Chapter 4


A picture of a door handle.

Laurie and Jane walked to the clinic, and both girls stood outside for a minute. Jane said, ” I don’t know if I really want to do this. What if I find out I am pregnant? What will I do then”? Laurie put her arm around her friend and said  in a matter of fact tone, ” And what if you find out you are not? We won’t know until we go in there. Now come on silly girl, let’s get this over”!

Jane timidly placed her hand on the door handle and both girls walked in. Jane  went to the seats that were in the waiting room and sat. Laurie went to the receptionist window and announced her friend’s name.

Sally, the  receptionist handed her a clipboard with some white pages attached to it, and  said, ” Have your friend fill these out, and then have her bring them back to me”. Laurie took them from her and walked over to where Jane was sitting and handed her the paperwork.

Jane filled out the paper work, while Laurie rambled on in Jane’s ear. After finishing the required forms, Jane slowly walked up to the window, and as she handed her the completed file, the receptionist asked,” Do you have any insurance Jane”? Jane nodded no, and the receptionist noted this on her file, then asked, ” Do you have any cash on you? This visit will cost ten dollars”.

Jane again nodded no, and then Laurie appeared at her side, and whipped out a ten-dollar bill, and said,” Here is the money, now it is paid”. With this being done, the receptionist told them to have a seat, that they would be called next.

The two girls went back to where they had been sitting, and Laurie started talking about what they were going to do once they left here. They could go to the park, or maybe go get something to eat, but the words fell on empty ears, as Jane was in her own world at the moment.

The announcement was made, a young lady was calling Jane’s name. Jane stood up to go and looked back at her friend. She grabbed a hold of her hand, and said, ” Come with me, I don’t want to go in there alone”. With this the two girls went through the door separating them from the waiting room and the doctor.

They only waited a moment, and then Beth, the nurse walked in. She looked at the two girls and asked, “Which one of you is the patient”? Jane replied, ” I am”. With this being decided, the nurse took Jane’s temperature, and listened to her heart. She made some notations on the new file for Jane. She then reached up into the glass cupboard doors, and grabbed a plastic cup. She took it to Jane and said, ” I need you to take this cup and go into the bathroom. When you pull your panties down, you will see some disposable wipes. Wipe yourself from front to back, and then urinate in the cup. Then leave the cup on the back of the stool, and I will come in and get it”.

Jane’s face turned bright red, as she did not usually talk about going to the bathroom. She took the cup from Beth, and walked across the hall, doing what she had been told to do. Soon she walked back in and told the nurse she was finished, and then the nurse disappeared out of the room.

The two girls sat there quietly. They looked the room over, standing up and walking to each picture hanging on the wall, and looking through the glass cupboard doors at all the strange things sitting in there.

Soon the door opened and this time it was not Beth, but instead if was a doctor. He introduced himself as Doctor Bill, and he took the file of Jane’s and sat it on the counter top, reading the results.

He looked at the girls, and asked, ” Which one of you is Jane”? Jane rose her hand half-way, and the doctor asked, ” Do  your parents know that you are here”? Jane shook her head no. The doctor continued, ” You may want to explain to them where you have been, because the test results for pregnancy are positive. You can have your parents call me if they have any questions”.

Jane’s eyes began to water, and Laurie sat dumbfounded. The doctor walked over to where Jane was sitting and shook her hand and wished her good luck in her future. Doctor Bill then opened the door and closed it behind him, leaving the girls to sit there and digest the news.

Beth came back into the room, and sat in the empty chair beside the girls. She handed Jane some pamphlets explaining childbirth. Jane started to look through them, but when she came to the second page, and saw the diagram of a uterus, she closed the pages.

The nurse explained to Jane that she  had options. She said,” Not every woman is always ready for raising  a child. If, after you talk to your parents about this, and you decide you do not want to keep your baby, there is always adoption”. Beth handed her another handbook, that explained the process of adoption, and then asked Jane if she had any questions, and Jane nodded no.

