The Sounds Of Silence

I know the reason

It’s called Respite

Needed for people

Who are caregivers

The air feels stale

The walls seem bare

The sounds of

Silence are deafening                                                  empty_house_by_scarlettletters-d3fenj7

What is not

Normal I do crave

The ticking of the clock

Pierce my ears

My eyes are heavy

But sleep stalls

As I lay silently

Waiting to go to him

For he needs me

But for now

I must rest

I must get ready

For the new day

When hopefully

He will once again

Bring these

Walls to life.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd



I Did It!!!!!!

I got my four hours today! I left after showing the caregiver what to fix Al for his lunch and showing the medications he would need. My stomach ached and my eyes watered as I left the front door. I felt all over again, I was dropping my first child off at her first day of school. I cried like a big old baby.

Even while driving, my gut still hurt, and I wondered if I was going to be alright. I almost turned around and came home. I had my cell phone in my shorts pocket, so I could pick it up as soon as it rang, and I knew it would, as Al could not do alright without me there, but it never rang, and I did get over my gut ache.

I went first to the goodwill store, and found me a warm house coat for fall and winter. A pretty blue and zip up front, floor length. I bought some tiny gold bells and I am searching for other miscellaneous items, as I am going to be making a decoration for Halloween and Christmas out of two chicken coop windows. I will show the finished product when I get er done! lol

Then I went to my favorite store, Carson’s, and went clearance shopping. I did find a Yankee candle marked down to twelve dollars plus another twenty percent off of that. I am a Yankee candle freak! Lilac bloom was the scent, which I love! I also bought a plaid pair of sketcher slip on shoes. Blue plaid which had been fifty-nine dollars, and I got them for twenty dollars on clearance.

Then I was checking the clock, because once I rid myself of  home fears, I was into clearance shopping and my time was running out. I stopped at a gas station, and grabbed an eat and go sandwich, and took off to a second-hand store, to look for more decorations for my window panes, but didn’t see anything cheap. Sure wish we had a craft shop here in town. I did purchase an old baby dress. Remember when they were white cotton with lots of eyelets on them and scalloped edges? Very simple. A white cotton slip underneath, with tiny little buttons on the shoulders, and the dress itself has three tiny white buttons in the back. I have it hanging on a hanger in my bathroom along with my Victorian shoulder shawl and matching hat, and a vintage glitter clutch bag with matching shoes. My bathroom looks vintage for sure!

Well, it was fun, and when I walked in my front door, the caregiver said that Al talked her legs off about all his coca cola and showed her each piece. She said he was lying down, but when he heard me come home, he came back out to the living room to see what I had purchased. I showed him a white bear with the coca cola symbol on it, that I had bought for him. He smiled at me, he smiled!!!! at me!!!! He seemed like he was glad I was home, and he told me he was glad I had a good time, then he went in and took his nap.

All in all, it was refreshing for both of us, and I am anxious to go again next Tuesday. Al smiled, and I did it!

Second-hand shop

He Is Too Young

Respite Care Day Camp

Respite Care Day Camp (Photo credit: The Neenan Company)

Do you have any idea what it is like hearing the words, you aren’t old enough? Alright, I admit, we are seniors, my brother and I, but yet we aren’t. We can get discounts at restaurants, but if you try to get help from an organization, then you are definitely NOT a senior. I decided this morning, that I was going to spend my free time finding me someone in this city to help give me the break I so need. I am thinking at the least, two hours a week. This isn’t asking too much, do you think? When you count the hours in a week, this isn’t even worth mentioning. I started off by calling the Parkinson’s Foundation, first thing. They had no help, they don’t offer any type of respite care. They actually do, but Al doesn’t fit the criteria, because he isn’t old enough. For heaven’s sake! What other rules are out there that we have to abide by? They told me when he was sixty-five, they could set him up with some help. The advised me to call Real Services, and ask for the aging department. I hung up and dialed the number I was given. When I got to the right department, I was informed, this had nothing to do with his age. Wonderful! They would love to be of help to us. Great! The program they once had for volunteers was over. Darn it! They told me that they have reached out and no one will volunteer anymore. Everyone wants paid, and there is no funding any longer due to the changes from the President. Programs are being cut left and right for the people who actually need them. Now I don’t know if I fall in to the category of actually needing them. Need? That is a powerful word. Will I die if I don’t get some relief? Most likely not. Could this affect my health by being run down constantly? Probably. If anything should happen to me, then my medicare would gladly help me out in a hospitalization situation, but who will care for Al while I would be in the hospital? Well, I need not go further in to this discussion, because I know in my heart that God will keep me safe for Al’s sake. I am just frustrated right now, so I am venting. This is what WordPress is for, right? To vent, to get emotional support? Real services told me to contact a church. There is a church that we have attended, and Al has attended many more years than I have, so I decided to give them a call. I spoke to Kathy, who is so very nice, and knows Al well enough. She took down some information, and is going to try her best to help, but said there was no promises. I can appreciate this. I am just happy that she is making an effort to help us. I wish mom and dad were still here.

