stepping stones | Who I am

It brought me so much comfort late last night. I was able to talk to my daughter, in fact we spoke two nights in a row. It amazes me how when life looks so glum, when my chin hangs so low, when I look real hard, I can always see a beam of light shining from some where.

The idea is to keep looking up. Pick myself off the floor and look for that ray of sunshine. I have learned in the last week or so that I am going to be a Grandma now twice again. The latest news came yesterday. One will be due in July and the other in March. As I sat here taking in the news I saw a vision of one door closing on life and two new doors opening.

Allowing warmth and smiles to radiate. I guess this is how life actually works. We are born. We grow and we do what we do in life and then God decides to take us home.

It has been so very hard to listen to Al tell me the past two days that he is giving up. Where is the fight that I generally have seen? It seems to be gone and yet there is always a small part of me that believes this is just bad days we are going through. We are in the valley and once again we will be on the mountain top praising the heavens for one more chance.

But sometimes this doesn’t happen. When God says our job is complete, it is complete. There is no bargaining.

And so the void in my life and heart will be replaced by two little innocent babes, looking for their own mark in the world. Various people they will interact with during their walk will influence and help to mold them.

I can only hope as their Grandma that they make right choices and live a good life. This world has much to offer, but you have to find the needle in the hay stack. It’s there, it’s always been there. It is just a little more difficult today to see it.

I have to smile to myself as new life once again takes its place among the many steps that have been walked before.

To watch the development of independent decisions grow and fester until the cocoon burst and a beautiful butterfly appears.

Yes life is magnificent. Even through the sorrowful times of illness and death, new life and wonderful opportunities are waiting for us to dive into. It is only up to us to decide to take the chance, the risk of exploring.

We can look down on life. We can ponder and talk about the terrible rocks we have stumbled over. Or we can look at these pebbles as stepping-stones, of learning and growth. We have a life to live and we have a time to die. Where are you at in this cycle? I know that some days I am in the middle, and I have days where I am looking down, my chin hanging, but I keep trying, for God is good, life is exciting, and adventure is ours.