Figuring It Out
Maybe, I know for me I have one vision that I dream about and one that just pops into my head when ever it feels like. One of them I know it is very possible that I saw this area in my year in Germany. The other vision I am not sure if I lived it or I wished it.
The one I think about often only comes to me in my dreams. A red-circle, brick walking path. I always see the same dream each time. A cement round bench with a big shade tree in the middle.
I always vision Germans walking and riding their bikes. Sunny days with my first-born in her over-sized carriage sitting on the bench smiling and enjoying my view. I don’t actually remember this place in my waking hours. I don’t ever remember being a way from my husband long enough to have that much time to myself.
I can remember taking her for many walks, strolling the store fronts, a time of peace and happy times. Oh don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband very much. He was in the military and in the warm months I took her on many walks; but being by myself and not doing for others was always a joy I cherished.
The other vision I have but, usually in my waking hours is the little white house with the picket fence. It looks pretty much like this photo I borrowed from the internet.
I can’t imagine I ever got to live in something this nice and adorable with the kind of life I had as a very young child. I have a sneaky feeling that the child in me wishes that I had lived that simple life.
My parents were young when I was born. Being young doesn’t make a good mix for remaining married and this was my case. Parental kidnapping and divorce, fights and too much of the bottle makes me believe that house never existed.
I don’t sit and ponder on this, but just like today I was sitting here eating my breakfast. Prior to that I was feeding Al and changing his bedding, bathing him and brushing my teeth. I can remember thinking I wish I could eat my breakfast too.
When I made my breakfast and was sitting here at the computer with Hallmark Christmas movies on, and eating my eggs and toast, the little white house appeared in my mind once again.
I decided I needed to figure out what it was that brought that image back again and again. Now that I look back at my words I have some fuzzy ideas. It must have something to do with that vision of Germany. A mixture of a happy childhood, comfort of a home with happy faces all around. It makes sense.
But accepting what happened as a child and letting the visions drop seems to be another issue. I realize also that when I face these visions I find myself with tears of sadness. I guess for what once never was, and hoping it did exist.
I didn’t ask to be born or taken from my home. The only time I got to decide and make choices for me alone was when I moved out from the family home. When we are young we see so many scenes in different views.
When we get older we get to go back. With age and habitual living we sometimes have regrets. For me I have regrets of a life I had no choices to make. I do see the positive though in my past life.
I worked much harder at letting my children see that I loved them. Telling them how I feel about them is high on my priority list. Spending time on the phone or in person is so important to me.
So I think in the end, a little tidbit of more information is these thoughts, visions and dreams come when I am feeling the most alone.
Alright, now that I have figured a little more of me out, what do I do with this new information? I don’t know yet.
I didn’t know what I was going to write about when I first looked at this picture. For Picture it & Write we look at the photo given to us and write about it.
Part of the reason we write about it is to expand our imaginations. We also exercise our brain, and I am going to be honest here and state that I love to share what I have written to the hostess of the site.
It is like giving a gift to your child and then watching with excitement as they open it. To see their excitement and be able to share in their squeals of delights is probably one of the biggest high lights of giving gifts.
When I read that this writing exercise has become too big, which is what you dream of when you begin a blogging site such as this, it was with great sadness that I read that some writers post that are written for this particular exercise will not be shared with the hostess.
This made me sad, so there fore in letting you know that first off, I am so happy for you that your dream of this has become a reality for you, a big congratulations. For not being able to have the time to read each of these makes me sad like the photo you introduced.
A Break For Me
I went to bed again early last evening. I am having trouble keeping light and cheery. Nightmares or…
I went to bed again early last evening. I am having trouble keeping light and cheery. Nightmares or maybe strange dreams happened. I remember one where I was married to Al’s facility and I was fighting for a divorce. Strange, huh.
This morning after a midnight storm I decided that since Al was going on his outing I would go to the park and snap some photos. It seems like there is nothing right now that brings comfort and tranquility to me like my camera.
I am not even good at it but I still enjoy it.
Here is what I saw through my eyes.
Last night I had dreams or some
May call them nightmares
Wicked things of death
But with no names
I tried my best to
Stay so busy today
But now it is dark
And I am alone
Sitting here with my thoughts
And I touch my cheeks
And I feel the warmth of tears
Falling gently from my eyes
You are still here for me to see
But my mind is preparing me
For something I don’t want to face
I want you to know
That you mean the world to me
Made from the same genes
I am your sister
You are my brother
How can one go on
Without the other
I can’t know your pain
But I feel your heart
When I look into your eyes
And you are begging me why
Is this happening to me
I can only look at you bud
And tell you I love you
I will always love you
And be here until
There is never more.
Here is some information about this blog.
Hi, thanks for taking the time to get to know me!
I’ve been working in the area of substance abuse since 2006 and assessment and diagnosis since 2007.
I spent a year working in both an inpatient and outpatient substance abuse facility and three years working in a psychiatric hospital.
I currently work in an inner-city high school providing individual, group and family counseling. I also work in private practice dealing mostly with adolescents and their families dealing with various challenges.
My theoretical orientation is eclectic with strong influences from cognitive behavioral, existential, rational behavioral, motivational interviewing, and acceptance & commitment therapy.
I am an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction books. I also enjoy working out, writing, photography and drawing in my spare time.
Thank- you so much Torey.
Nominations are for;
When you think you got it going on
And it has all been figured out
A tap on your shoulder does appear
To let you know you are no way near.
Of knowing life and what it brings
Surprises come along behind the dreams
You can not worry bout tomorrow
So bring on the smile and give up the sorrow.
We have to live life for the moment
And not confide in days to come
Yesterday is gone, and yonder is incomplete
So savor the moment and get rid of defeat.
Thank you Kellie for giving me a chance to explore my mind with this exercise prompt.
Stars twinkling, racing from above ore across the skies. Taking dreams of my tomorrows with them. Lights bouncing from tree to tree, allowing my mind to jump to where I can not see.
Mystical thoughts enter my mind as I ponder on what tomorrow may hold.
Thoughts of your arms around me, kissing me gently on the lips is what I for see for you and me.
A walk under the moonlight, two lovers holding hands, walking step by step into never ever land. Stopping under the old oak tree to still a kiss, which is only seen by the sounds of the nights.
A dream of love never escapes my mind, and I know if I dream long enough, it will certainly come true, for all fairy tales have happy endings, and so mine will also.
I wish for strong hands, and broad shoulders to cover me in love, protecting me from all the dangers in this cruel world. I wish for a head to lean mine next to. A lap to sit upon and whisper sweet nothings in to your ear.
As you place the soft blanket under the mysterious trees, and you gently take my hands and help me down to the softness of the grass, you raise my head up, placing your lips next to mine, devouring my love that I so freely give to you. The branches from the trees reach out like arms and hide us from the view of all others, protecting our moment that is to be shared only by the two of us, and swaying in the winds, leaves gently fall around us, mixing in with our droplets of love.
You tell me you love me, and you will never want another, and I believe each word escaped from your lips. Tears fall from my very own eyes, and the misty eyes drink in your sight as you caress each place I glide your hands to.
To be in love is what I whisper to the stars, to be safe with you is a hunger that is always needing to be nourished. I long for this, and so I come here tonight, to tell the gods of my yearning, and I can see your silhouette carved in the knots on the trees.
I walk back to where my journey started and I leave my secrets sheltered among the forest, and I planted a dream, which will grow like wild flowers, and one day soon will sprout buds that with love and nurturing, will soon be nothing but a dream