Am I Losing My Marbles?


Am I Losing My Marbles?

I wore a lighthearted post a few minutes ago. Now I will be a little more serious. I don’t know what is happening to me. I am not terribly scared over it; but I am becoming alarmed.

Dropping things constantly. Items just fall away from my fingers. Forgetting things and being anxious or confused. Today, for example.

I had to take AJ to the beauty salon at 11 am to drop him off. From there I had to…

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Am I Losing My Marbles?


I wore a lighthearted post a few minutes ago. Now I will be a little more serious. I don’t know what is happening to me. I am not terribly scared over it; but I am becoming alarmed.

Dropping things constantly. Items just fall away from my fingers. Forgetting things and being anxious or confused. Today, for example.

I had to take AJ to the beauty salon at 11 am to drop him off. From there I had to get a baby shower gift for my daughter-n-law. We are going to be having another addition to the family in about a  month. A big, baby girl, bundle of joy.

I also had to mail my book, Dahlia to four bloggers that had requested it. I also mailed my daughter’s birthday gift out. Her birthday is the 15th and I doubt she will be up here for that.

After that I had to go to the bank, then went to meet a  lady to pick-up an item I wanted. Finally, I stopped by Taco Bell and grabbed some lunch, then off to pick-up AJ.

Not really a terrible list of things. All in general area of driving. While at the bank I forgot to place the disability tag on my mirror. When I came out of the bank ten minutes later there was a yellow paper on my window.

Looking at it I was surprised. I had been ticketed $50.00 for parking in a handicapped area with no tag. I almost broke down in tears. I had never received a ticket in my life. I got in the car and cursed myself for forgetting to place the tag in view.

I didn’t know what to do. Fifty dollar is a lot of money that I didn’t really have to spend. I drove down to the police station and went through the double doors. A nice looking lady was sitting behind the glass shield.

I started to explain my temporary sanity I seem to have anymore and then I broke down into tears. I explained about my brother passing away recently, and then she offered me some tissue and said she would ask the officer if these charges could be dropped.

She said someone would call me. Knowing I have heard those words before I didn’t think too much about it. I concentrated more on  how I was going to get that money. While picking out the baby shower gift my cell phone rang.

It was the officer. He explained he had been told my circumstances and waived the charge and dropped the ticket. I told him thank-you for being so understanding and then hung up.

I thanked God for saving me, but I am concerned on why I seem such a ditz anymore. People tell me things and then later will bring it up and I have no idea what they are talking about.

They try to rattle my brain by reminding me of when and where they told me, but I don’t remember. The dropping of things, and constant marbles in my head are making me begin to wonder if I am getting Parkinson’s Disease like my father, his mother, and her sister had.

I hope not, I pray I don’t, for I live alone and I would not be able to do that forever. I am almost too afraid to pray about it; for fear Satan will get a hold of it and toy with me.

 

https://terry1954.wordpress.com/2014/04/30/27483/

 

marbles

Caregiver, Take A Rest


I woke up earlier than Al today, so I took advantage of my free time and got on the

urination: not here

urination: not here (Photo credit: maximolly)

computer and answered the question to Plinky. About the same time I finished the question, Al got up. By now it was nine am, and between that and 10am, this is what happened.

Al rang his bell announcing to me that he was ready to get up. I said that I heard him, and he proceeded to get up, as I finished up on here, which was long enough to get out of WP. I walked back in to his room to start the bed check to see if it was wet, and I see Al peeing on his table and floor and trying to wipe it off with his hanky. He just looked at me, and said he was cleaning it up. I immediately went and got the cleaners for the table top, that was flooding, and the floor, and instantly removed the items from the table that were damp.

Al and I have been in battle for a few days now about keeping things on the table top at night. I have explained to him until I am blue in the face, that it is alright to over load his bed side table during the day, but once bed time arrives, the table can only hold his lamp, kleenex box, television remote, and his bell. I have repeatedly explained as nice as I could, that if he fell out of bed, I did not want to break his items sitting on top, trying to move the table to get to him, but he refuses. He has always been a very stubborn person, in fact, I don’t think I know anyone personally, that is as stubborn as he, and this is where the peeing came in also.

I have repeatedly asked him to sit and go pee, on the commode, but he wants to stand, and then he doesn’t hold his private part, while trying to pee, because he is trying to hold onto something stable in order to stand the short time to pee. He wants everything to stay the way it was prior to Parkinson’s, and I understand this totally, but changes have to be made.

He got mad at me right away, and I believe this is because he was busted, or caught, doing the wrong thing, so he started to blame me for his peeing on the floor and table. I reminded him again, while I was cleaning up the messes, that he needed to sit and pee, not stand. This statement made him mad, and he carried his anger through breakfast, and then when breakfast was over the shower girl appeared at the door.