With the conversation being ended, Beth led the two girls back out through the door, and said,” If you need someone to talk to or have any questions, just come back and see me Jane. I know this is going to be a tough decision for you, and there will be many changes in your life”.

Jane gave a small smile, and turned and walked through the exit door. The two girls went immediately to the soda fountain. They found a booth towards the back of the restaurant. The lights were dim,  and no one sat this close to the door that led to the kitchen. The girls could talk here in private.

Chapter 3


Human embryo at six weeks gestational age

The next morning brought a rush to the bathroom, seeing a girl bent over the toilet throwing up. She finished and got up and looked in the mirror and looking at her reflection, she knew that she was pregnant.

How was she going to tell her mom and dad? How was she going to tell Henry? She washed her face off and went back to her bedroom and laid down on her bed. She didn’t want to live, she just wanted to lay here and die. What had she done to herself?

Fear took over and she began to weep. She buried her head in her hands and cried until there were no more tears to come. She rolled over on her side and reached down with her hand and touched her belly. Nothing felt different, she didn’t feel anything, but inside she knew.

She didn’t know what to do, where to go. Were her parents going to kick her out of the house? Where would she live? Maybe she could get rid of this baby. The first thing she needed to do was find out if indeed, she was really pregnant.

She got up off the bed and got dressed, and went to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. Maybe she would drink two cups, maybe that would make this thing growing inside of her, go away. She sat at the table thinking what she should do next, and then decided to walk over to her friend’s house to seek some advice.

Finishing her one cup she headed over to her friends and knocked on the back door. Laurie’s mother answered the door with a big smile, letting her in, and telling her that Laurie was in her room, cleaning. Jane thanked her and walked towards her friend’s bedroom door and knocked. She heard a voice saying come in, so she opened the door and shutting it behind her, she went over and sat on the bed.

Laurie turned her radio down, and went over and plopped herself on the bed beside her and said,” What’s up? What have you been doing with yourself? I didn’t see you too much yesterday.”

With hearing these words, Jane broke down in tears again, and Laurie put her arms around her and said,” Hey, no matter what’s happening, it can’t be that bad. Tell me what’s going on? Did you and your mom have a fight?”

Jane looked up at her friend and quieted her sobbing long enough to tell Laurie, she just knew she had blown it. She knew that she was in big trouble, she was  pretty sure she was pregnant.

Laurie dropped her arms from around her friend, and stood up, walking over to her vanity and sitting down, looking at herself in the mirror, and asking Jane, “Are you sure? Have you gone to the doctor?” Jane shook her head saying no she had not seen a doctor. How could she go to a doctor? Wouldn’t the doctor call her mom and tell her?

Laurie stated as if she was an expert on the topic, ” No, doctors can’t say a word to anyone. They have some code or something that makes them keep their mouths quiet. Your mom and dad will never know. What you need to do girl, is get an appointment, and find out for sure. Here you are falling apart, and you don’t even know for sure!”

She walked over to her bed again and sat down with Jane, and opened up her bedside table drawer, and pulled out the phone book. She looked at Jane and asked, Who is your doctor? Do you want to go to the doctor that your parents go to, or do you want to go to someone who don’t know you?”

Jane thought it over for a second, and then said, ” What do you think the doctor will do to me? Is he going to make me get undressed? Do you think he will look down there?” Laurie laughed and said, ” No silly, you will go into the doctor’s office, and just pee in a cup. Then they do some kind of test with it, using a bunny, and if the bunny dies, you are pregnant, and if the bunny lives, this is a false alarm!”

Jane thought for a quick second, and then said, ” Well, if that is all that is going to happen, then let’s go to that clinic over on West Main Street. No one will know me there, and I can pee in a cup just as easy there as I could in front of my own doctor.”

