Figuring It Out

How powerful is our mind? Have you ever thought maybe you did something at some point in your life but you aren’t positive? Can our minds play tricks on our memories?

Maybe, I know for me I have one vision that I dream about and one that just pops into my head when ever it feels like. One of them I know it is very possible that I saw this area in my year in Germany. The other vision I am not sure if I lived it or I wished it.

The one I think about often only comes to me in my dreams. A red-circle, brick walking path. I always see the same dream each time. A cement round bench with a big shade tree in the  middle.

I always vision Germans walking and riding their bikes. Sunny days with my first-born in her over-sized carriage sitting on the bench smiling and enjoying my view. I don’t actually remember this place in my waking hours. I don’t ever remember being a way from my husband long enough to have that much time to myself.

I can remember taking her for many walks, strolling the store fronts, a time of peace and happy times. Oh don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband very much. He was in the military and in the warm months I took her on many walks;  but being by myself and not doing for others was always a joy I cherished.

The other vision I have but, usually in my waking hours is the little white house with the picket fence. It looks pretty much like this photo I borrowed from the internet.white house

I can’t imagine I ever got to live in something this nice and adorable with the kind of life I had as a very young child. I have a sneaky feeling that the child in me wishes that I had lived that simple life.

My parents were young when I was born. Being young doesn’t make a good mix for remaining married and this was my case. Parental kidnapping and divorce, fights and too much of the bottle makes me believe that house never existed.

I don’t sit and ponder on this, but just like today I was sitting here eating my breakfast. Prior to that I was feeding Al and changing his bedding, bathing him and brushing my teeth. I can remember thinking I wish I could eat my breakfast too.

When I made my breakfast and was sitting here at the computer with Hallmark Christmas movies on, and eating my eggs and toast, the little white house appeared in my mind once again.

I decided I needed to figure out what it was that brought that image back again and again. Now that I look back at my words I have some fuzzy ideas. It must have something to do with that vision of Germany. A mixture of a happy childhood, comfort of a home with happy faces all around. It makes sense.

But accepting what happened as a child and letting the visions drop seems to be another issue. I realize also that when I face these visions I find myself with tears of sadness. I guess for what once never was, and hoping it did exist.

I didn’t ask to be born or taken from my home. The only time I got to decide and make choices for me alone was when I moved out from the family home. When we are young we see so many scenes in different views.

When we get older we get to go back. With age and habitual living we sometimes have regrets. For me I have regrets of a life I had no choices to make. I do see the positive though in my past life.

I worked much harder at letting my children see that I loved them. Telling them how I feel about them is high on my priority list. Spending time on the phone or in person is so important to me.

So I think in the end, a little tidbit of more information is these thoughts, visions and dreams come when I am feeling the most alone.

Alright, now that I have figured a little more of me out, what do I do with this new information? I don’t know yet.

Picture it & Write/ Ermiliablog

http://ermiliablog.wordpress.comcolored eyepictureitandwrite2copy-1

I didn’t know what I was going to write about when I first looked at this picture. For Picture it & Write we look at the photo given to us and write about it.

Part of the reason we write about it is to expand our imaginations. We also exercise our brain, and I am going to be honest here and state that I love to share what I have written to the hostess of the site.

It is like giving a gift to your child and then watching with excitement as they open it. To see their excitement and be able to share in their squeals of delights is probably one of the biggest high lights of giving gifts.

When I read that this writing exercise has become too big, which is what you dream of when you begin a blogging site such as this, it was with great sadness that I read that some writers  post that are written for this particular exercise will not be shared with the hostess.

This made me sad, so there fore in letting you know that first off, I am so happy for you that your dream of this has become a reality for you, a big congratulations. For not being able to have the time to read each of these makes me sad like the photo you introduced.

Until Never More

English: Start of a long road

Last night I had dreams or some

May call them nightmares

Wicked things of death

But with no names

I tried my best to

Stay so busy today

But now it is dark

And I am alone

Sitting here with my thoughts

And I touch my cheeks

And I feel the warmth of tears

Falling gently from my eyes

You are still here for me to see

But my mind is preparing me

For something I don’t want to face

I want you to know

That you mean the world to me

Made from the same genes

I am your sister

You are my brother

How can one go on

Without the other

I can’t know your pain

But I feel your heart

When I look into your eyes

And you are begging me why

Is this happening to me

I can only look at you bud

And tell you I love you

I will always love you

And be here until

There is never more.

