A Nice Surprise

After two days of mainly crying from Al I got the nicest surprise tonight. I walked in to change him and put him in bed and he looked up at me and smiled. He smiled. My heart jumped or skipped a beat. It is amazing that such a tiny thing can boost my spirits up so high. Now I will be greedy and hope I see one in the morning also.

M.S.A. you suck you know

You put my brother to an all time low

You take from him what he has had

You have made him feel so terribly bad

You have chewed him up and left a hole

You have even left him with no goals

I detest you, and I even hate your name

You never played fair, to you this was a game

I know there is no cure for right now

But I promise you will vanish, this I vow

For others you have sneaked in and made your home

But some day soon you will be all alone

For some are working long, long hours

And soon us humans will have the power

To cheer to jump to smile and scream

For finally we have realized our dream.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

Oct. 18, 2103oct13 10


Through My Lens

I guess God had a part to play in my late afternoon and evening yesterday. I was hyped and stressed at the same time most of the day. Professionals are not returning my phone calls. I just hate it when you wait and wait for a returned call and it never happens.

My son and his family popped up here and invited me to take my first walk of the Spring at the boardwalk. I jumped at the chance. Time to get a way from these four walls. A  chance to let my mind rest and enjoy one of my loves in life,  photography. I know I am not any good at it, but I find many tiny miracles of life through my lens. I thought I would share what I saw with you. You will see budding trees, a beaver’s nest, nature and my little buddy boy who brings me laughter when I am sad.

bud branchesbud branches 2bud branches 4bud branches 3bark treebeaver nestcaiden at watercattailducksducks 2caiden on walk

bird nest

I Choose the Smaller One

Christmas is over. The stress is gone. My tree is down and I feel peace inside sitting here today. It is not too difficult to go back over the Christmas Day celebration with my kids and their kids and reflect. It was so nice to have most of the family here, and yet there was tension and not as much laughter as I had hoped for. It is alright. As I told you the other day, I have made a strict rule to let it go. I can’t change anyone. Only people can change if they want to.

Today I went to see Al. Al the one who felt threatened by his dad who never knew how to show any feelings. Al was a big guy. He still is but believe it or not, he is fifty pounds lighter due to the Parkinson’s Disease.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to get to go or not. The weather was predicting snow and I am a big baby to drive on it. My car is not meant for northern winters either. God closed up the skies and let me know that he was with me by keeping it dry outside with just a hint of a snowflake here and there.

When I walked in to his room, he was sound asleep. I tickled his foot and he opened those eyes and peered at me and I got the faintest of smiles. As he became more aware of my presence, I got an even bigger smile. He sat up and we chatted. He asked for more of his vintage cars and I said I would bring two the next time I came to visit. I told him I brought him more diet coke, and I got the biggest smile ever. He and his coca are best friends.

I take great care to not miss one tiny action that lets me know he is tolerating pain for the day. Today he was having a good day. Thank-you God. Before I realized it, time had ticked to noon and he got up to use the bathroom so he could go to lunch. I waited and walked with him down to the dining room. His eating buddy who also has Parkinson’s was sitting at a near by table trying to get the border of a new puzzle figured out.

I asked him if he wanted help and he said sure, so I helped him turn all the puzzle pieces right side up and we found all the straight-edge pieces. I think he was so glad for my help. He looked up at me and gave me the biggest grin.

Now tell me, which would you choose? A Christmas that was slightly strained, or a quiet visit with Al who gave me the most genuine smile he could muster. He was truly glad I was there. He may be middle-aged. He may be mentally-impaired. He may have PD, but he is sincere, honest, and open. It was a breath of fresh air. I will take those little smiles over anything else because they make me feel special, loved and needed. I love you bud.

Several have asked about Al here at WordPress, and so with Al’s permission I snapped some photos of him today and his room.

al at millersal standingal walkingal's roomal's room 2

If You Want To Help Me, Now Is Your Chance

All sold out of "Almost Funny" greet...

Greeting cards on display at retail.

English: self made

You know me well enough by now to know I am never a quitter. I may be down on bended knee. My chest may be dragging the floor, and my feet dragging at times, but I am no quitter!

I have this idea for Al. It made his day so special at his birthday, but now I want to bump it up a notch. At Al’s birthday, I made a special birthday page just for him, and so many friends around the world wished him a  happy birthday.

The sad thing was, I was not able to print off that page so Al could touch it. Sometimes I go back to it and read the well wishes for Al so he knows there are people out there that care and yes, some of you love him as a Christian brother, but this time I would like to do more.

It won’t cost much, and it won’t take much time, but I am hoping that when Al sees the hearts of a lot of you, he will quit thinking of dying and how to make it happen. Hopefully, he will be able to be torn away from his pain for just awhile.