Laurie thought that was a cool idea and said, “Hey, they are open today, and I don’t think you need an appointment. Go back to your house and put some clothes on that make you look older, then come back here. While you are gone, I will change my clothes too. We want to go in there looking like we know what we are doing, right?” Jane nodded and stood up and Laurie walked her to the door. Jane turned to Laurie and gave her a big hug and told her thanks for being her friend, and to please not say anything to her  mom about this, and Laurie, crossed her two fingers and promised, she would not say a word.

With this Jane ran back over to her house, and the two girls were busy now trying to make themselves look a few years older. After Laurie felt confident she looked her best, she went and found her mom, and said that Jane had to run some errands for her mom, and was it alright if she went with her.

Her mom said it was fine, and to have a good time, and to stay out of trouble. Laurie promised and went back to her room to wait for her friend. It took a while, but soon Jane was knocking on the door, and when Laurie opened the door, she stood there staring at Jane, and said,” Wow, girl, you look so cool! No one would know that you were only 16!”

Chapter 2


English: A bowl of Raisin Bran cereal shown in...

Jane tried to get up again, and ended up running to the bathroom and throwing up in the toilet. She sat down on the cold floor after finishing and sat there, her mind whirling, as she had heard that this could be the signs of being knocked up.

Her mom was going to kill her if she was, so she kept it a secret, that she had just puked. After sitting there for a bit, she staggered up and washed her face in cold water, ran a brush through her hair, and brushed the nasty taste out of her mouth.

She walked back into her room, and sat on the bed. Was she pregnant, oh God, she couldn’t be pregnant. They had only fooled around one time, and you couldn’t get pregnant after only one time, could you?

She laid back down on her bed again, and pulled her covers up, telling herself she would just lay here until everything on the inside was nice and calm again. When she woke up it was an hour later. She sat up and felt fine, no bad or sick feelings, so she figured it must have been something she had eaten last night. Nope, she wasn’t pregnant. Wow, what a relief that was.

She got up and got dressed and went into the kitchen and poured herself a bowl of Raisin Bran, and dumping some sugar and milk over it, she took the bowl and went over to the table and sat down to eat. As she was eating her mom walked into the kitchen and started the coffee maker.

Lighting a cigarette, she went over and sat down beside Jane and asked her if she had a good time last night with that guy named Henry. Between bites, Jane mumbled yes, it was alright. Her mom asked when she got home, and Jane said around ten, and with that the conversation ended, and her mom went and poured herself a cup of coffee.

Jane got up and took her bowl to the sink, and ran some water inside of it and then left the kitchen and went back to her room. She turned on her record player, playing her forty-fives and sat down at her vanity and put her make-up on and tried experimenting with her hair.

In the end, she didn’t like anything she had done with her hair, so she pulled it up and put a rubber band in it, forming a pony tail, and with that she walked over and flipped the record player off, and went outside.

She went down to the lake to see if there was anyone there she knew, and seeing a couple of girls, she went over and joined the group. They hung out for a while, and then Jane saw Henry and left the two saying she had a good time, see you later.

Henry gave her a good squeeze and asked her what she wanted do today, and Jane came back with she didn’t care, whatever he wanted to do. He grabbed her hand and the two walked the beach, kicking their feet in the sand, stopping every once in a while, to hug and kiss. They walked and then found a grassy area, hidden behind a bunch of rocks.

The two sat down on the grass and looked out over the lake and then they looked at each other, and then they found themselves lying in the grass, touching and feeling each other, kissing and hugging. Not being able to stand the inner crying anymore, they got up and walked back to his car, and he drove them to a quiet spot on the other side of the lake and the two had sex.

Afterwards, they both realized they were hungry, so he drove them to a fast diner, and pulled up and parked. The two walked in and ordered a burger, fries and shake. They sat down and waited for their order, and then began eating like they had never eaten before. The food was so good, that conversation was small and soon they were finished eating, and they got back in his car and went back to the lake.

They ran into the crowd that they hung out with and they all played frisbee, and swam, and just had a fun day with no thoughts for tomorrow. Before anyone realized it, it was getting supper time, so they said their see you later, and they all drifted off in their own direction.

