Dreams


What is a dream.

1. A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.
2. A daydream; a reverie.
3. A state of abstraction; a trance: wandering around in a dream.
4. A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration: a dream of owning their own business.
5. A wild fancy or unrealistic hope: He knew that playing for a professional team was only a dream.
6. Informal One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful: Her boyfriend is a dream.
Do you dream? What do you dream about? I know for myself, I have dreams, a few of them. I would love to be an inspirational speaker for MSA. I would like to try writing the song words to a tune someone has.
But. if we dream, do we do just that; or do we act upon the thoughts. Who puts those dreams in our head? Some of you may say, yourself, others may state that God places it there.
Since my brother has passed I have been in a big limbo. I have been stuck in the past. My brain knows I need to move on, but my body doesn’t follow. I am somewhere in the middle.
I have opened my mind, let some light in and now have the dreams that I mentioned. What next? This is where I am stuck at in the moment.
I live in a small town. I have contacted a few newspapers in my area about my photography. I have tried spreading my name around in Facebook and even put together a page about MSA and let others know I am willing to travel to them to speak about MSA through a caregiver’s eyes.
I have had some photos put in our tiny newspaper. I have even introduced myself to the local paper company.
I am working at it; but I also feel stuck. How do I know these dreams of mine are real? Are they actually fantasy dreams? Is this something I can do?
I can’t sit around here waiting for my money to run out. I need a job. I guess in a way I am selfish now that I am almost sixty-one. I don’t want to try to take care of sick people any longer. I don’t want a job where I can be replaced at a tip of the hat. I want to be doing something for God, but yet finding peace within what I am doing.
This sounds pretty darn selfish doesn’t it? I should be thinking that any job that puts food on the table should be good enough for me. After all, who do I think I am? When I have these type of thoughts, I back off.
I remember my parents words about not acting like I am something I am not. My father’s famous words when I was little was, Children should be seen and not heard. Why can’t I be heard now that I am a grown-up? Why can’t I be noticed?
Hasn’t God given each of us a talent? My daughter tells me when ever we talk about this topic that my talent is in talking. I do admit she makes a good point.
I was the one in college that loved to get up first and talk about my speech in Public Speaking class. My grandmother used to tell me when I was five years old that I was a chatter box. She stated I never shut-up. So is this one of my talents; speaking?
So why can’t I find a way to use it? I have been suffering this weekend from mild depression. I have looked at everything in the negative. I have noticed how old I am. Too old to start something new. I don’t know anyone here. This town isn’t big enough for me. No one is really interested in MSA or my photographs.
Wow, I finally got down so bad that I was noticing every single ache and pain I was having. Eating was difficult to do, cooking was even worse. I felt ill inside.
My friend told me to listen to Joyce Meyers. Usually I do what she ask of me, and this was no different.
The topic I picked was Follow Your Dreams. She said we all need to dream. She said it was hard sometimes to make dreams happen. I agree with this.
So here I sit, a little more uplifted than earlier; but still don’t know what to do or where to go next. I wish God would tap me over the head and turn my head in the direction I need to head towards.
I know I have a dream, but now what.

I Felt Your Presence


There are times we all feel alone. We can be amongst others and feel alone.  I am one of those too, but last night was different. I knew I was not by myself.

It has done nothing here in my part of Indiana this week but rain. Not nice gentle rains that you want to sleep to. Instead we have had big thunders and plenty of lightning. Heavy rains.

Because I am not strong enough with my fingers I lost the portable gazebo in my yard. It has metal piping with those silver buttons that you push in on them to lower or stand it tall and keep it in place.

Because of my Diabetic Neuropathy in my hands I can not push hard enough to lower the gazebo down. My son scolded me telling me to lower the buttons. I explained that I can not do it. He told me he wasn’t running to me every time I needed help, so I lost the whole thing.

This was more than a gazebo to me. I purchased it last Spring when it was Al‘s birthday. I used it as a safe haven for him to be able to be out in the fresh air and free from flies and mosquitoes. I was so planning on being able to sit him out there this year in his wheel chair, but not now.

As I sat inside my safe haven, I was alone physically, but not actually. To those who think I am seeing things or may be a little crazy in my mind at 59, I want to assure you I am not. I prayed and asked God to stay with me during this storm. I prayed for his mercy.

Unfortunately where I live there are no storm shelter. There was when I moved in last year but the owner of the mobile home park has locked it up and swallowed the key, so to speak.

I was in a tornado once when I was at church camp. I was, I believe 10 or 11 years old. The girls dorm was completely wiped a way while I and many others sat safely in the tabernacle. So when severe thunderstorms and tornado watches arise here, I still feel a bit of fear.

When Al was here last year and we had storms I sort of forgot about the damages a storm can do. My thoughts instead went to Al wanting to keep him safe. Now, this year, I knew he was safe behind the brick walls. It was me who was frightened.

As I sat at my window with a candle near me and the police scanner on my Tablet playing I prayed. Take what you want Lord. None of it means anything to me. But please keep our home safe and me too. I need this home because my brother is coming home within weeks. Amen

The winds were bad and the lightning so bright. Thunders rolled through the skies. This wasn’t a baby storm either. Yet it was nothing like Oklahoma, but it still did damages here. I heard on the scanner that one car was actually under water to the hood here. The driver was able to escape.

Many trees and power lines were down all over town. As I watched the skies light up I have to admit I felt a bit of fear. It is amazing to me that I was not running for my life, getting in my car and driving to no where. I had a heavy blanket and a candle and my purse all in the bathroom waiting for the scanner to announce run for your life. We were also under a tornado watch.

This storm lasted from midnite to 4:30 in the morning. God answered my prayers. He kept me safe and my home safe, but he took the gazebo and branches. Our lights went off three times but I made it through with God’s existence within my house.

I finally was able to fall asleep and woke up at 10am. I saw sunshine immediately and was able to open windows again. But God wants me to remember that he is here with me always. His example for me is the sun is gone and it is clouding up again and becoming windy. We are in for more rains, but thankfully I am not alone.

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