My Lucky Nap
For several days Al has gone on about his funeral and talked about this illness and why he has it. It is a worn topic but gets repeatedly read, page by page each evening.
Last evening he thought that his illness stayed home while he went to Day Program. Also last night I saw the strangest thing on Al’s knee. He pointed it out to me by saying, “come look at this.”
I watched his knee and it would turn purple and then go back to normal color. His toes were matching the beat of the drum. I brought it up to the Hospice Nurse this morning when we met.
She explained, “his heart is very weak. It is trying to pump to all the organs but the weaker it gets, the more it has trouble reaching the legs and feet. The heart decides it will stick with the organs and let the limbs go and then try it again later. This is what is happening. He is losing oxygen in his legs.”
I stared at her dumbfounded. She also went on to say that the Hospice Minister was meeting us also here. They wanted me to stay quiet while they talked to Al. My stomach started to churn as I knew this couldn’t be any sort of party I was attending.
The conversation I heard went something like this. ” Al you are a very sick man. It is no one’s fault. It isn’t yours nor is it your sisters. This illness isn’t going to get better Al. It is only going to get worse. One day you will not be able to come to Day Program because your body is going to become very weak and you will not want to get out of bed. I think it is time that you start preparing and ask God if he can take you home while you are asleep.”
I thought I would die right there on the spot. My legs became weak and I thought I was going to collapse to the floor if I didn’t grab a hold of something. I backed a way and the three of them had a private conversation with questions and answers.
That all ended and poof the nurse and minister left. I left also and like a robot went and got groceries. Forget the crazy idea of stopping at Dairy Queen for an ice-cream, I just wanted to go home.
When I got home I put everything a way. I looked through my mail and started prepping supper. Before I knew it, it was time to get Al off the bus. He was quiet and stayed quiet through supper. He only ate 50%. I didn’t say anything. I had to force my own self to eat too.
As I was washing him up I think my jaw fell to the floor as Al patted me on the arm and said, “sis, I think I understand what is happening to me now. The minister and nurse made me see things. They helped me understand. I am going to die. They said I could pray for me to die in my sleep. Could you do me just one favor sis?”
” Sure bud, anything, you name it.”
” Will you make sure I die in my sleep? I don’t want to know it.”
I couldn’t help it. I lost it. I cried like a big baby right there. I grabbed my brother around the shoulders and the two of us cried together. When we finally parted, I continued to wash him up and he said, ” I want to take a nap. I am tired. Maybe this will be my lucky nap.”
Above is a photo of cards that you here at WP have sent Al. I bought him the little miniature case of Coca Cola bottles in their own little case.
Thanks to all who have sent cards and caring words of comfort. If anyone still wants to send him cards, please email me at
and I will give you the address to send the card to.
I am out of words and out of tears. I am done writing for tonight. Hugs my friends.
http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt
Tell us about the last time you had a real, deep, crying-from-laughing belly laugh.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us JOYFUL.
I already blogged a bit about this, but for this prompt it seems appropriate to tell the truth. The last time I had a deep, crying laugh was a week or so before my brother came home from the nursing home.
My son was in a crazy mood and decided that Mom should take an adventure with him on his golf cart. I have always thought these little trinkets were so adorable. I used to see them when I lived in Florida. All decked out with little canvas tops. Pretty fringe blowing softly in the wind.
Elderly waving to their friends as they passed by each other. How much more relaxing of a ride could this be? Getting some sun and yet having those faces protected from the shaded caps.
So when he offered me my first ride I hesitated only a moment. After all, my son is a very careful driver. He drives like I do or at least he drives this way when I am along with him. So I plop my rear end in the front seat and give him the signal I am ready.
Instead of taking off like my memories were showing me of the older people riding them, he took off with a quick jerk. My first instinct was to get the hell off before I killed myself. Instead I made deep imprints on the leather seats with my now beet-red fingers.
I was not about to let this punk kid know that I was frightened. He stopped and looked over at me and smiled. Little shit-head, he knows he is in control of this man-eating machine. He puts the pedal to the metal and off we go.
Now mind me, it felt like we were going 100 miles per hour. I think I lost my wig back a couple of miles and I am sure my skin was plastered wide from the wind in my face. I know that my dentures flew out because suddenly I felt this big gap in my mouth. I knew at that moment that a whole doughnut could now fit perfectly in my cavity.
I chose to hang on for all it was worth, relax a little and go for the ride.
Before I knew it my body had become numb and suddenly I found myself laughing so hard I was almost peeing my granny panties.