Christmas, just mouthing the word, hopefully brings a smile to your face.
Lots of shrieks
Sledding down hill
Warm hot chocolate
For all to see.
Means no school
Breaking all the rules.
Pitter patter on the roof
Waiting for the fat man
Can’t sleep I’m so excited
Open gifts, oh come on la la land.
Jumping out of bed
Getting mommy and daddy
Up and running a head.
Oh my stars look at all those gifts
Sliding on slippers I fall to my knees
Squeals of delight as I open each one
Begging my mamma to open hers from me.
Memories of Christmas for me as a child
Brings wide-eyed eyes and beautiful smiles
And now I am standing here at the door
Greeting my family who will stay for a while.
Old Man Winter I Am Hibernating
The weather today
Is full of leaves
Feet walk through them
The ground covered
Is full of leaves
Feet walk through them
The ground covered
The air filled with musty
All is cozy inside
The signs of
Old man winter
Is sneaking upon us
Just posted a
Notice to me
Night a chance of
Six inches plus
Of that white stuff
You know it is called
Get your shelves
Stocked on toilet paper
And milk, get diapers
And bread, for winter
Has decided whether
I like it or not
To pay me a visit
Wait, what is that?
You want me to come
Back and visit?
I’m sorry friends
I must go for my
Bed covers are
Calling to come
Hibernate until Spring.
A troubled life followed the kid into his adulthood. Drugs and too much sex destroyed his
mind and his body. He was filled with guilt and now equally filled with a bad sickness. Lying on his bed filled with other patients he wanted to die.
He blamed everyone for where he was today. He didn’t like his parents rules so he ran a way from home. It didn’t take him long to learn that he had made a mistake but his pride kept him from going back, so he learned to let the streets suck him in.
Having nowhere to go after his friend’s parents kicked him out he stayed at different homes eventually sleeping in cars. For a couple of weeks he found an abandoned garage and he curled up in some old blankets each night. Then he got busted and almost had the cops called on him but he ran faster and escaped.
During his travels he experienced what it was like to be used and dumped. He slept with whom ever offered him a bed as the nights turned colder. It wasn’t important to him who he stayed the night with. It was more about staying warm and free from snowy weather.
He found a small town bar and he began a routine of hanging out and playing pool. He used his wit to lure people into trusting him into their lives, even if for a short time. He not only let others use him, he traded sex for theft of money or valuables on his way out the door early in the mornings.
He used the money and sold his finds on the street. This fed and clothed him. The vicious circle consumed him and he began to drink so much he didn’t even remember who he had been with the night before.
Had he even had sex or had he passed out before? Did he sleep with her or him or were there several? He didn’t know and he didn’t care anymore. This was his life as he knew it and there was no going back.
One night as he was doing his trickery of getting into a safe warm haven he got the tables turned. Instead of him doing the joke the joke was on him. It was a Saturday night and he was in his favorite bar.
Drinks were flowing and lies were being spoken. Eyes were concentrating on what could be taken. The time was coming near for the closed sign to be placed. A group of both sexes got together and invited this poor kid to their place for a continuing party.
He didn’t hesitate at all. He grabbed his coat and hat and took off with them. As soon as they got inside more drinks were poured. Lights were dimmed and music began to mesmerize the mind.
One drug was taken out and the table cleared. Later more types of drugs were used. Needles were exchanged from one person to the next. The minutes turned into hours and although he knew he was being passed from one person to the next, his mouth could not open to stop it.
He felt rough hungry hands feeding his body parts lifting him to heights he had never experienced before. Pain seared his body but in some mysterious way brought him even more pleasure.
Darkness turned to dawn and when his eyes opened pain was piercing his entire body. When he tried to sit up he fell back to the spot he had secured for the night. He looked around him and saw people sprawled around him.
He had to get out of here. He couldn’t do this anymore. He had enough. He laid there and his body hurt so bad that he began to weep. He wept for what he had done last night but did not remember. He wept for his life that he refused to change because of his pride. He wanted to die.
People started stirring and he forced himself to sit up. People were looking in empty bottles to see if there may be one more drop. Some were eating left over foods that had set out all night.
Without saying a word he stood up and walked past the zombies and out the front door. No one said goodbye, no one cared. He walked down to the bus stop. Hopping on and taking the first empty seat he was dropped off at the city park.
Snow was falling gently and it was a few days before Christmas. He found a cold bench and sat down. Looking out through hazy eyes he spotted the sparkly lights from the biggest Christmas tree he had ever seen. The star resting on top seemed to be speaking to him as the lights bounced off of the snowflakes.
His eyes were locked on the glistening picture and he felt a strange heat coming over him. It made him afraid as it felt like something strange was entering his body. He continued to sit and watch the magic until his body became so cold he had to move on.
He walked without knowing where and his body followed his footsteps. He was now standing in front of a big church and he saw shelter. He made his way up the steps and snuggled up as close to the wall to keep the winds from blowing on him. He didn’t sleep and he didn’t rest but the nagging feeling that someone was following him could not be shaken.
Startled by the music he stepped a way from his spot and walked around to the front of the church. There on the virgin snow was a live manger. People were gathered around it in a circle with lit candles singing songs.
