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God Helps In My Preparations For Al

With gentle nudges I have begun to prepare myself for the new beginning of Al’s life. His clothes…

God Helps In My Preparations For Al

Posted on February 12, 2014 by Who I am

With gentle nudges I have begun to prepare myself for the new beginning of Al’s life. His clothes are ready, his photos gathered.

I have realized that these are things I can do now. Later I will not be able to make decisions so easily so it is better to help myself now.

My friend left this morning and the caregiver is gone. I heard the silence ringing in my ears. It is yet to be a memory of days to come but at this moment it is real and as I walk into Al’s room I stand quietly beside him and look down into his empty eyes and my own tears well echoing what is about to come.

I sit beside him and I watch the silent body stare into space. I reach for his hand and a tremor of life lets me know he knows I am beside him. I talk to him although he doesn’t stir, but I know he hears me.

I came back out here to the room and went over the two songs I have picked out for his funeral. It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth as I do this preparation work, but as I said before, it is better to do it now than later.

Last night I had been searching through songs on U-tube. I knew the one song already that I was going to use. It is familiar to so many. It is sung by Vince Gill. It is called Let There Be Peace On Earth.

I said a prayer as I was searching asking God to find me the perfect song. A song that would lift my brother to God. A song that would shine through in honor of how I felt and feel about him. Without hesitation God showed it to me.

I thought to myself, This is so beautiful, so perfect, it is so Al in every way.

Would you like to hear it? It is also sung by Vince Gill and called Go Rest High On The Mountain.

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Ray of Light Amongst the Clouds

For two days Al talked after weeks of no speaking but then it left. Last night he was trying very…

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Ray of Light Amongst the Clouds

Posted on February 7, 2014 by Who I am

For two days Al talked after weeks of no speaking but then it left. Last night he was trying very hard to let me know about something. I tried and tried but his voice is so soft I couldn’t make it out.

It makes a person feel so totally helpless when you are the one standing and they are the one in bed. I felt like from his facial expressions he was letting me know he is still scared. My friend and I said prayers over him. We promised him I would be alright.

My friend even told him that she would look after me when he is gone. Of course she won’t unless I am in a terrible situation, but we were hoping it would bring some comfort to Al. I just wish I knew whether it did or not.

We have been struggling with temps with Al. He seems to have a temp quite a bit now. This is very common in the last days as the body just doesn’t know what else to do to fight, so it will spike a temp. The day before yesterday it went to 104.6.

Now this scared me as it was very close to the level where a seizure could appear. I got it to come down but then as high as his temps will go, it will also drop too low. Almost to 95 degrees. When it gets that low he is in the state of dying, so we rock that cradle back and forth pretty fast around here.

Today is my friend’s birthday. She turned 60. I always kidded her about her being older than me. Even though we are two months apart, it is still 60 days that I get to be younger. The first thing I did when I woke up is bake a cake for her birthday.

Then I popped some chicken in the crock pot and put the most fabulous sauce and spices over it. It will taste so good. I know for a fact, because I make it often.

Recipe

1/4 cup vinegar

1 bottle BBQ sauce

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon garlic

1/4 cup brown sugar

Mix all together and pour over chicken in a crock pot. Cook at least four hours on low, or until tender.

So when my girlfriend got up I had coffee poured and on the table. A decorated cake awaited for her. I had a lit, very good smelling, candle shining brightly. A plate was placed in front of her with hot bacon, scrambled eggs, and raisin toast, along with water.

So in the midst of the drama of watching the clouds roll through my brother’s room, I found a ray of light in wishing my best friend a happy birthday. Happy Birthday my dearest friend!!!