Did You Picture This?

An American bathroom of a freshly renovated ho...

An American bathroom of a freshly renovated house, 2004 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This afternoon was a real blast! I don’t remember when I have had so much fun! As the Golden Girls eldest lady says, Picture This! I am sitting here in my computer chair checking emails, and my son texts me to ask if I am home. I respond back with a yes. Pretty soon he comes down and he is ready to work on my bathroom floor. I am having new tiles laid down. I have hated the floor all the time I have lived here. It is yellow plaids and reminds me of a kitchen floor, maybe used from some other floor in another house, and it was a piece left over, so they slapped it down. So as he is starting to do this job, Al is yelling in the bathroom, and I hear the familiar sounds of plunging the stool. Oh, no, not another time.This is at least a weekly ordeal that we go through. My brother was born without a Sphincter Muscle. For you that do not know what this is, it is a muscle in your body that lets you know with a signal that you have to use the bathroom. Number 2?? I can remember the trials and tribulations all through out my childhood, of perfect timing after dinner hour, sit until you drop it! I know, I hear giggles here. Mom and dad did succeed with this timing each night. Now that he is a grown man, he doesn’t want to listen to me, and so there is no perfect timing. I have tried prunes,and raisins. One time I tried apple juice, but that was a mess for me, so I didn’t try that anymore. So the son is here, that doesn’t want to hear any voices raised, and Al is in his bathroom raising his voice. While my son was in my bathroom, I was in Al’s bathroom, and we were taking turns using the plunger. If Al works at the plunger for over five minutes, he becomes very weak and the sweat is pouring off of his face and body. I had spent too much time in the living room talking to son before checking out my brother, and walked into a soaked bathroom floor, rugs wet, you know what everywhere. I couldn’t say a word. I didn’t want to upset my brother and cause more anger, and I didn’t want my son to get mad and walk out, room unfinished. My brother was on a rant and rave. Yelling at me that no one cares about him, no one cares about his problems. I am not quite sure why I get so mad when he talks like this, yes, I do. I get mad because I get sick of hearing no one cares. Who am I? What am I doing here? Aren’t I the one that does everything for you? I let him ramble on and once I took over he went and sat in his room. I finished the job, started the load of dirty towels and rugs, mopped the floor and cleaned the sink and toilet. After this was all done, I had a pounding headache. I get these if I hurt my neck by straining it at all, from some arthritis in my neck. I hate these headaches. It usually forces me on the couch for a nap, which is where I am headed after finishing this blog. I know it is late afternoon, but supper is in the crock pot, and Al is taking a late nap. He will be up at his usual time though, because this is his schedule and we don’t change it. After starting the laundry, the son tells me we don’t have enough tiles, so now tomorrow I get to go back to the store for one more box! Yipee! He left and I went and explained to my brother that I was going to give him a shower even if it wasn’t his shower day. All through the shower, I was rewashing tears and snot. I had  more soap on me in the end I think, but he was clean and in clean clothes. Whew! I am now exhausted and ready for the day to be over. Right before writing this down, I called a nursing home here in town and talked to them about a two-day respite care for Al. I can’ do it anymore without a break, just two days. They will call in the morning, because as usual, the person I needed to talk to was gone for the day. Alright, wasn’t this a blast to follow this blog today? Did you picture it?