I Didn’t Understand, So You Taught Me Another Way

Day 46: Inspired by Joyce Meyer

I can’t make sense out of this. I am sitting here in awe, trying to remember everything that Joyce Meyers is saying right now. I was channel surfing and came upon Joyce Meyers. I  usually watch it at 10pm, but right here it is in the afternoon.

I believe it is for me today. God wanted me to  hear it plain and clear. I am just over whelmed. No other words for it than this. The topic is on fear. I am a fearful person. Fearful of disappointing Al, God, my kids, friends, myself, you name it I am fearful, but my term for it has always been insecure.

I am not sure if they are one and the same meanings or not, but in this topic it is talking about people using you, and how you, me, let it happen. She says that I let it happen for fear of rejection, loss of friendship, family relationships etc.

I am listening to this intently, because every word, I  understand so clear. God, did you want me to watch this because you knew in my simple mind, I would make the connection?

I do things for people because I am afraid if I don’t they will leave my life. I let others run me over with a Mack truck, in fear of rejection. I think what got me though, right in the heart, was when she said, people who you let run you, never respect you.

I believe there is a difference in helping people who need it, or trying to be patient as someone tries to climb back up from the bottom. What I am talking about is when people use me over and over and I never stop it!

I am a middle-aged woman, and I should be standing more fearless, knowing God is behind me, beside me, and inside me. The holidays have stressed me out, and they are not even here yet. I worry why I don’t hear from my kids, and I realize they know how to pick up a phone, write an email. If they want to know how I am , they can figure out how to do it.

I am realizing that I am here to watch over and out for my brother, but I am not his keeper. I can not make him better, I can not wish away his illness, and most certainly, I can not let his illness take me down, so that I may take months to rise once again.

I have been ridiculed because I spend so much time on the internet, and now I am thinking, so, what is wrong with this? My house is clean, Al is being taken care of, bills are paid, so what is wrong If I blog more than others. If you don’t want to read my blogs, I know you know how to pass it by, just click DELETE!

Today, I have went back and forth in my mind because I did not feel like getting out of my comfy house coat and getting dressed. It is not proper, but who cares? If you stop by unexpectedly, will I not welcome you in and be my friendly self?

Wow, I don’t want to get all uppity and a know it all, but I am realizing that God wants me to be me for him and myself, not for everyone else. I am who I am. Thank you God for making me different! Thank you for giving me permission to do for me, sometimes, and not being ashamed. Thank you for leading me to this show today, because you have been trying to tell me, and I was not seeing or understanding, and you knew that I would get it, by watching at this precise moment.