life’s open doors

DP, Daily Prompt

Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose?

I swear the prompts lately know my personal life. This isn’t the first one lately that the answers have been so easy. No thinking either, just writing my thoughts.

Contemplating leaving? Sure, I have done it. I do it more often. Every day I think about it. Of course it is Al leaving me and me not leaving Al. As the days dwindle down I find myself cautiously and fearful of what I will do next.

Oh I suppose there will be another soul out there that needs some help. I have repeatedly told myself I will never ever take care of a family member. But, I have also learned many valuable things during my brother’s illness.

One thing I learned quickly is not to take anything for granted. Yes, my parents and most of our extended family are now deceased. This makes it easy to say out loud that I will never care for family again.

No more getting so closely involved. No more around the clock care. I will do what so many other caregivers do. I will clock in and somewhere around the eight-hour I will clock out and go live my personal life for the next sixteen hours.

But what I learned is I get burnt when I get too cocky. When I say never, God shows me this is not in the cards. He proves to me that there is always a possibility. I ask, how? Well, he says, you do have children and grandchildren don’t you? There are still some distant family members, right?

I hang my head and say a soft yes, I guess there is, but my kids are younger than me and I am not that close to any other family. I will pass on before my kids, naturally. I have learned that I need, no I have to leave my life options door open.

I should always be ready and willing to take on the next responsibility he gives to me. I should look outside the box and not center on myself . Maybe illness and recovery will be in the picture. Maybe some family member will need my help temporarily.

Who knows? I can’t see the future, but I do know better to say never. God puts us here for a reason, a specific reason. When we complete his task, he either takes us home or we move on to the next task.

So sitting here at this very moment, there is a little fear about the unknown future. Yet there is going to be a huge relief that Al will no longer be in pain. I realize that all doors will be open and I will carefully look through the stained glass windows and step out in faith once again.

I get more excited as I realize that some shut doors will now once again be opened. I will be able to go see my children that don’t leave almost next door. Maybe a man will cross my path and God will help me to stop in my tracks and look up into his eyes.

Isn’t God amazing how he takes a little speck of sand like me and uses it to his full benefit. Yes, there is sadness, there is war, there are memories and there are good times. But best of all, there is the unknown, the new teachings. New thoughts and ideas explored, and best of all, I am alive. I have made it to one more day, one more feeling, one more experience, and one more chance.