Terry Shepherd


very Inspiring Blogger Award

has nominated me for this award.very-inspiring-blogger-award

Here is some information about this blog.

  1. I am a lousy dancer. I can’t dance. That always seems to amaze people and I am always amazed that they thought I could dance in the first place! After all, I don’t think I even look coordinated or graceful enough to dance.
  2. I love animals of all kind. I have a dog and a cat, but have had ducks, chickens, turtles, hamsters, parakeets and iguanas as a child. I’ve been bitten by many different animals, including a snake (I had socks on my hands for protection lol) and even a mole!
  3. I have a hard time letting go of things, including items, relationships and even jobs, which often keeps me holding on to things far too long.
  4. I’ve been known to cry during emotional movies, speeches and music although I typically hide it because I am usually the only one tearing up, but I get that from my mother.
  5. I am very unorganized in everything I do, including thinking! It’s the artist in me, I know it. I live in chaos which is usually okay and helps sparks creativity,  except when people around me expect me to be organized.
  6. I fell in love with books during the 8th grade when I was harassing a girl I liked and took her book. I meant to give it back, but never did. I got bored one day and started reading it and that was it! I became an avid reader from that day forward even when reading books that weren’t assigned to you wasn’t considered cool for boys.
  7. I got into psychology through my writing. I love to write, especially fiction and I used to go to the bookstore and read psychology books to try to create better, more dynamic characters, and I took my first psychology courses in college for the same reason. I was planning on being an English major, but I ended up falling in love with psychology

About Me

Torey Richards, LMHC

Hi, thanks for taking the time to get to know me!

I am a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) in the state of Florida currently specializing in substance abuse, mental disorders and adolescent mental health.

I’ve been working in the area of substance abuse since 2006 and assessment and diagnosis since 2007.

I received a B.A. in Psychology from the University of Central Florida in 2002, and a M.S. in Counseling & Psychology from Troy State University in 2007.

I spent a year working in both an inpatient and outpatient substance abuse facility and three years working in a psychiatric hospital.

I currently work in an inner-city high school providing individual, group and family counseling. I also work in private practice dealing mostly with adolescents and their families dealing with various challenges.

My theoretical orientation is eclectic with strong influences from cognitive behavioral, existential, rational behavioral, motivational interviewing, and acceptance & commitment therapy.

I am an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction books. I also enjoy working out, writing, photography and drawing in my spare time.

Thank- you so much Torey.

Nominations are for;

Harold Green




Free Write Friday, August 10,2012

Thank you Kellie for giving me a chance to explore my mind with this exercise prompt.


Stars twinkling, racing from above ore across the skies. Taking dreams of my tomorrows with them. Lights bouncing from tree to tree, allowing my mind to jump to where I can not see.

Mystical thoughts enter my mind as I ponder on what tomorrow may hold.

Thoughts of your arms around me, kissing me gently on the lips is what I for see for you and me.

A walk under the moonlight, two lovers holding hands, walking step by step into never ever land. Stopping under the old oak tree to still a kiss, which is only seen by the sounds of the nights.

A dream of love never escapes my mind, and I know if I dream long enough, it will certainly come true, for all fairy tales have happy endings, and so mine will also.

I wish for strong hands, and broad shoulders to cover me in love, protecting me from all the dangers  in this cruel world. I wish for a head to lean mine next to. A lap to sit upon and whisper sweet nothings in to your ear.

As you place the soft blanket under the mysterious trees, and you gently take my hands and help me down to the softness of the grass, you raise my head up, placing your lips next to mine, devouring my love that I so freely give to you.  The branches from the trees reach out like arms and hide us from the view of all others, protecting our moment that is to be shared only by the two of us, and swaying in the winds, leaves gently fall around us, mixing in with our droplets of love.

You tell me you love me, and you will never want another, and I believe each word escaped from your lips. Tears fall from my very own eyes, and the misty eyes drink  in your sight as you caress each place I glide your hands to.

To be in love is what I whisper to the stars, to be safe with you is a hunger that is always needing to be nourished. I long for this, and so I come here tonight, to tell the gods of my yearning, and I can see your silhouette carved in the knots on the trees.

I walk back to where my journey started and I leave my secrets sheltered among the forest, and I planted a dream, which will grow like wild flowers, and one day soon will sprout buds that with love and  nurturing, will soon be nothing but a dream