Henry drove Jane home and dropped her off in front of her house, and giving her a kiss, he watched her go to the door and then he drove off. Jane walked in and sat down in the living room. Jane,  her mom, was sitting there  watching the television, and Dave, her dad was nowhere to be seen.

Debbie asked Jane if she had a good day, but didn’t look at her for an answer, but went back to her television program. Jane didn’t answer but instead went into the kitchen to see what was going to be for supper. Nothing was laid out on the kitchen counter, and so she opened the refrigerator door and looked at the half-gallon of milk, and some orange juice.

She went back into the living room and asked her mom what was for dinner, and Debbie replied that she hadn’t really thought about it. She looked up at the clock on the wall and asked Jane if she was hungry already, and Jane shrugged her shoulders. With her mom not making any move to fix food, she wandered back into the kitchen and looked in the cupboards, and grabbed some crackers and a Twinkie, and took this back to her bedroom. She guessed this would be her supper for the night.

What a mom she had, stuck in a television box and not caring about anything going on around her. Her dad was probably already at the local bar, getting drunk. This was a screwed up family, Jane thought to herself. She wished she had a different set of parents, someone who gave a crap about her.

After eating her supper, she went back into the living room and her mom was still sitting in the same spot. Jane sat down and tried to get interested in the dumb game show mom was watching, but grew bored quickly, so she got up and walked outside to sit on the porch steps.

She needed a new life, a new adventure. Why was she the only one on the block that had a boring life? Why couldn’t she live in the house across the street where those parents seemed involved with their own two kids. She always saw them getting in the car together and going places. Their lives had to be better than her own life.

Bored from sitting , she got up and walked back in the house, and went to her room, turned her radio on and changed into her night-gown and got into bed.

Mellow


And May You Stay Forever Young...

Al woke up today in a fairly good mood. I didn’t see any frowns or grins, no chatter and no tears. I call it the mellow stage. He ate his breakfast and then I washed him up and made his bed, and emptied the commode.

He then came out on the couch and sat down, and soon the first therapist arrived. She  makes Al work hard, I think, and although no words are spoken, I can tell he is not a happy camper.

When she is getting ready to go to her next patient, he takes her back to his bedroom and   they’re talking for several moments. I could not tell what was being said, but I could hear voices. When they came out, he sat back down, and I walked her to the door and followed her outside, asking her if he was alright, and she said he is just sad.

Just sad, do you know how much I hate those two little words? The last time I really saw him in an excellent mood was back in May at his big birthday party.  I told her good-bye, and said we would see her next week.

He stayed this way from then until now and is still the same. The second therapist came, and she works harder at trying to get Al to smile then any exercises. I think she was taking a mental break from his teary eyes, and asked me what I do, and I told her I write, and she asks what do you write. I just happened to have the poem here that I wrote last evening called, Dedicated To My Brother, and I offered it to her if she would care for a sample of my writings.

I heard her make a small moan from her throat and then I saw two tears run down her face. She handed it back to me, and said she loved it and that I should publish it. I blushed, as I always do when I get a compliment, and said thank you.

She then turned back to Al and I actually left then. I got in my car and ran to the bank real quick and then went and got gas. I had forgotten how quickly I can do things when you are not waiting on someone else to get out of the car etc.

When I returned, I asked Al what kind of exercises he had done and he said something I didn’t recognize and so I asked again, and he said he didn’t know. The therapist laughed and told me what they were called, and I asked Al if he enjoyed them and he didn’t say anything.

The rest of the time she was here, she tried kidding with him and doing her best to get a smile on his face. He just wasn’t budging, in fact he was going on to her about how he felt like he was worthless to everyone around him. She went on to try to pump him up and tell him all that he could still do, the same things that I try also day after day, but there was nothing. He stared at his lap with no tears and no expression.

I almost think I would rather have him yelling at me then to see this face. All I can do is to remember the neurologist said last week, that the part of the brain that connects with feelings is gone……………………