home for a day or two from work. Now, let’s all play house and forget the outside world.
Slowly I got first-hand of what a blizzard was. It meant no going outside. No hopping in the car and running to the store. Trapped, yes that is a good word. Trapped inside with a baby with very few diapers remaining, but a family I loved.
The snow fell and fell.
. The blowing snow and drifting locked us inside our house as the door wouldn’t budge to that outside world.
I started getting nervous when the baby ran too low on diapers. Today, being much older and wiser, I would have known I don’t have to use those Pampers. I could have substituted with different things I had at home.
But no, I freaked. My husband managed to open a window in the living room and he learned that the snow was as high as the bottom of the window sill. He dressed warmly and went out the window. He was able to stand up right away and looked in the window with a shit-eating grin and waving to us, he wandered off through the snow to the shed.
He got the shovel and started clearing the front steps so the door would open. He then went on and built a tunnel, more like an igloo, from the window he had crawled out of. He and our daughter did have a good time playing in that, but I was still without those diapers.
I ended up calling the police and they in turn sent a snowmobile out and when I saw him arrive he had a package of diapers on his lap.
I thanked him way too many times and offered him a steaming hot cup of hot chocolate but he refused. He made it clear there were other emergencies to attend to. I was so thankful for him, I will never forget that day.
Being in a blizzard does bring a family closer together. No work, no school, just spending time together in the snow playing, giggling and relaxing. Eating and sleeping in late, what a life that was those few days.
Now today, I am thanking God instead of a snowmobile. I prayed so much last night that God keep Al and me safe. He not only kept us safe, our water is still on. There is heat inside. I was able to bathe Al this morning and feed him. I was able to take a shower, do a load of laundry.
Al was very restless last night but all is good. We have the remaining of today with extreme cold weather. I bundled up and went outside and cleared one path of snow a way on the wheelchair ramp. My car fought me starting but did turn over. It loved me by the time I had left it run for fifteen minutes and for starting for me I brushed all the snow off of it.
Minus 35 degrees for today and tomorrow morning will be a high of zero, no negatives. So once again I will ask God to keep Al and me safe and I will add all elderly, disabled, sick and rich and poor to remain safe and warm during this blizzard of 2014 here in Indiana.
God is good, yes Jesus loves me. How do I know? I am sitting here writing to you aren’t I?
The Best Day Ever
http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt
You get to enjoy the best day ever — describe in…
http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt
You get to enjoy the best day ever — describe in detail what that means to you. Where are you? What will you do? What’s the weather like? What will you eat? Who will you see?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us INDULGENT.
Let’s forget reality for today. Let’s pretend that every wish I wanted does exist and come true.
Today is Christmas. The lights are twinkling on the seven-foot tree. Christmas music is playing in the background. The scented candles are lit. The scene is lit and I am standing calm in the doorway. I have my velvet red dress on with matching necklace and earrings. My shoes are the matching color of my dress.
I open the front door and welcome with a big smile my family and hug each one as they enter my home.
Everyone comments about the delicious smells that are drifting their way from the kitchen. They each place their wrapped gifts under the tree. There is no worry from me this year that all here will not walk a way without a few gifts and goodies of their own.
Al is in his recliner watching The Christmas Story. I call out to him and he comes out to the kitchen with the biggest smile. He hugs me and thanks me for making this such a wonderful Christmas for him.
Everyone is seated in their marked seats at the big dining room table. Candles glowing bouncing off the crystal glasses. Festive red and green napkins hug the bright red tablecloth.
The conversation is awesome. Everyone is on their best behavior. The food is delicious. The desserts are eaten. Afterwards all jump in to help clear the table and do the dishes as the kiddies are mingling around the Christmas tree with squeals of delight on opening their gifts.
I take lots of photos so that I may share them with my friends here on WP and FB. The day lingers and the memories I am building are that this is the best Christmas ever.
But the bubble is burst and I sit here in the silence on Christmas morning. I haven’t heard any stirring from my brother and I fear just a little to walk in his room. For he has repeatedly told me he will not be here for Christmas.
But hopefully I will walk in and wish him a Merry Christmas. I can hope that he smiles back at me in silence. I will bathe him in bed. Place him in a dry brief, position him on his side and turn the movie on which has to be The Christmas Story.