He stood just out of sight and listened. Words of love piercing his ears entering his soul and touching his heart. Your sins have been forgiven, Jesus loves you, I surrender all. Come to me and I will give you rest.
Mom, he’s awake. Come look Mom. His eyes are open.
Through the next few days he remained at this family’s home. He was nursed with good hot food and a warm soft bed. He was sick though and fevers came and went. He eventually had to be admitted to the hospital.
. When a diagnosis came in he was moved to a special floor that held many patients with the same sickness as him.
He remained here for some time. He continued to feel as if someone was close to him but seeing no one he tried his best to ignore it. One morning he awoke to a burning temperature. He dreamed in and out of reality. One time he saw a man with a gentle smile. This man burned into his mind. He heard a soft whisper and a hand reaching out to him.
I have seen it all
Over Facebook pages
Funny sayings about
Our Mother Nature
But as I sit here
Seeing huge snowflakes
Falling gently down
I have to admit to myself
I too, am sick of winter
It is beautiful this I know
But for heaven’s sake it’s Spring
We should have had this
Back in December
When our Christmas Day
Was green with grass
So now my white stuff listen to me
Get out of here and kiss my ___!
Bring us green once again.
I told you yesterday when I was blogging that we were headed for a snow storm. God had answered my prayer and held off the white stuff until I returned home. We ended up receiving between 8 and 9 inches.
Here are a few photos I managed to take so I can share the cold flakes with you.
Now that it is day light, I will be Larry the Cable Guy and say, let’s get it out of here, let’s get er done…………….
I didn’t know whether to go hide in a corner of my room or write to my friends on here. I have tears in my eyes as I have found out the truths that I have been searching for.
I look outside as the snow softly falls and watch it begin to cover the grounds and roads once again. This is what part of me wishes for. Someone cover me with a blanket and bring me comfort.
I would give anything in this world to have my parents back. I would definitely risk the snow storm in order to be in the comfort of their words right now. But alas, I know this will not happen.
I have always believed that God knows all. He works out our problems to our good. I have to cling to this as I have already shredded the ends of the rope hanging right above my reach.
I want to go into the kitchen and find anything and everything to stuff in my mouth; for food blankets me with comfort, but I will not as I realize I will pay the huge price of high sugars later on.
What I learned to be true, and as they say straight from the horse’s mouth is no program is going to allow Al‘s funeral bill to become a legal expense. The wording is wrong on the paper work and there is no way to change it as the originals have already been viewed.
I had already checked into a refund a couple of weeks ago and discovered to my dismay that of all the thousands that have been paid on it will all vanish but one tenth in a refund. This just makes me want to vomit. Not only that and please don’t think of me as hard-shelled but if he passes before me I will then have to pay for another funeral out of my pocket.
This Friday morning I am meeting Al with his driver at our doctor’s office. We will be getting Al an updated physical and also a form which will have all of Al’s diagnosis on it. Then I am to fax this to the correct number.
This in turn will be sent to another department to be approved or denied. What I didn’t know for sure until today is that this is for a waiver that will bring Al back home. He will go to a day program Monday through Friday for eight hours.
The lady working on this case told me that he is eligible and sees no reason why it will not be approved. She says this won’t take long at all. The next step will be Al receiving a case worker and she will then meet with Al and me and they will be checking out our home to see if there are any changes that need to be made for his convenience. I believe these changes are done at their expense.
I won’t mind having Al here because he will be able to go to the day programs. This is something very much he needs. After he comes home then another waiver is introduced and it will be possible that he could move into the group homes if he chooses or if it gets to be too much for me.This waiver is much lengthier and takes quite a bit longer. Either way I know that God is in charge of this whole deal. It will work out. I will have time still for me five days a week and Al will be back here.
What bothers me so bad is that the facility refuses to allow me the funeral home expense. The government sees it as a life insurance policy. I was told I could try to sway the facility to see things from my view to allow the funeral expense each month, but all they could say is we want our money owed to us.
I will never look at nursing homes again with the same eyes. I will never forget them suggesting to me that I sell Al’s personal things out of his room to help pay for his own funeral. First of all he doesn’t have anything of funeral expense value. I will never forget them telling me they don’t have time to chat with him.
I would rather have him here where I know I love him and he will get better care than he received there. Yes I will be involved again. Yes there is a chance he can go to the group homes eventually, but for now, I refuse to see my brother slip into a deeper depression. For now I am thankful for the waiver to release him from their greedy and non-caring fingers. For the rest of it? the future for Al and me? I have no choice but to place it in God’s hands. He will never do Al or me wrong. I have to believe and trust that God will help me with Al here at home.
I went back and read some of the posts I had written a few months ago, but for some reasons I am not as afraid and worried. Al is weaker. He can no longer come at me. He walks very little and we won’t be together 24/7. He will have a life of his own and he won’t be treated bad nor shunned.
The tears flowing from me now and the urge to vomit come from the heartless people who won’t show any compassion for another human soul. I will not beat myself up for the what I have done’s, but I refuse to keep making the same error over and over.
As Rose would say on the Golden Girls, this facility can all go to He double hockey sticks!!
