Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
I can tell you about my memories
I can speak about my tears
I can tell you about my laughter
I can speak about important keys.
I can’t tell you about tomorrow
I can’t speak about my upcoming health
I can’t guess about decisions
I’ll just pray, head up and go.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
12/31/2119
The Sunday after Christmas my girlfriend picked me up and took me to her home, which is not too far from Chicago . We talked all the way there and most of the evening .
The next day an ice storm arrived. This prevented us from going anywhere . Since she lives so close to the Great Lakes, the winds were something else. When I went outside to smoke, I swear if I was fifty pounds lighter, the winds could have picked me up.. lol
The news weatherman was predicting accumulated snow amounts for today and tomorrow . I wanted to stay until Thursday , but I also wanted my friend to remain safe on her trip back home from dropping me off, so I came home yesterday , Tuesday .
When I walked through the door, it was clear the two dogs had missed me. The eldest grandchild said,”hi grandma,” immediately and the baby who is almost 2, gave me a big smile.
It was a nice welcome to me. Last evening I decided to have Ritz crackers with melted cheese for my bed time snack. I was putting the last cracker in my mouth, when a sharp pain entered around my ear. I touched the side of my face and felt swelling.
I thought I was getting another gland infection . I don’t drink enough fluids and sometimes my saliva glands will become infected.
These don’t feel good and I didn’t need this now as I leave for Kentucky this Sunday. I didn’t have issues sleeping but when I woke up this morning , I had some pain under my cheekbone .
I tried making an appointment with my doctor today but he was booked up. I ended up going to the medic clinic and he said he didn’t believe I had a gland infection nor a sinus infection .
He felt around and along with my answers to his questions he said I had TMJ. I had opened my mouth wider than usual and had inflamed my jaw. He told me to take Ibuprofen for a couple of days and see if it gets better.
It seems to swell and become a little swollen when I eat. Afterwards , the swelling goes back down. I feel some tingling , but he had said the nerves and muscles are involved.
I hope this gets better, since I leave in a few days. Since getting my teeth pulled in October, I am sick of mouth pain, so keep your fingers crossed.
I am not doing anything for New years eve . I don’t drink and I don’t want to get hit by a drunk driver, so I am staying home . How are the last days of your Christmas holiday going ?
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We’re entering the final days of 2014 — how did you do on your New Year’s resolutions these past 11.75 months? Is there any leftover item to be carried over to 2015?
Until this year, I have always looked at New Year’s eve as a sad and down day. The knowledge of what had been happening in my life was familiar; and yet I didn’t want to go into unknown territories.
I used to make resolutions; but hey, let’s face it, many of those aren’t followed after the end of January. Life gets back to normal. Work schedules are once again a five-day a week plus. Kids get bored, school continues on. No more vacations until Spring.
I quit making resolutions years ago. I doubt if I break that record this year either. What I will do instead is be thankful that I have the opportunity to start walking my path in 2015.
I will say thank-you to God for allowing me this day. I will still continue to pray for those who are in unfortunate situations. I will pray that our world wakes up before it is too late. I will give a smile above that my bills are still paid and I can put food on the table.
I guess when it is all over and said, I will once again be thankful and forget the resolution making because I know I won’t stick to it; but realizing how lucky I am is real and I will always keep that upper front in my mind.
Ten Minutes to Midnite and Al had a Visitor
I am not writing this to put anyone in a sad mode nor for any other reason than I have been alone…
I am not writing this to put anyone in a sad mode nor for any other reason than I have been alone with Al since before supper last night and I am just beat. This is one of those posts that is for me to just get it out in the open instead of reliving it.
Last night wasn’t that bad. Things didn’t begin to get worse until 11:50pm. Yes, ten minutes before the new year kicked in. I was sort of listening to the New Year’s Eve program and Al was watching Dave Letterman.
All of a sudden Al calls me in his room in the loudest voice I have heard out of him in some time. I went in and he said, ” Look, we have a visitor.” I looked around but I didn’t see anyone.