I will go to the kitchen and find some clear liquids for his breakfast since yesterday he vomited three times. Thick mucus is building up in him and he is choking. Swallowing as of yesterday has become a very difficult thing for him.
I will sit with him and feed him and give him his medicines so his pain is lessened. Afterwards I will swab his mouth and shave his face. I will go to the silent kitchen and begin the preparations for the noon meal. My memories will come alive as I relive past Christmas Days when Mom and Dad were not in heaven.
My son will arrive shortly before noon and they will play with their children while I cook. Silent tears will fall for what once was. My children in our home. Al not in his bed dying. Laughter and music filling the air.
Dinner is served. Some conversation will be done. Al will be in his room and I will make the best of this situation with God‘s help. Gifts are opened and then they leave for another day of sharing with their extended family.
I look at the mess and I check on Al. I begin clean up duty as it won’t be long until the aunt I haven’t spoken to in six years comes to visit Al at his request. I pray that the visit is nothing less than good.
I ponder on what time my daughter will arrive on Thursday and begin to prepare for the new day.
Merry Christmas Al, Merry Christmas my children where ever you are. I miss you Mom and Dad. I wish things were different.
To The Tune of Hush Little Baby
Hush Little Brother
Hush little brother please don’t cry
Sis is going to be here and wipe your…
Hush Little Brother
Hush little brother please don’t cry
Sis is going to be here and wipe your eyes.
And if that doesn’t help you much
Sis is gonna take your hands and touch
And if that touch doesn’t do the job
I will get on knees and pray and sob
If the medicines don’t seem to work
Sis will call to God the only clerk
For God is listening every day
He promises he will never walk away
I will stay here by your side
Massage your feet so deep and wide
I will wipe your tears completely away
I will take them on each and every day
I promise I never wanted this
As I lean down and give your nose a kiss
The time will come and you will know
God will take your pain and away you’ll go
Promise me you will save me a spot
For our family is all we ever really got
So hush little brother don’t say a word
Sis is gonna stay near like a hummingbird.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
12/20/2013
A Good Laugh Was Needed Today
Today I escaped the house for an hour. I had to go to the Pharmacy and pick up a new medication for…
Today I escaped the house for an hour. I had to go to the Pharmacy and pick up a new medication for Al. Lyrica, the doctor is hoping it will help his pain while his body contracts into a smaller body.
I went by my old elementary school on my way home. I don’t know why I revisit places like this. Maybe I am yearning for my free youth. Maybe I enjoy the memories. I stopped in front of the school and had a chuckle.
It was recess time. Remember those recess times? Freedom from studying, being quiet and listening to the teacher talk on and on and on? A time to forget the world and frolic and play.
I can remember catching grasshoppers in the back yard of the school. I remember playing tether ball. I really liked that game. A ball on a rope and a single pole. Playing it with another student trying my best to get it to go around past until I scored a win.
Playing chalk hop scotch and jump rope. Even as I sit here writing I look at my life now and back then and I would have never dreamed that it was going to play out like it is. Here I am caring for my brother. I have done a lot with my life and yet nothing that anyone will remember.
I sat in my car just smiling and then it dawned on me the weather. It has been very warm for December here lately but that all changed this afternoon. Now we are in the thirties and we are going to only be in the high of twenties for a few days.
But when I was at the school it was still forty something outside. I watched the kids as they ran and played and part of me envied their free spirit. The innocence of a child not having to worry about sick people, or bills or how they are going to eat.
Then I looked down at myself. I laughed out loud. I had a sweatshirt and sweatpants on. The heater was on in the car. All my windows were rolled up. The oldies station was being heard on the radio.
As I enjoyed watching these young people I saw that their clothing was quite different from mine. Some had shorts on and sweatshirts. Others had jeans and jackets wrapped around their waist. Some had jackets that were unzipped and flying in the breeze.
I laughed so hard when I realized I was or am becoming my parents and grandparents. I used to laugh at my family because in the fall I was wearing my shorts and Mom was saying she was so cold.
Where does the time go and how does it slide so quickly without us realizing it? In my mind I am still young. There are more and more days that my body reminds me that on my birthday I will be that big scary number 60.
I watched them for a bit longer and then started the car. I turned my fifties music up. It was Elvis Presley singing Rubberneckin. I had revisited my youth, picked up medications for a very ill brother, and noticed time had been ticking all these years. I was definitely becoming my Mother.
Who I am 