My one friends uses a common phrase that comes to my mind right now. God is good, God loves me, and life is what it is.
Oh and by the way friends, I prayed so many times for God to save the big snow until after I went to this important meeting for Al. I don’t know if you prayed also but thanks if you did. I know there is a God, I don’t have to see his face, I can see him at work. God held on to those big snow flakes. All there were was snow flakes gently falling. The streets were clear and I was able to go to the meeting and come home. About fifteen minutes after I returned home God let loose of those flakes and now it is snowing like crazy. All the roads are snow-covered and so is my car. Thank-you Jesus for answering my prayer and watching over me and Al. I praise your name and sing hallelujah!
Winter last so long
Where I live
It seems Spring’s so far away
I wish Winter would go a way.
Today is cold and dreary
Snow is sprinkling down
The grass that was green
Now white is lying on the ground.
Birds are on their way
To find their homes once had
Hibernating animals are
Are poking their heads and I’m glad.
One more month til legal Spring
And I am counting down
Please go a way dear winter
Let me get out and walk around.
This morning was Al’s swallow test. When I woke up and looked outside the window, I was disappointed. It was snowing. Now don’t get me wrong. I think snow is grandiose, but only when I am inside looking out.
It has been so darn cold here these past couple weeks, but God knew I needed to go to this appointment so a bit higher temperatures were given to me. It was 18 when I took off out of the drive.
When it warms up in increments, you take the chance of having snow. Guess what, it was snowing. My darn car is rear wheel drive. This is not a good thing when you live in a snow belt area. But hey, it didn’t snow in Florida. I just hate to purchase another car and have long-term car payments again. Mine will be paid off next year.
So I warm the car up an elongated amount of time. When I got in it still seemed a little chilly. I took off. Where I live is the biggest hurdle. Getting out of the addition. The main roads were snow-covered and icy in spots. I drove about 20 m.p.h. It didn’t bother me too much since others were driving the same speed.
I finally got there and as I was walking up to the hospital entrance I saw the van that was bringing my brother. I waited and when I saw him I waved through the window. It felt odd to see him in his wheel chair. Only because yesterday he had a better day. She explained that the walk alone inside the corridors would make him so fatigued, we would have more problems and I understood that perfectly.
The test was very easy and didn’t take that long. They did switch his regular diet to mechanical soft and added PRN a product known as thicket. You can use this poweder to thicken liquids to honey, pudding or thick consistencies. We used to use it here at home.
I thought the muscles in his throat were not working but this was not the case. Al gets so exhausted from chewing foods, that the effort to swallow becomes more difficult. The doctors are hoping with less effort to chew maybe he would be able to swallow better his drinks. He told me that he could not drink all of his milk at breakfast this morning because 8 oz. was just too much. Hearing him and the professionals I can now understand or get a better picture of what is happening in his mouth. It was fascinating to watch the x-rays as he chewed and swallowed
So I gave him a hug good-bye and told him I loved him. I watched the driver place him back in the van and then went to clean my snow-covered car once again. After sliding in spots I was in no hurry to go back home. But it is crazy to sit in a hospital parking lot waiting for the snow to stop and waiting for the city to clean the streets, so off I went.
I got about a mile from the hospital and my eye started feeling very irritated. It is better today but still not healed. There was something in it. I just knew it, but I was driving on slick streets.
I tried so gently to get what ever was in my eye out, but no luck. For one reason, I was already struggling to see with equal vision with the gel fogging my one eye. Another reason was no matter how I tried, the gel was slippery to my fingers. Darn it. My eye lashes were opening and closing so fast not even a fly would have come near for fear of being batted to death.
I could not pull over. As I drove with one hand, I moved my swollen eye lid around as much as I could until finally it sank to the bottom of my eye lid. I could feel it but at least the fluttering of the eye lashes had simmered down. I had about five miles to go at 20 m.p.h. I took all main streets and tried to keep my eyes as wide open as possible to keep the little pest from coming back into view.
Finally I made it home. I flipped off my boots as quick as I could. I went to the bathroom and got the hand mirror and looked at my glistening eye. It was red and irritated. This is normal though. If you had been pinched over and over your would be red too.
I peeked everywhere I could but I saw nothing. I didn’t dare wipe my eye too much or I would lose the medicine in it and I am only allowed to use it three times per day. The corner of my eye was starting to itch and when I looked very close I saw it. There it was. I ever so carefully inched my fingers as close to my eye without blinding myself and on the third try I got it.
It was about a half-inch size of white fuzz. I took that little bugger and flushed him. Gone out of sight and out of mind. I comforted my eye with words of I will not pick on you anymore. I will let you rest until the next dosage time rolls around. I am so sorry I irritated you to the point you saw red. It’s going to be ok now.
So all in all, Al had some changes, but no puree food yet, just a different texture of foods. I slid in the snow but made it to his appointment and back home. As soon as I parked in my own drive, I thanked God for keeping me and other drivers safe. As I was walking up to the house leaving snowy foot-prints behind me I thought, I hope Al knows how much I love him. He is the only person I would get out in the snow with a messed up eyeball for.