I let her in and she was a witness to his anger and tears. I felt bad for her as she did not ask to be a party to this. After he got through with his breakfast and rambling on about how I did not care about him, and I was trying to get rid of him by placing him, he was not concentrating on what he was doing, getting up, and he caught the leg of the kitchen chair he had been sitting at, and was dragging it with pushing his walker.

I jumped out of my chair in order to get the chair apart from the walker, so he would not fall once again, and he turned on me instantly. He started charging at me and he was telling me to go to hell, and that I was a bitch.

The shower girl came instantly and tried to get him to calm down, and told me to go back and sit down, that she would give him his shower. Al doesn’t know this but the baby monitor being on, I could hear him dogging me to death, telling her all kinds of crap, trying to win her over to his side, just like a kid that plays mom against dad. All this happened in one hour, before I brushed my teeth, or hair, or was in my day clothes, one hour!

It was awful, but only for an instant, did it sting, but instead I got angry. How dare he act so naughty, when I go out of my way.  Wasn’t I just the one who had been cleaning all the messes up in his room, get his medications ready, get his drinks ready, silverware, napkin, plates. Oh forget it I said to myself, I am not doing this for any recognition or rewards, I am doing this because I love him, and because I love him, I have decided to go forth with the placement. I need my health back and he needs more help than I can give him anymore.

Trip Gone Bad


think

I try to be nice and thoughtful in general, so I decided to take Al out to supper to the DQ. They have the Pumpkin Blizzards now, and I had a coupon plus they had a special going on for 2 double cheeseburgers for $4.00. I knew that he had not been out of the house for the weekend, plus he is still upset for the fact that as he says, he is not healed yet, so why is the shower girl and therapy people not wanting to keep coming here.

The office people from the Home Health Care told me this morning, that they were going to see what was going on, which to me, did not make me feel real secure, because if the office doesn’t know, then who does? All day the phone never rang, so I don’t know if anyone is coming back this week or not. I gave Al his shower this morning, but I should not have to do that part of his personal care, and I still don’t appreciate it hours later, that no one called me prior, and I just received a text message at 9am, saying the shower girl would not be back, and his shower was scheduled for 10:30. Great big notice you gave me, thank you very much!

So we went into the DQ, and he seemed happy about getting his blizzard and his food. The girl brought the food over to our table and we started to eat, and then he asks me if we can go to Wal-Mart to get him some slipper socks. I just had mentioned that this morning as I was putting clean clothes into his dresser drawers, that we should get some more now that the weather was turning colder. I told him that we could not go to Wal-Mart, as it was going to be dark in about forty-five minutes, and the deer are out now in early evening. I do not like to drive after dark, because I guess old age tends to make the eyesight worse, and I also did not want to get slammed by a deer.

He started to cry and when he gets upset his tremors pick up more speed, so I said how about we stop at the Dollar General store on the way home. I can run in and get them much faster than going to the big store. His reply was no. I said that I thought he wanted to get slipper socks and he stated yes he did, but he only wanted to get them from Wal-Mart.

Knowing him as well as I do, I knew he had a side purpose for wanting to go. He wanted to look at the toy section for more big cars. Now these cars are cool, I admit, but they also run from $15.00-$24.00. I have been working with him on a goal that he can only have these expensive cars once a month. When he didn’t want me to stop at the smaller store, I knew right a way it was the car section that was making him want to go to the larger store.

For the second time I explained quietly and nicely, that the answer was no. He began to raise his voice and cry harder, and the tremors were full force by now. I hate to say it folks, but I was beginning to get mad, not upset, mad.

If it is your young child throwing a fit, you can pick him up and remove him from the scene, but a big man, I can not do this. I told him to hush, to knock off the tears, that his game of throwing a fit was not going to work. I reminded him of where we were, and that people were staring at him, and reminded him that he didn’t like people to see his tremors so I was sure they did not want to hear him or see his tears.

He continued this bad behavior all through our meal. I snapped at him and told him that I was done being nice, that I was thinking of him when we decided to go out to eat, and I did not appreciate this bad treatment. So he stared at me with every bite he took. I was so angry at his fit, that I wanted to grab my supper and head for the safety of my car, but instead I snapped once more, and I picked up my ice water and told him if he did not cut the tears and zip his lips, I was going to have to splash him with my ice water, and then he says too loudly, that is abuse!

I got up and left my supper sit, and went to the car. I could see him from the front door as he sat there and ate, and he kept shaking his head back and forth, at the bad treatment he thought I was giving him. He is lucky, because what I wanted to do was pick him up and give him a spanking. Yep, I sure thought that. I don’t care how old he is, you don’t throw temper tantrums in public, when I am with you.

As I was sitting in the car watching him and waiting for him to finish, I looked up at the ceiling of my car and silently cried out, please someone help stop what is happening. I am tired, someone help me. If anyone listened nothing happened. He finished eating and put his jacket on, and came to the car and we came home. He is in his room sulking and crying and I am healing myself through blogging.