Lord I Need Time


Why is it sometimes life

Does not seem fair

We do everything right

We take truths instead of dares

 

The ones who wrong and run a way

Escape the price to pay

And then tigersthere are others who stay and fight

Not knowing any other way

 

And then along comes the news

The one we can only dread

It throws emotions back and forth

It weighs and dulls our head

 

We really aren’t as tough you know

We can be taken down

All it takes is one wrong word

To send us to the ground

 

I am not on a poor me trip

I admit I have a bit of fear

Now that it is most likely I have

What my brother has had for years

 

So I come to you dear Lord above

I come to you and pray

Please let me finish my care for him

Let me be sick another day

 

For I have seen the tremors too

Going on for sometime now

I ask you Lord to hold off on me

I come to you and bow

 

Please let me be safe and free from harm

Give me strength to see him through

Then Lord you can take me and have my all

And do what you need to do.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

08/30/2013

The Battle


I don’t know how the body works. I can’t figure out how you can take such high doses of medications, guaranteed to make you go to sleep land, but it doesn’t happen. This was my brother last evening.

He had only an hour and a half sleep the night before. He was a wake all day long except a small cat nap. He was wired. Not from the medications but from the tremors.Butterfly-butterflies-9186479-500-500 He was like a beautiful butterfly never-resting. Visiting each flower, never stopping, never staying.

As I sat there watching him I suddenly got angry. Some of you may agree with what I am about to say. Yet others will think bull crap. No matter, I have to write what I believe. I realized the fight that was going on for Al and me.

Not only are we fighting this terrible M.S.A. we are fighting the dignity battle, the loss of what one was able to do and still remember it. The depression that kicks in, lack of eating. I could go on and on but why bore you.

What I realized is there was someone outside our box that was having a kick-ass good time at Al and my expense. There was a thing, a person, a particle that was interrupting our lives and it dawned on me it was none other than Satan.satan

I had to look outside the box. I had to get the best picture my brain could focus on.

There is a lot of talk about God in our house. Heaven and death are mentioned multiple times throughout the day. Al is getting closer to meeting God and Satan is throwing a fit.

How do we fight Satan? How do we not give in when we can barely understand something we have never seen? Faith, yes, this is the answer. The word of reading God’s word brings us strength in God.

People praying is another way to remain strong. Al and I have people all over the world praying. Oh Satan you just don’t like this party you have attended do you? Admit it, you have had your grasp on us so many times, but it is frightening you right now.

You can feel it, you can see it, that God is going to win this one. You will be the big loser you filthy beast. You will rot in hell as you have been promised.

Al was staring at me and I kept asking him what was it that he needed. He didn’t answer. He would just tremor, cry and look into my eyes. God must have whispered in my ear, or one of our angels was near me.AnimatedAngel

I got up and went and got my Bible. I brought it back to Al’s bedroom.

Silently I prayed to God. I can’t remember which verses Lord  I need to be reading in order to help Al. Please take over and help me flip to the right verses. Thank-you God ahead of time for answering this prayer.

I started with a couple of Psalms that I had been told about by a blogging friend.

Then I started flipping to pages and would come across a verse here and there that I thought may help.

I read to Al for about fifteen minutes. I stopped after the last verse and looked up at Al and he was quiet. His tremors were at rest. His head was even laying against the pillow. He was on his back looking peaceful and asleep.

I laid my bible down and looked at the clock. It was almost 1:00. God had helped me to find the way to bring rest for Al. It seemed to easy, and it probably was if I would have just considered my options.

Instead, I had been stressing about how I was going to get some sleep. I am not going to lie. I am tired as I read this. Way before the sun could begin to rise Al called out to me. But, thanks to God I had a few hours of sleep instead of one.

Life is new today. Al and I will have battles to fight. But for three hours during the wee hours of the night, the war between Satan and God was over. There was peace and rest. God had lowered a soft covering of closed eyes. He had blanketed Al with sleep dust and we slept.

Thank-you Lord for carrying us through the night. I know you are always here if I would just ask you will do everything for our good. I get too wrapped up in my earthly body. I stress and I probably will stress again. I cry out and I know I will continue. I hurt and I am tired, but so is Al. We are creatures that do not deserve your love Lord, but you give it to me any ways. Thank-you for dying on that cross for Al and me.

After I Said Good Night


My brother is crying
I can see his fear
I just left his bed
And closed his door with my tears
body-cry-crying-depression-Favim.com-823931
He was asking lots of questions
About what heaven is like
He wants to take his coke items with him
I told him to please do it would not be a sin

We talked about him running
And walking and no pain
He asked if he could drive again
And I told him to just say when

The questions went on
And his tears fell deep
I fell to my knees and I began to weep

I prayed for my brother
To be released from all pain
I told God he could have him
That Al would surely gain

Yet I prayed for a moment
A selfish prayer I did
Because I love my brother
And there will never be another
Like him.

Written by Terry Shepherd

Keeping My Fingers Crossed


I have written about Al so much lately. I have told you about the terrible Friday through Sunday evening weekend Al had of suffering from his M.S.A.

What I didn’t tell you is that I had a little bit of a melt down Saturday night, alone in my bedroom. I had climbed the ladder and got to the step that said,”We Won”. When Al got so sick those few days, I came crashing down to the bottom step which said,”Get Real”

I had seen with my own eyes how wonderful Al had been the past several days. I quickly let myself believe that our prayers had been answered. So many prayers from a lot of you. God answers prayers and he answered mine.

But then he got worse. I have since learned from Hospice that this will be a common thing. The Hospice nurse told me today that he will have more good days then bad in the beginning and later more bad than good.

So when she and I talked today and I learned that he had an excellent day, I turned around to see if anyone was watching or listening. When I saw Al carrying on a conversation, drinking his pop, and smiling, I swear my heart burst straight out of my chest cavity.

Then I suddenly stopped and remembered back to last weekend when I had my melt down. I thanked God for today being a great day for Al, but I am staying on the step that says get real. The step above it says” Be Happy”. The next step says,” Live for today, enjoy what is in it. Don’t look ahead, just yet.”

So for today I am so happy for Al. I am just keeping my fingers crossed that it last for a few more days.butterflies