http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/07/daily-prompt-support/#like-47576, DP, Daily Post
Do you have a mentor? Tell us about him or her. Are you a mentor to someone else? Tell us what that relationship has added to your life.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us SUPPORT.
I am a mentor for someone else, in fact three others. My children. Ever since I had my first child I put a way any stupid things I knew I was doing. Put them in a metal box, locked it and tucked it way back in the dark corner of my closet.
My first child I taught to be very independent. I knew that she watched her Mom all the time. It was important that I helped her grow up to learn life isn’t easy, and not always fair, but she could have what she wanted and she didn’t have to lean on anyone else to attain it.
When my second child arrived, he had the biggest heart I had ever seen for a boy. He always had the biggest smiles for me and he was never a trouble maker. He was Mom’s big helper and even today, he still has the biggest heart and always tells me he loves me when he and I talk.
I went through some real personal shit after my third child was born. I was dealing with the fact I had learned of where my real mother was and trying to make something happen between her and me that wasn’t meant to be. I also was dealing with the fact that my last child was born with bone cancer, so life was definitely living in a fog.
I changed, not that I wanted to but because the biggest bubble of hope I carried all through my life had been burst. I made a lot of mistakes. I knew my kids were watching but I didn’t seem to have enough control over my feelings to help myself. I know I hurt my kids by not being there for them. I finally went and got some professional help so I didn’t lose my kids respect or my mind.
I learned that just because someone gave birth to me, doesn’t make them a mother, and that it wasn’t my fault she was like she was. I also learned that I am worthy and it was her loss and not mine.
Today I am much better but there always seems to be a visible trail that still follows me letting my insecurities show.
I have never been the kind of person who acts out intentionally to hurt another soul, and I am pretty sure for the most part my kids love me today.
Life isn’t easy, just like I taught my daughter, but through love and support I look back and think I did a pretty good job. My kids are good-looking, smart. I know I am racist but I can’t help myself, they are my kids. I mentored my children the best I could, and when they grew up and went on their own I always hoped they realize they will make mistakes with their mentors too. These are my children when they were small. This is me, their Mom.