Happy Mother’s Day Mom

You didn’t have to do it

You could have

Had it different

An easier life

Less stress

And tears

But you chose

Us over another way

And for this

I wish you

Happy Mother’s Day

Miss you Mom

Some day I

Shall see you

And Dad

In heaven.

Terry Shepherd

05/09/2013my mom and dad














#FWF Free Write Friday; M is for Mom


Our mom was my brother and my step-mom. She was the glue that held the family together.

When she passed away in 2000, our little family slowly fell apart. Dad became lost in his own sorrows for a few years.

I never knew what to say or how to comfort and soon time separated us more and more.

It shouldn’t have been that way, but life has a funny way of helping us to either make or not through loss of parents.

I think my brother, Al suffered the most. His  suffering wasn’t done like ours by talking about her and memories. His was done internally. Somewhere inside of his head and heart he built a shell as hard as a walnut.

He became more distant from all of us. He buried himself in coca cola and things that he should have strayed away from. Pretty soon it was evident that our family had come unglued.

I didn’t realize it for a long time that a lot of my own personal problems were due to the lack of being able to go to Mom’s house and talk to her. I didn’t realize that I had counted on her that much in my life.

She and I were never close like chocolate and milk. We were more like apples and pears. I hadn’t seen that through the years that I was growing up. I had omitted to let her know how much she meant to me and how thankful I was that she took us two kids in under her wings.

That has to be tough for parents. I have never taken kids  in to raise as my own. I do know that I have children in my family that aren’t what people call blood related but I fell in love with them as if they were. I always include them when I speak of my grandkids. I don’t see them any other way.

But for a Mom or Dad to take this role on day after day after year I assume there has to be some big adjustment times for adult and child.

Today was a day from hell for my brother. Although his Parkinson’s has brought about some dementia with it and no matter how badly he hurts physically, he never forgets our Mom.

He was really sad today. The real truth is he misses her just as much now as he did years ago when she went to heaven. Mom’s birthday is three days after Mother’s Day and so to him it is a double whammy. I tried so hard to console him today but I know in my heart that he will have to work through this alone.

I know my heart feels the void and there are still many times I want to go to the phone and dial her number, but alas, I can not.

Mom, I never told you this too often. Most likely it was because I was a stubborn brat and didn’t want to admit I may be wrong. I love you Mom. I know I caused you grief. You had your hands full with a full-time job, a new husband, and two new kids. I want you to know how sorry I am.

I am so certain that you and Dad watch over Al and me even now. I hope that you both are proud of how I have cared for my baby brother. I hope you are both smiling down on us. I love you Dad and I miss you so much. I love you Mom and I am sending you hugs from this earth up to you. I will see you soon enough and then I will give you a real big hug. Happy Mother’s Day Mom. You certainly earned your title.

Love, Your Daughter

Terryme and brother










I Can’t Even Think of a Title For This

Blue_candleI have been stressed out today. I know, I shouldn’t be this way, but it was just one of those nasty days from outer space. The bad thing is nothing is so major that I am going to have death knocking at my door.

It is all the little pieces of strings that attach themselves to me as I walk upon this land. To start off I checked the mail on the way to go see Al. There it was, that bill that the collection agency called me about. Oh no, it is for real.

There was nothing I could do at that moment. I was on the road. Going in to see Al was a disaster in itself. Al was crying and seemed so depressed when I got there. I wanted to turn around and run but thought to myself,coward.

While eating he was leaning forward so far that food kept falling back out of his mouth. He could barely hold his head upright to eat. Then he would get teary-eyed again because he was frustrated. Then his silverware started playing songs on his plate as his tremors decided to have a party during meal time. That made him cry more.

There was a part of me that wanted to leave, because I get so sucked up in his emotions. Another part of me wanted to pick him up and rock him, and the other part of me tried to be the big sister and calm things over.

Finally the truth surfaced. Sunday is Mother’s Day and the 13th, just a few days later is Mom’s birthday. Al loved Mom so much. He has always struggled with her death. I asked him if he would like me to pick him up and the two of us could go place flowers on Mom’s grave. That didn’t go over at all. Then he wailed. Tears and anything liquid that could run did. It took two nurses and me to calm him down.

