Sweating like Rain Showers


Rain Showers over the . Taken in

My brother got up a little later than usual this morning, but nothing to be concerned over. He came out for breakfast, and I was already drinking my cup of coffee and on the computer. His movements are slow, but he gets his breakfast in the microwave and then proceeds to eat.

As he is eating, he asked  me something he has never done  before. He asked  me to give him a shower. I said, what?, and he repeats himself. A little radar went off in my head, as this was just something he would not ask of me, even if he was the dirtiest man on earth. He has never enjoyed his sister giving him a shower, seeing him in the buff, and I don’t blame him at all. This is why we have a shower person.

I walked over to him, and when I was facing his back, I could almost see myself in his glare. His sweat was pouring off of him, like he was standing out under rain showers.

I asked him if he was feeling alright, and the only complaint he had was that his legs hurt, and this is so common, I really don’t give it second thoughts anymore. His head was soaked, his back. He was cold and clammy, so cold it felt like cement.

After he finished eating, I gave him  his shower. I added baby powder with baking soda to his upper half of his body, and dressed him only in clean undies and shorts. He wanted to put the same shorts on he had worn last evening, because in his words, they were not dirty. I said no, we need clean ones, as the sweat made them dirty. He argued briefly, and I said, I am not budging, so he hushed.

As soon as I brushed his hair and got his toothbrush topped off with toothpaste, I noticed his back was once again in the shower mode. Five minutes after his shower, he was as before.

I left him to brush his teeth, and came out and called the doctor. I told the  nurse his symptoms were almost zero, but the sweat was like rain showers. She let out a lot of questions, and some were negative answers and a few were positive. She said that she was going to  speak to the doctor and would call back soon.

When I get nervous, I clean, and I was a little nervous, because of a thing I call, been too good too  long. We have went months with no hospital stays or big anger issues that required other doctors, so I had without planning, been thinking about it lately. I know it is a bad thing to do, but I do it. It is like us thinking of how good our own car is running, then it breaks down.

So, from the time I hung up from the nurse, I also took a shower, changed my bed sheets, and have started a load of laundry. I cleaned Al’s bathroom, and soaked his brush and combs in boiling water. Now I am sitting here pouring out my itty bitty concerns to you, while waiting for the phone to ring.

It’s Time To Be Me!


Rocky statue // Philadelphia

Today, I got my spirit back! I got a spirit that is tougher than ever, thanks to all of the people who have crossed my paths in my lives and have hurt me in some way.

I have always been the all too caring woman, thinking of others before myself, and this is a good quality, right? Not always, when you discover that you are the black carpet, instead of some shade of red.

I want to thank those people on here that keep telling me I am worth it, worth what exactly, I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter, I am worthy.  I want to thank my long time friend, who drilled it in my head, that I am allowed to have opinions and thoughts, that I do not have to believe what others say about me.

I live my life the best I know how, and I take care of my brother the best that I can. I have learned today, that trying to earn someone’s love, or being afraid of someone turning their back on me, isn’t worth it.

I have learned also that I am smart, not too bad-looking for my age, lol, and I can do many things for myself. I have had to carry full responsibilities for the last five years, so I think I can figure out how to get things done if need be. I have moved several states away, and purchased homes, set up special doctors for Al, buy groceries, get the car maintainance done when required, be a nurse here at home, cook, clean house. Remember, when I had to have more people on the job to get the roof done? Well, it may have not been the most appropriate way to get it done, but I did it! My girlfriend always tells me I am a survivor, and deep down I am. I let other people’s remarks and ignoring me, tear me down, causing me to look to myself to see what I did wrong. It isn’t always me, sometimes it is others not getting their way.

Fear of being yourself, and not standing  up for who you are, is not healthy, and I have found I am getting ill from letting this continue. I don’t know who really got my attention, but I would bet my bottom dollar that God and my friend and all of you who have written your encouragements are the ones responsible.

Don’t worry, I won’t get a big head or become ego minded, this is not me, but I am going to start shrugging off the crap, quit worrying why about everything and everyone, and just live my life. God wants me to be happy while serving him right? I need to be happy for my own well being, so I had to change. I will just work on being the person God placed on this earth.

Thank you everyone for not letting me sink!