stubborn | Who I am

Saturday was a nice calm day for Al and me. I was a little surprised that he didn’t ask for any pain medications, but didn’t push it. Today, I woke him up so he could take his meds and he sat in his lift chair most of the morning. He didn’t even take a nap, like usual.

After lunch it started to change. He started complaining of pain in his side and his neck. He didn’t want to lay down and then it got too late to lay down as the shower girl was to be here at 2pm.

She had a terrible time with him as he was going back to his old ways of being crabby. He couldn’t hold his head up normal and he was so weak he could barely stand. After his shower I put him to bed immediately.

He only slept an hour and was back a wake. For supper he couldn’t feed himself because he was too weak to hold his spoon and his tremors were a mess. After I got him all cleaned up and had just put him in his lift chair the phone rang. It was the beautician ready to come cut Al’s hair.

I knew it was shitty timing but getting her to come out on her days she did work was too hard. She came out and gave him a cut. She is good and she was quick. After paying her and she left I wanted to put Al in bed to watch TV but he insisted on his lift chair.

He then argued with me because he wants his bed side table full of cars. I offered to exchange cars but he wanted his way. I couldn’t give in. We need the space for his glasses at night, his remotes, light, bell, and he already has three cars sitting there.

He started crying trying to get his way, then he got mad. I sit here now thinking he has complained of neck pain and side pain. He is dead tired. His body is too weak to even help himself stand all because he turned down the pain medications.

I think he should have them anyways. It keeps everything under control. It helps stop the pain before it gets out of hand. It helps him to not get so upset and fussy. Now I have a brother who is refusing to lay down until bedtime and is at his worst.

I think he is trying to prove to himself that he doesn’t have his illness now that he is home, but he is wrong. We talked for quite a while and he said, “This illness is going to take my life. It is going to kill me.”

I hated it but I said, “You are probably right. This illness will get no better. It is going to make you weaker and eventually you may not be able to get out of bed. You need more rest so your body can sit up and eat. You need to take your pain medications so you don’t get to this point.”

He started crying and I had nothing else to say as I didn’t want to start the arguing again like last time he was here, so I left the room and got on the computer. Should I have ignored his saying no to pain medications or given him the pain medications anyways?

Here are some photos I snapped today in our home.

Looking Back (fullcircledme.wordpress.com)
Back Discomfort Tips That Can Work Wonders (back-pain-and-treatment.com)
We Turn Away, it Goes Away? (theconjecturegirl.wordpress.com)
Recovery: Stage 1 (amypejkovic.wordpress.com)
A New Model Of Understanding Chronic Pain & Depression May Offer Hope To Sufferers (medicalnewstoday.com)
An A to Z of chronic illness: Part 5 (brainlesionandme.com)
Jim, do you have a brain illness? (shoe1000.wordpress.com)
Dealing with a Pain in the… (apluscaregiver.com)
Pros and Cons of Pain Clinics (123mymd.wordpress.com)
Gutted (henrysinwi.com)

I woke up earlier than Al today, so I took advantage of my free time and got on the

urination: not here (Photo credit: maximolly)

computer and answered the question to Plinky. About the same time I finished the question, Al got up. By now it was nine am, and between that and 10am, this is what happened.

Al rang his bell announcing to me that he was ready to get up. I said that I heard him, and he proceeded to get up, as I finished up on here, which was long enough to get out of WP. I walked back in to his room to start the bed check to see if it was wet, and I see Al peeing on his table and floor and trying to wipe it off with his hanky. He just looked at me, and said he was cleaning it up. I immediately went and got the cleaners for the table top, that was flooding, and the floor, and instantly removed the items from the table that were damp.

Al and I have been in battle for a few days now about keeping things on the table top at night. I have explained to him until I am blue in the face, that it is alright to over load his bed side table during the day, but once bed time arrives, the table can only hold his lamp, kleenex box, television remote, and his bell. I have repeatedly explained as nice as I could, that if he fell out of bed, I did not want to break his items sitting on top, trying to move the table to get to him, but he refuses. He has always been a very stubborn person, in fact, I don’t think I know anyone personally, that is as stubborn as he, and this is where the peeing came in also.

I have repeatedly asked him to sit and go pee, on the commode, but he wants to stand, and then he doesn’t hold his private part, while trying to pee, because he is trying to hold onto something stable in order to stand the short time to pee. He wants everything to stay the way it was prior to Parkinson’s, and I understand this totally, but changes have to be made.

He got mad at me right away, and I believe this is because he was busted, or caught, doing the wrong thing, so he started to blame me for his peeing on the floor and table. I reminded him again, while I was cleaning up the messes, that he needed to sit and pee, not stand. This statement made him mad, and he carried his anger through breakfast, and then when breakfast was over the shower girl appeared at the door.

I let her in and she was a witness to his anger and tears. I felt bad for her as she did not ask to be a party to this. After he got through with his breakfast and rambling on about how I did not care about him, and I was trying to get rid of him by placing him, he was not concentrating on what he was doing, getting up, and he caught the leg of the kitchen chair he had been sitting at, and was dragging it with pushing his walker.

I jumped out of my chair in order to get the chair apart from the walker, so he would not fall once again, and he turned on me instantly. He started charging at me and he was telling me to go to hell, and that I was a bitch.

The shower girl came instantly and tried to get him to calm down, and told me to go back and sit down, that she would give him his shower. Al doesn’t know this but the baby monitor being on, I could hear him dogging me to death, telling her all kinds of crap, trying to win her over to his side, just like a kid that plays mom against dad. All this happened in one hour, before I brushed my teeth, or hair, or was in my day clothes, one hour!

It was awful, but only for an instant, did it sting, but instead I got angry. How dare he act so naughty, when I go out of my way. Wasn’t I just the one who had been cleaning all the messes up in his room, get his medications ready, get his drinks ready, silverware, napkin, plates. Oh forget it I said to myself, I am not doing this for any recognition or rewards, I am doing this because I love him, and because I love him, I have decided to go forth with the placement. I need my health back and he needs more help than I can give him anymore.