I wanted to kick myself in the rear. Why did I ask him that? Darn Terry. The truth was I thought it may help him feel closer to her but that idea backfired. I stayed a couple of hours and then I told him I loved him, and would bring him back lunch, snacks and soda when I returned on Sunday.

I went to meet a lady who sold me six nice starter plants of mint and orange mint. They looked really healthy. Next I paid a visit to the collection agency with bill in hand. I was just sure that the medical billing company had not sent  his bill to the proper insurance company.

But that wasn’t the case at all. In fact it was worse. This bill was from 12/2011. I had just been working these past two weeks on Al’s inventory and I knew without a doubt there was no bill I paid for over one thousand dollars.

I asked the lady to get a hold of the company and she said she would get an itemized bill for me. I had also tried calling this company twice while visiting Al but only got those stupid leave a message recordings, and of course they never called me back.

The bad thing about it all now is the time limit is past. According to her you only have one year to declare any changes to address, insurance etc. So by now being almost a year and a half later, no one, not even the government, she said, will go back and pay.

I was sick at heart. Here I am trying to find a way to pay this huge bill the nursing home wants. By the way, I don’t know if any of you keep tabs on the web page link for Al’s fundraiser, but we now have a total of $335.00. Many of you have helped and I so appreciate it. I have emailed and or made comments on the comment page about my deepest thanks. Here is the link if anyone would still care to help him. I think I am down to 52 days left. The link is


So now I have this big debt and a bill for over a thousand dollars and no one will go back and pick it up. I was sad and frustrated and mad all at the same time. I asked her when she received the bill for collection and she stated a week a go.

I pinpointed that this was way past the year dead line and why did the company wait so long? Why did they never send me a bill? She said to go home and wait for the new statement to arrive which would be a week.

I came home and went through the file for that month. I saw where Al had been in the hospital. It showed the correct address and it showed where I had paid them. But guess what, no where in that month or following clear up to this day today was there one single bill from this company. Now I was turning in to Al. I once again cried. Now it is up to almost eight thousand minus the help you all have given for the two bills.

I went outside and tried to erase my mind and planted all of the mint.  After that I didn’t feel like cooking so I went to a nearby restaurant and picked up some supper and I can’t believe I did this, I just can’t believe it. I went through the drive-thru and when I went to the window to pay and pick up the food the gal was complaining of having a bad day.

So what did I do? Yep, you guessed it. I rattled on about the bad two days I have been going through and then I just let loose. I started bawling like a big old baby. I bet that gal thought I had a screw loose. I don’t know if she looked a way or at me but I felt an arm on my arm and it brought me a sense of comfort. A human touch is something I miss very much. I could see that while she was on the other side of the window she was showing me compassion. It helped and then I felt embarrassed because I showed weakness. I thanked her and told myself, don’t come back here until you know they have forgotten your face.

When I came home I found out that the Case Worker has Al’s budget. He and I and the Day Program will all be meeting next Thursday. They will now listen to my request for needs for him and they will discuss the cost to have Al at Day Program. This will all be divided up in his budget and then after this  is decided, it will be sent back to the State. He said he hopes to have Al back in his home by June 1. I was excited and called Al and let him know but he was so sunk in Parkinson’s and Mom that he just cried again wanting to come home tonight.

So we had some good news in the middle of the storm, and now I have to hurry and make sure our house is as clean and open for wheelchair before next Thursday’s inspection. Then I have to figure out how in the world to pay these two debts off. It still makes me angry that the medical place waited until after the deadline to file it with a collection agency. It makes me angry that they never sent one single bill. Unless someone knows of a way around this, I figure Al will be deceased before these two debts are paid off. Or he will pay them until his passing and then they will disappear??? I don’t know.

1911, To Return Back To Then

I can’t believe the changes. I have to wonder what it will be like in the future when I am no longer here.
1911 Ford Model T
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!

************ ********* ***********

The year is 1911 — One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1911:

************ ********* ************
The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.

Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !

The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year ..

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at home .

Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as “substandard.”

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars…

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada , was only 30!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented yet.

There was neither a Mother’s Day nor a Father’s Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.

Back then pharmacists said, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, Regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health!” ( Shocking? )

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help …..

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !

I am now going to forward this to someone else without typing it myself.

From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD –
all in a matter of seconds!

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

Together, You And I

Jerry Mathers and Paul Sullivan

Jerry Mathers and Paul Sullivan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Being a part of the blogging world for nine weeks now has made me see how small most of my problems are in life. I used to think that I had the worst life of anyone. I have a step-sister, that I don’t think I have mentioned, and if I have it is a rare thing. She is totally opposite of me. She was born when I was ten, so there is quite a big difference in age. She is into things I have never been around, and I don’t party, where that is her main life, but she is a half-sister, so she is family. I have read where some of you bloggers also struggle with acceptance and rivalries with siblings also. When I was growing up, I watched the top shows in my life. Leave It To Beaver, I Dream of Jeannie. The corny shows, no swearing, no guns, just comedy, laughter and fun. I knew that this was the kind of life that I wanted to have. I wanted a Leave It To Beaver family. I think I had it for some years when I was first married. The children were born, husband worked at a very respectable job. I was a housewife. I had a best friend that had remained from seventh grade all the way to my ripe old age of 36. I didn’t attend church much. Oh we went sometimes, but mainly when there was a special event, like Mother’s Day dinners, where mom would get tickets and asked my daughter and I to go. I lived in a fairy tale dream. There is no Leave It To Beaver families anymore. If there are, I have not met them. From some of the blogs here, I have discovered that I am not the only one divorced. I have learned that husbands and wives can and do cheat on each other. We are even entertained by obnoxious shows like Jerry Springer, just to help remind us of the craziness we all live in. I hate the show myself, but I will admit, it can be entertaining, and provide a good laugh, if you are having a depressing day. My mother used to tell me that there was no such thing as depression. She said it was not accepting our lives for what they truly are, and wishing for something different. She told me that if I was depressed, I should dig more in my bible, and get my rear end to church. Mom was a strong woman, who lived through her Bible. Her views on life were simple. Believe in God, and all falls into place.The other thing that irritated her was the talk shows where there was always a psychiatrist available. She thought this was a rip-off of people’s monies. She would state to me, if you need help, read your Bible and pray for healing. Today, years later, I realize that she had a solid look at life. Our family was no different from mine now, or yours. We live in different states, have different cultures, causing us to do things a certain way, but, we are very similar. Did I want to be a rich person? No, not really. Food on the table, and bills paid, was always my motto. I see where Donna Summer passed away, and of course it was the same for her as Whitney Houston and all quite a few other rich folks. Money, sex, and drugs. Why in the world would you want to be famous? So you can fit in, be popular, be photographed, live in a mansion. Maybe the cheating attracts them,being needed and desired? Enjoying such a short life, as drugs are introduced, so that you can stay awake during all of your travels, cure insomnia, calm the nerves, and die early? No, I don’t want this life that they have. I don’t care if I am seen on TV or not. They also have the same problems we do, just magnified. I have found a few ladies on the blog site here that I wish were my sisters, for real. Their love of life, compassion for others, the involvements with their children’s lives, is what draws me to them. I have even went to the next step, and have actually spoken to one of these ladies over the telephone now. This puts a closer connection for me now, as there is a reality of the other person being real, not just a blogger. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could pick up the phone and talk to each other also, or does that invade on the privacy issue, for fear if we knew each other through a voice, we may not be able to blog about our fears any longer. Some of us, including me, blog about personal things, realizing that no one is ever going to really know us in person, so it is safe to blog about anything we wish. I have thought about my blogs and the things I say about Al and me. Everything I have ever written about our family has been truth, and yet when I actually spoke to a live blogger, I suddenly realized they could see my failures. I am a failure in my eyes as far as my looks. I always wanted to be a skinny Minnie girl who men wanted to gaze at but I am not. I don’t think God wants us all to be skinny. He just wants us to love him and love ourselves, and to be a healthy home for him to live in. Yes, I have learned much from bloggers. I have my struggles, just like you do. Mine is different from yours but similar. Always about life, love, acceptance and rejection. I don’t feel so bad anymore. I have a community that loves or at least respects my life I live. I have children that love me. I have God in my life, who is there anytime, if I just reach out to him first. What more could I wish for? Nothing. We bloggers are all leading lives that lead us down one of two paths. We either are striving to end up sitting beside the good Lord in the end, or we aren’t. That sounds pretty simple doesn’t it? It is a proven fact that the closer we walk towards God, the more tribulations we are dealt with daily. Being a Godly person is not easy. It is filled with decisions and rejections and battles, but in the end the price of going through the wars is peace. We are all striving to have this aren’t we? We all want our battles ended with peace. We are all different, unique, live in different areas, but we are all similar, We all want peace, and acceptance and to be loved. We have this, right in front of us. A lot of us will see each other one day. We may not recognize each other as that blogger on WordPress, but we will recognize each other as brothers and sisters.