He went on with, ” Right here, beside me. Look beside me.” I looked but didn’t see a thing. Although I will admit I caught my breath and the hairs on my arms stood straight up.
” Jesus is here.” I was speechless. Al went on to tell me that Jesus was sitting right beside him just watching him. Then suddenly Al began praying. I could make out some words he was saying but he was talking so soft that I struggled to hear.
I could hear him saying, ” Please take me home. Please take me home. I am sick. I want to go home”. This praying went on for about ten minutes. The clock was ticking down to midnight. I was holding Al’s hand while the people on the TV were laughing and having a good time. Then the numbers started. !0,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1, Happy New Year.
Al quit breathing. My heart was racing. I looked all around the room but saw nor felt anything, but I knew without a doubt Al was seeing and having a conversation with God right there in front of me.
Finally he gasped and took a deep breath. Had he almost gone to heaven with Jesus? Had his heart decided to stop for a moment? I don’t know what happened but then it was over.
Al laid silent and I stood beside him stroking his hand. It seemed we were this way for sometime. He went to sleep and I went to bed going over in my mind what had just happened.
It felt weird. The world was moving into a new year and yet I remained glued to 2013. Time was speeding by me and yet standing still.
He was restless last night during the night. I was up with him several times. His hands and fingers are pretty swollen today. I don’t know if it is from his hands contracting or if it is his MSA or heart. The nurse will be here tomorrow and I shall be asking, although she will most likely notice it right away.
So here it is 2014. The hopes are brought into this new day. My hope is still that Al finds peace sooner than later.
Where were you last night when 2012 turned into 2013? Is that where you’d wanted to be?
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Where was I last night when 2012 turned into 2013? Well, you see this picture beneath? This is where I was. I was being fat and sassy in my own comfort of the bedroom. I had taken my bath and glossed my hair. I was cuddling in soft materials, nuzzled on top of a feather topper.
The only fireworks that were going on were outside my home. Others wanted to hoop it up in the freezing cold, but not I. Was I drinking it up? Did I look like I was having an early hangover? Nope, not at all. I don’t believe in making myself crazy. I am already that without the drink. I guess that explains why I have nine lives and you don’t.
I had my special treat. A bowl of milk and some bite-size snippets. My master turned her favorite programs on. Before I tell you the name of the station she watches, I have to remind you that part of her mind never caught up with time frame we are in now. She is still partially stuck in reverse in the eighties. She watches TV Land, yes, you understood me. That show that plays all the oldies before I was born?
Her favorite programs are on Nick-At-Nite. King of Queens, Happily Divorced, Golden Girls. You get the drift don’t you? Well personally, I would rather be watching the cartoon Tom and Jerry, but I humor the owner of this den, because she feeds me good.
I’m sure she won’t be smacking you with the baseball bat hiding behind the door if you did go out and party. If you drank, I hope you drank responsibly. If you left in a car, I hope that a good friend drove you home. If you woke up in a strange bed, I will pray for you! LOL.
I didn’t even watch the big ball drop. I am a real dud, right? Boring boring, but I was safe, happy, content and comfy. What else could I possibly want or need? Well maybe someone to rub my belly. Scratch behind my ears, and how about throwing me an extra tuna treat for heaven’s sakes! I see you heading for the fridge again!
To my brother whom I love so dear
I know you are there and I am here
My thoughts are with you every day
As we walk together and separate ways
I know that you are dealing with all of this
While I am still dealing with hit and miss
Tonight is New Year‘s Eve, and I am thinking of you
I hope you are happy and not too blue
My thoughts and prayers are all for you
As we gather close and pray for all new
I will be always be near you and by your side
As you go through this illness that will not hide
Don’t ever feel alone dear brother
Walking beside you is your loving mother
I ask our God to heal you in this new year
I ask that he also whisper in your ear
And tell you that he and I love you so
I will leave the Rose, so you will always know
Love you brother
Terry Shepherd
12/31/2012
Who I am 