no tremors | Who I am

Although Al had a good day, you can see by different signs that he is sick. For example when I took his shoes and socks off for his nap, his feet are once again swollen. The other thing is he is still napping. He usually sleeps for a couple of hours. Sort of a catching up thing from his days.

Here it is 8:30 and I went into check on him. I actually jumped back and my heart began to beat very quickly.

There is one thing, no two things that you never see Al do anymore. Number one is; his head will not go back. You could force it all you wanted, (which I don’t), just saying you could and it would not move.

Al’s head was laying flat on the bed. His pillow had slipped out from him or he moved it.

Number 2; his entire body is calm. Absolutely not one tremor. In the shadows of the night all I could see was gray shadows around his face, bouncing back at him by the black shirt he is wearing.

Instantly my breath caught. I saw my brother as he will be when his time is up. I didn’t mean to see it, it was just there all out in the open. I immediately started to cry.

Then my mind snapped back into reality. I checked his breathing. Yes, he is breathing. He was so calm and relaxed I didn’t want to wake him. On the other hand I want to go to sleep tonight. I don’t know which choice to make, let him sleep or wake him up.