You Are The Best

She didn’t know me at birth. She walked into my life when I was four. There was not just one but two of us, a total of four. She held down a full-time job. She was very intelligent. I went through her elementary and secondary school cards, and never saw anything lower than an A. She was a proud woman, her weakness holding in her feelings and not letting anyone know of her hurt. She held two jobs in her life since I came to know her. One was a telephone operator, and the other with an electric company. She worked at the electric company the longest, working there until she could retire. She worked her way up from a teller all the way to a super boss. She was in charge of different areas of her job. She took her work very seriously, not showing too many smiles, but all knew she cared about them, and she was proud of all of them. She gave a piece of herself to many. She helped to open a homeless shelter for mothers and their children who had been abused or evicted from their homes. This home still stands tall and strong yet today. She was a member of her church, having various positions through out her years. She purchased a camper and when small fairs came to surrounding towns, she and he would sell elephant ears and give all proceeds to the home for the homeless, asking for no help with all that it takes to run this camper. She took excellent care of the two of us. We were clean and dressed nice at all times. She made sure that we had  good educations and made sure that Al was given the best opportunities with his disabilities. She was there when I got married, and she was there when I was divorced. She was a wonderful grandmother. I remember at her funeral someone spoke up and told about how she would over hear a stranger who was struggling to pay their bill. She knew that they were not a repeat customer, looking for a hand out. When this person left, she would go pay their bill without letting them know it was her that did this. She loved God. I never knew a night to go by that she didn’t study in her bible. I have it today, and it shows all of her favorite passages and notes that she had written in it. After she left us, I found lots of notes around reminding her to pray for me or another family member or friend.  She worked very hard her whole life, taking in two children that were not hers. Building a life together with dad, staying fully committed, even when he said things that were hurtful. She prayed for him for many years, that he may find God, and five years before she left us, dad came to know the Lord. This to her, was her greatest reward in her marriage. I don’t know your personal life. We do not get that intimate with each other on here, but I believe that I had the best mother, any girl could ask for. She took me in, although I was not hers by blood, and treated me as if I was her own. We had our differences, but who doesn’t. The guilt I carried for years, I was fortunate enough, to be able to ask her for forgiveness before she left. It was so sudden. She woke one morning, and went to use the restroom and never came out. When dad realized she had been in there too long, he went to check and found her slumped on the stool. The hospital said she had an aneurism. She was taken to a larger city hospital where she lay for seven days, in a coma. On the sixth day, the doctors came to dad and me and asked if we would like to let her go, as if we decided to hang on, only ten percent of her would remain, the rest would be a vegetable. We loved her dearly, and we cried together, holding on to each other for support, while we decided to be unselfish and let her go. On the seventh day, we held her hand as she slipped away from us. It will never leave my heart. She remains with me forever, a woman who took two children in, and with disabilities, and the normal challenges of a ready-made family, she was better than any mother who gave birth to us. It is almost Mother’s Day, and although she has been gone for eleven years, I want to say, I love you Mom. You are forever in my heart. You were and are still the best.