It was a crazy weekend for sure. For one, the silence was deafening. Thankfully, my girlfriend calls me nightly. Last night, Sunday, Al was so uncomfortable. He was in pain and no matter what I gave him, it didn’t take it completely away.
He fought a temp all weekend. Even with his fever and pain medications the fever was still there. I didn’t get to go to bed on time. Al had every right to…
It was a crazy weekend for sure. For one, the silence was deafening. Thankfully, my girlfriend calls me nightly. Last night, Sunday, Al was so uncomfortable. He was in pain and no matter what I gave him, it didn’t take it completely away.
He fought a temp all weekend. Even with his fever and pain medications the fever was still there. I didn’t get to go to bed on time. Al had every right to complain, he is the one feeling it, but boy, did I want to go to bed.
Then during the night I had been asleep about two hours when I must have had a nightmare. http://www.nightmaresanddreams.com/
I heard people marching. I mean it was so loud I instantly sat up in bed. I could feel my heart racing. It felt like it was beating in my throat.
I sat frozen in spot, listening. I was first thinking is this the way Al went home? The horses or men or whoever it was had come to get Al, and yet I sat there frightened as a mouse being caught with cheese.
After a spell went by I realized I had been dreaming so I laid back down and went back to sleep. Oh, I should say I did check Al and all was alright. About a half an hour later I was woken up again. This time I was hearing bells. No, not bells like bells in my belfry, lol, but more like chime bells.
I didn’t sit up in fright as it was such a nice chime but laid there listening for more, but nothing. By the time I went back to sleep I was figuring I would get about two more hours of sleep, if I was lucky.
I woke up in time to let the shower girl in and wanted to go back to bed and die from lack of sleep but that didn’t happen either. The phone rang three times. The nurse showed up. The caregiver arrived.
I then remembered it was Monday and I had three bills to pay sitting at the computer. I made the phone calls and paid two of them. On the third one, my cell bill, the automated was messed up.
The empty person’s voice couldn’t detect the information I was putting in. So then it tried to give me a temporary pin number to proceed but of course when I punched those numbers in, it couldn’t hear me.
I was then switched to this, listen to me, a LIVE voice. Yes, a real person. I told her what happened and then she said she was so happy to help me. She asked the usual, name, address etc. Then she asked me for the kind of phone I had.
I told her what it was but she wasn’t satisfied. She wanted the serial number. I explained that my phone is generic and if I pull the back off she would disappear from the conversation.
She told me to look up my account on my bill. With a false smile I explained that I have been on contract with them for nearly two years. I told her that for the first three months of being with them I had called in and reported that I was not receiving any online statement from them.
She was frustrated that I didn’t know crap about my name of my phone and put me on hold for some time. I hadn’t had my medicine for my Diabetes yet. I was hungry. I was tired, and my pet peeve is being put on hold.
After some silence, I didn’t even get the elevator music, gees, she came back online. She verified my home address and said she would start having my bills sent snail mail. Under my breath I whispered, why didn’t you do that a year and a half ago. Wow, a few months before the contract ends, I am going to actually get a bill!
I thanked her for her help and paid my bill. When we finished our lovely conversation I looked at the time I was on the phone with her and it had been thirty-one minutes. Oh my gosh, that long? And all this was over the fact that their automated system didn’t work good today.
So here it is 1pm in the afternoon. The caregiver went to Taco Bell to get lunch and she brought me back some Tacos too. I am still in my pajamas. I haven’t washed my face nor brushed my hair, and she leaves at 3pm.
So much for my Monday. Is it Tuesday yet?
Vomit or Blog It
Yesterday when Hospice was here, the nurse and I had a conversation alone out of Al’s bedroom. She…
Yesterday when Hospice was here, the nurse and I had a conversation alone out of Al’s bedroom. She told me it was time to get Al’s clothes together for what I wished him to wear at his funeral.
She told me to get around several photos of Al, and the funeral home would put together a video that would be shown to others walking in. This was all hard for me to swallow. I decided to wait until tomorrow and have my girlfriend help me with this.
I was so excited last night when the phone rang and it was my girlfriend letting me know she was returning for another visit with me. I don’t know what I would do without her. She is just the best.
But during the conversation between the nurse and I, she made a comment that made me want to run to the bathroom and vomit. Pictures flew through my mind and they were not pretty at all.
The nurse didn’t smile or laugh. She seemed very serious. I pondered on her words all day. I finally forced myself to walk to the mailbox and check my mail. I had to get out of the house.
Al was sleeping so I took the ten minutes to walk and snap a few photos. I will post those at the end of this post.
Last night Al didn’t go to sleep until about 3am. I was so tired after having the night before being about the same and no caregiver for two days. I tried sleeping in my recliner but my mind kept going back to our conversation earlier.
I couldn’t sleep in my bed so I laid down on the couch. I finally fell asleep only to be woken by nightmares. The nightmares were of our conversation earlier that day. I stumbled through the night with restless sleep and recurring nightmares.
The caregiver came today and by noon I could hardly keep my eyes open. I had to lay down. I excused myself and laid on the couch. I think because the caregiver was here I went to sleep immediately.
Tonight I am trying very hard to forget what that nurse said, but it is hard. I finally decided to blog my thoughts, hoping between your comments to come and lack of sleep I can get by until tomorrow when my friend arrives.
Do you want to know what the nurse told me? She said so matter-of-fact, that when the hearse comes to take Al’s body, they will put it in the back of the car and then go from place to place, and pile these bodies up and together in the back of that car.
All I could see is Al, my baby brother, being crushed and mauled by other deceased bodies. Even thinking about it now makes me want to vomit. Is this the way it really happens?
If not, why did she comment with it. I would give anything to have been deaf when she spoke. Even if for some chance she was trying to get a smile out of me or lighten the death coming, it didn’t sit well with me at all.
This is my brother, the one I have cared for, for six years, fighting this terrible MSA. I don’t want to hear this crap. I am not accustomed to working with death like Hospice is.
There, I got it out, now I hope it helps me to sleep tonight.
Who I am 