She was lying on her bed surrounded by green drab walls and dimly lit lights. Staring out the small window surrounded by dingy white curtains. Willing herself to die. Only days prior she had given up on her life.
Filled with tears spilling over her heart she cried. How had things went from joy to sorrow. She turned her head when she heard the knock at the door. The nurse came in and suddenly tears flowed from the bedridden patient‘s eyes.
The nurse sat her chart down and stepped close to the bed and took Allie’s hands in hers. “It’s going to be alright honey. I know you are hurting right now. But you are not alone deary. I am here and God is standing to the side of you”.
Tears poured from Allie’s eyes. “I feel all alone. No one cares about an old lady anymore. I just want to die. I have nothing to live for.”
“Oh please don’t talk like that dear one. Please don’t say those things. You’re going to make me start crying and how will that make me look when I go into the next patients room?”
The nurse checked the IV‘s hanging to see if the drip was still going at the correct proportion. She took Allie’s vitals and checked the entrance of her IV needle to make sure it wasn’t turning red or swelling.
“Are you comfortable little one? Do you want another blanket?” Allie shook her head no and then turned towards the lonely window again. As the nurse began to leave she said,” How about if I come back and sit with you after I get off of work this afternoon? Would you like that?” There was no response.
The room silenced again except for the occasional carts going down the hall. The television was on but she paid no attention. Every once in a while she would see a bird fly by.
She must have drifted off to sleep because when she came around she heard voices. She didn’t open her eyes but listened. Don’t we all wish we could change the way things end up in the end? It’s so sad when they are brought in here. By the time they arrive in this room it is just a matter of time.
I know what you mean. But the truth is that people just don’t know how to act or what to say at this stage. Their tongues get tongue-tied. They aren’t used to seeing their loved ones like this.
I know, I know, but it just isn’t right. These people shouldn’t be laying here dying all alone. It’s just a damn shame. I just want to shake the shit out of the families. This is one time that they need to step up to the plate and be here.
Allie laid there crying inside and out. She was so scared. Scared of dying alone. She didn’t want to leave her children and grandchildren behind and yet she couldn’t take the pain of barely seeing them.
The bell began chirping on her monitor. Nurses came running in. A call from the station was made over the intercom. Stat code blue room 200. Stat code blue doctor needed in room 200.
In only seconds Allie’s room was filled with quick-moving staff. Blood pressure was taken and noted. The doctor said in a take charge voice,”Get the cart and hurry”. For several minutes they worked competently trying to save this life.
God wasn’t ready to let her come home yet and she was saved. After the staff was assured she was stable they left with instructions that she be monitored every half hour.
Allie must have been dreaming. She dreamed that she was going to see Jesus. But when she opened her eyes the drab green welcomed her back once again. Please Lord, please hear my cry. I am ready to come home. Please don’t make me stay here.
The clock on the wall slowed down and minutes snailed by. A minister walked into the room and for a moment stood at the end of her bed. He wasn’t sure if she realized he was here. Allie’s head turned in his direction. She recognized him from her church. Maybe he was coming to tell her it was time.
“Hi Allie. I wanted to stop in and see how you are. I wondered if you would like me to pray with you.” She nodded and he walked to her side and took her hand and the two of them prayed together.
It seemed like doves came into the room as peace fell over her. The drab green room turned instantly to a pale blue. She thought she saw the curtains blowing gently in the breeze. She looked towards the ceiling and thought it seemed brighter.
The doves cooing gently rested around her body as if waiting their cue to lift her to the heavens. The minister laid her hand back on her blanket. He smiled at her and she returned it with words, ” I am ready.”
“We all love you Allie. You worked hard for the Lord. I believe you will be rewarded in heaven for all of your good deeds.”
Saying he would come back the next day he left her room. As she drifted in and out of this life she saw vivid colors of the rainbow. Stars shone brightly over her, forming a path for her walk home. Arms of loved ones were held out waiting for her.
Allie smiled and her last words spoken were,” I love you kids.”
She was gone. The nurse came in after her work shift and noticed what had happened. She walked over and turned the monitor off. She closed Allie’s lids and straightened the sheet and blanket neatly, pulling the covers up over her patient’s face.
She walked out of the door and leaning against the wall she wept. Good bye my dear friend. Thank-you for giving me a few moments to see what a beautiful person you were.
She dried her eyes with her arm and walked to the nurse’s station. Room 200, she just passed a way.
- Thank You Lord (planetsurfer.wordpress.com)
- An Odd Sunday Shift (thenurseintraining.wordpress.com)
- Brick wall. (lindseyconleysays.com)
- Language in Nursing Practice (nursemanifestblog.wordpress.com)
- Be encouraged, the Lord is with you and yours! (deweymoede.wordpress.com)
- It is the little things that matter (nursefirst.wordpress.com)
- Nurse refuses to perform CPR on dying woman (q13fox.com)
- Misery (wendythewanderer.wordpress.com)
- Tears (scarsupontheearth.com)