So here is what I would like to propose. Friendship cards, get-well cards, happy cards, funny cards. Remember, his mentality is about ten years old and he loves vintage cars, and coco cola, and football and basketball, and so I think any card will hopefully put a smile back on his face.

I don’t feel it is appropriate to put my full mailing address on here, but if you email me at


I will be glad to give  you the proper mailing address for our home. You will place the card in my name, % of my brother’s name.

I sure hope that each of you will not look at this like I am trying to get something for nothing. The reward that I am trying to reap is some happiness for Al.

Well, this is my idea, and I hope to hear from many of you.

Please do me one tiny favor? Place card in the subject line of your own email, so I do not consider it spam.

When I Am Finished

You can see the patterns in the sky of God’s travel all over the world, watching out for each of us, staying near our sides, never leaving us. The glow in  the distance is proof that he does live, leaving brightness in hope, and a warmth that we can remain in while he takes our worries away. The small entry hole in the tree is his love that is shining through our hearts, as we speak to others about the wonders of God, also taking away the darkness of unbelievers, letting in a bit of light and hope into their empty hearts. The shadows cast past griefs and sorrows, pains and despairs that God has already healed. The zipper in the sky is our entrance to heaven, where we will be greeted by our heavenly father. Our hearts and faces lift to the sky and imagine us being lifted from this life right into  the unzipped layers of another life, that we can now only dream and  imagine about. My Lord, I give you thanks for the trials and tribulations that you place upon my heart. For without these, I would learn nothing. I would not learn to place my faith and hope in you. I would be wandering this world in gross confusion. Before, I go on my way, I glance upwards one more time to the zipper and smile, letting God see the love that I have for him. I will be in your arms one day soon, my Lord, as soon as I am finished with the work you have given me to do.

Dedicated to Bonita

Don’t Get Me Wrong, But I am Easy To Please

Update- This is the latest on the little boy t...

Update- This is the latest on the little boy that was 19 grams when we got him. He weighs 112 grams now and his eyes opened 8/24/10. To see him at 19 grams- http://www.flickr.com/photos/audreyjm529/4835953451/ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had a fun-filled morning. I took my brother to a first time visit to a dermatologist. I had never visited one either, so I was curious as to what we were in for. I had been mailed the paper work to be filled out prior, and we were there promptly ten minutes before our called time. It was a nice looking office. Clean. The ladies in the waiting room all had clear complexions, unlike me with my ugly moles. The receptionist was very pretty and nice. My brother noticed nothing. He was shaking to death, as they say, from his tremors. He was crying because he didn’t want to die.? I don’t really know where that thought was coming from. We gave them all proper identification, so they didn’t get us mixed up with some other name or face. We sat down and I noticed plenty of female attracting magazines with beautiful faces, and pamphlets for this issue or that. His name was called promptly, and we rose to go on. My brother stood there. I didn’t know whether to go over and drag him by the hand or just wait patiently. I chose the latter. He moved. Thank you Jesus! We went in to the small office. The tech was a high school friend of mine, so we played catch-up while putting more important information to paper. The doctor entered promptly also. I was highly impressed with this place. She was so nice. She talked smoothly and gently to my brother. She got down on his level, and comforted him with her words. I wanted to never leave. This was my type of doctor. No guilt being thrown at me here! He had been brought here from a grayish black area on his cheek, local doctor thinking it should be checked out. Praise God, it was not cancer. We or I was forced to move one leg than another and never to walk back into that office again. Sad. I treated my brother to lunch as a victory we had won at this visit. Home again. Comfort zone. He went straight to his bed for his nap. I left TV off,and listened to the wonderful silence, drinking my coffee, reading my emails. The front door being left open I heard a soft chatter. My ears perked up as I tried to diagnose what animal this was. I heard it a couple more times. I softly rose from my comfy PC chair and tiptoed over to the door where I could get a glimpse of what was out there. All winter long I had been feeding a family of baby squirrels. I had not placed any bread, peanuts, or feed for a couple of days. Immediately, I smiled. There was two of the babies, sitting on my front porch staring at me. Just sitting, doing nothing, but gazing at me first. I know, I know, don’t encourage animals near your home, but I always looked at it, if I was feeding them, they weren’t trying to get in my house through the roof somewhere, when I was sleeping. I turned around and got my bag of seed I had left and opened the door wondering if they were going to leave? stay there?. They scurried. They ran over and crawled up the bark of the tree, but they only went part way. I could see their little furry heads peaking around the corner watching and waiting for me to give them their treats. I went out in the yard, and tossed to the wind all I had left. I came back inside, and stood at the door. They  hurriedly scrambled from the tree and came over to eat. They didn’t mind if I watched or not. What they do not know yet, is I have a rather nice treat waiting for them, but it is still in the car. How they will be surprised.  I was blessed twice today. No sad news for my brother, and my furry little friends were there to visit. I am needed. I am needed by God, my brother, and my furry little friends.