The Attack Of Social Media

Esperanto: Nostalgia telefono kun pseŭdodisko.

Do you ever feel like you do not fit in? You know, does your phone ring often inviting you to this or not? Does your phone ring just because someone is dying to talk to you?

I can remember when I was a kid and the phone seemed to ring off the hook once Mom got home from work. Friends from her work were calling or her and Dad’s friends were calling inviting them to maybe go out to eat.

When I got married and had three children at home, life seemed to be a big spinning top. There was something always going on. I had one and then two good friends that I did things with that included our kids.

There was always something going on. School activities, sledding in the winter, swimming in the summer. Taking the kids to their friends houses. Grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning the house.

Then one day the one good friend and I had a difference of opinion that led into a life long separation. I was down to one friend. The kids grew up and started lives of their own. I ended up divorced and I started tuning into more television crap and drama.

The television taught me that the excitement was  found in being with other people. Drinking, bars, parties seemed to be quite popular. The way I looked was wrong according to the social media. I was not thin enough or tall enough. My hair products were not good enough. The right brand of make-up was not correct.

The media taught me that all of a sudden I was not good enough. For a long time I took the sound box and made it my own. I became quite aware of what God had made had many errors from the outer view.

I went through the outer change of life. I doctored the outer surface of me. I changed my

Typical scene in a Danish quayside bar in Juta...

hair. Cut colored, tried a different look of clothing. It drew me some new head’s turning from some guys. The problem was that it wasn’t the right kind of attention that I wanted.

I tried visiting the bar scene a few times. With only ordering my diet coke I could not be the life of the party as some seemed to be. I finally quit that. I instead turned to the internet. Seeking companionship and new friends through various chat rooms. I talked to this one guy for over six months. Through an error in his chat a  looked over fact came to sight. I was actually speaking to a girl.

I hate being lied to. It is my biggest pet peeve in the whole wide world. It takes no time at all to give someone my trust, but it takes for ever to earn trust back. I dug myself in my work caring for others. I worked many hours. When I would go home to my box size apartment, there was my computer waiting for me. I went about my business of doing the shopping thing and visiting my friend, but basically I spent my time with myself.

Now years later, New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day are the two ultimate days when I think about how I am alone. Other than that I have pretty much determined that I like being alone.

There are times I wish for a date or someone to go out to dine with, I am not going to lie. Getting married is out of the picture for me. I don’t want the training of a mate anymore, lol. I like being my own boss.

Writing has introduced me to so many people. I have gained the friendship of many. I have been blessed to have friendships that have gone even deeper. Meeting each other, phone conversations.

I don’t know why the media is based on a number. If there is any of us who have the slightest doubt of who we are, we can fall prey so easily to the hype and start feeling bad about ourselves.

Thanks to writing I have accepted there are things I can change. I can change my health to a point. I can get this body more fit. I didn’t say thin or glamorous , but fit. I can lower my blood sugars. I can even change the style and color of my hair.

But the fact is I can not change what I was made up of. My genes, my thought process is pretty much mine. I own it. I have discovered that I don’t need lots of friends. I have a few real close ones. I don’t need to drink, because truth be said, I hate the taste of the stuff. I don’t need to fit in, because I was already made perfect in God’s eyes, so I fit in just fine in his eyes.

I like going to bed when I feel like it. I like the silence of my life. I get plenty of noise when I go see Al. I get laughter when my family comes to visit. My phone does ring and it is friends who want to just talk. I am who I am. I help others when I can. I actually think the social media almost destroyed me, but thankfully I saw the light before it was too late.

Today, I will tinker around my house. Maybe change my sheets. I will do a load of laundry. I definitely will write. I probably will take a nap. I choose not to go out today, unless I get an invitation. I boiled some eggs and will make egg salad for supper. I will listen to some Piano Guy music.

It is alright, in fact it is fantastic, to say the words out loud. To jump and yell yes! I love being me. I like who I am. I go through valleys and mountains of course. But what is great about it is I have all of you to stand by me through the disappointments and joys of life. How much better can it be?

English: Krakow - jump on the Main Square Pols...


God Will Not Let Me Down

Hello? Hello? I ask, what number are you calling please? I hear hello? Is this the person who wants help? I call in regard to your help ad. I find out within a minute that this is not the person for us. Only 17 years old, and has never had any experience. I thank her for calling, and tell her I need someone with more experience. The next phone call the speaker is so soft-spoken, I can barely hear. I am calling about the ad that you have in the paper? I am looking for some work. This lady, bless her heart, is 70 years old and wants something to do with her spare time. I fell in love with her spirit, but knew she could not handle a quick fall and his chatter may not be heard. The next call is from a high school student. She sounds very nice. I can hear her. She is wanting to work when she has time. She is involved with many school activities and has a part-time job after school. She doesn’t drive yet, so I would have to go pick her up and take her home. If I was going to have to take him out to go get her, I may as well take him with me. The phone rang a few more times, but I just didn’t feel a comfort here with the callers. The phone became silent for several hours before it rang again. Here was a young lady, who had some experience, but she needed to bring her three young children with her. This made me sad, as I think she may have worked out, but children and my brother never mix well. He picks more, gets agitated, and it isn’t worth the worry I would go through once I left the house. The phone went silent, so I took advantage of it and called a couple of home health care agencies in town. They were more than willing to help, as long as I needed a RN for skilled care. This wasn’t the case here. I was looking for someone to sit with him, so I could have time for myself, away from the care and situation. I next made a call to the government office, to see what they covered, and to my disappointment, only skilled care. I was wanting something for myself, for me, and they don’t cover anything for the caregiver. This upset me, because my selfish thoughts were, I NEED A BREAK!!  I got off the phone, and the phone rang before I set the phone in its cradle. This was a person, that sounded good. She had experience. She was of the right age. She would be glad to play a game, or watch TV with him. She would even fix his lunch if I was gone over the meal time. I asked her if she could come out to meet him at a certain time, and she said she would be here. I hung up, a feeling of excitement rising inside of me. This would allow me to go get my brother’s birthday gift without him being present, and to get some out-door flowers for around the yard. I prepared his lunch, and tidied up the house a bit. Changed my clothes, and both, him and I, waited for her arrival. She never showed up. Wow! What a disappointment. My heart sunk. He went back to his room, to take his nap. I sat on the couch, and I began to cry. Not much, just a couple of tears. I don’t usually cry anymore about anything in life, but this did produce a tear or two. I needed help. I love my brother more than life itself, but I need a break, and so does he. If you were to ask him if he was getting tired of only seeing my face, he would grin and shake his head yes.  I got on bended knee, and tell


telephone (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

God of my feelings and frustrations. I asked him for his help. He held out his hands to me and I placed my worries on him. The phone is still silent. My faith has to carry me through this. It is only a matter of time, before God will make the phone ring, answering my prayer.