Licking My Wounds
Well, I met Alat the bus and as I was pushing him up the ramp, I told him I had a…
Well, I met Al at the bus and as I was pushing him up the ramp, I told him I had a big surprise for him. He didn’t say anything.
I got him inside and pushed him up to the waiting cars. He said,”Wow, are these for me?” I said yes and I know I was dancing like little pigs and I was smiling from ear to ear. He looked at them but didn’t touch any. I talked to him about them but he said nothing. I asked him if I could take his picture holding one and he said yes. I placed one in his hand and snapped the two photos above.
That was it, it was over, all done with , dance gone. I guess I am in denial. I expected the old Al. I want to pretend somewhere deep in my mind that he really isn’t that sick. He is just a little sick.
I thought I was adjusted, but I guess not. Al liked the cars, I am sure of it, but me, I crumbled inside because he wasn’t dancing that pig dance with me. There were no big grins or laughter, no spark in his eye. I asked him three times before I got that smile you see, and as soon as the snap was done, the smile left.
I pushed him to the new clock and he looked at it. He asked a couple of questions and then it was gone too.
I wanted to sit down and cry. I want my old Al back. I want to hear the chatter and the laughter again. I pushed him up to the table and he waited for his supper. I gave him Kiwi for the first time. He hesitated but he did eat it. I think he could take it or leave it. I had a pork chop and he is refusing meats unless they are mushy. He also doesn’t want me to puree them either. He says they look funny.
So he had a hot dog cut up with ketchup, mashed potatoes, cut-up tomatoes, and hominy. He ate the hominy, tomatoes and kiwi because he could use his fingers. He ate two bites of mashed potatoes but since he had to use silver ware, he gave up because he was too weak to use the utensils.
I was reading the Hospice book today on signs of someone in their last six months. I hated it so much that I recognized a few of Al in the symptoms. Al used to drink a lot, but anymore he drinks less than half of what I pour. His appetite is definitely down, which the book said thirst and appetite decline as the body does. It also said not to force them or to shame them if they don’t eat well.
After supper I asked him, “Do you want to go back over to the couch and play with your cars?”
“No, I want to brush my teeth and go to bed.”
Well that was that. Somehow I have got to get my mind in the right setting because I am sitting here licking my wounds expecting more but receiving less.
I guess I will look at the positive in this. He is here with me at home. He ate and drank some. He did the smile for the camera. He waved at me when he saw me from the bus when they were letting him down on the lift.
Look at this award! I am a Hot Potato tonight!
I think I should feel pretty lucky about this, shouldn’t I?
Doesn’t everyone love potatoes? Fried, baked, mashed, twice baked, french fried, boiled, potato chips. It is the number one side dish that we all love but are too afraid to eat anymore because of carbs.
I have this thing about carbs. I am a diabetic, so I am supposed to watch my carbs and sugars, and salts, and fats. Geesh! I guess I can eat nothing that is good, but lettuce.
I can remember back to my grandparents and even my husband’s grandparents, and see that their number one side dish was potatoes almost every single day. Plus they had meat, and vegetables and even desserts! I realize they worked harder than we do in the present life, but their foods were without chemicals, while ours are loaded. I am no scientist, but there is some connection here between chemicals, added weight, and cancers.
Oh sorry, I am supposed to be giving thanks for my award. So sorry, got sidetracked, once the mouth started drooling over the thought of nice hot buttery mashed potatoes.
The wonderful thing about this award also is, you don’t have to do anything, just accept it!
No hidden things about you to tell, no certain number of nominees. How much easier could it be?
I am going to nominate a few though, because if you are like me, you enjoy a good potato also!
So, drum roll please, louder, applause, whistles for:
Make sure to go check out Julie at the link above. She is wonderful. She and I share family members who suffer from Parkinson’s Disease.
Thank you Julie!