Ten Minutes to Midnite and Al had a Visitor

I am not writing this to put anyone in a sad mode nor for any other reason than I have been alone with Al since before supper last night and I am just beat. This is one of those posts that is for me to just get it out in the open instead of reliving it.

Last night wasn’t that bad. Things didn’t begin to get worse until 11:50pm. Yes, ten minutes before the new year kicked in. I was sort of listening to the New Year’s Eve program and Al was watching Dave Letterman.

All of a sudden Al calls me in his room in the loudest voice I have heard out of him in some time. I went in and he said, ” Look, we have a visitor.” I looked around but I didn’t see anyone.

He went on with, ” Right here, beside me. Look beside me.” I looked but didn’t see a thing. Although I will admit I caught my breath and the hairs on my arms stood straight up.

Jesus is here.” I was speechless. Al went on to tell me that Jesus was sitting right beside him just watching him. Then suddenly Al began praying. I could make out some words he was saying but he was talking so soft that I struggled to hear.

I could hear him saying, ” Please take me home. Please take me home. I am sick. I want to go home”. This praying went on for about ten minutes. The clock was ticking down to midnight. I was holding Al’s hand while the people on the TV were laughing and having a good time. Then the numbers started. !0,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1, Happy New Year.

Al quit breathing. My heart was racing. I looked all around the room but saw nor felt anything, but I knew without a doubt Al was seeing and having a conversation with God right there in front of me.

Finally he gasped and took a deep breath. Had he almost gone to heaven with Jesus? Had his heart decided to stop for a moment? I don’t know what happened but then it was over.

Al laid silent and I stood beside him stroking his hand. It seemed we were this way for sometime. He went to sleep and I went to bed going over in my mind what had just happened.

It felt weird. The world was moving into a new year and yet I remained glued to 2013. Time was speeding by me and yet standing still.

He was restless last night during the night. I was up with him several times. His hands and fingers are pretty swollen today. I don’t know if it is from his hands contracting or if it is his MSA or heart. The nurse will be here tomorrow and I shall be asking, although she will most likely notice it right away.

So here it is 2014. The hopes are brought into this new day. My hope is still that Al finds peace sooner than later.

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Are You Wondering?


I bet you have wondered the helper and Al and I got along today. Well, it was freaking fantastic! She jumped right in. She has a great personality. Al and her got a long very well. She changed him. She helped with every thing I taught her today. She fed him breakfast and lunch. She changed his brief.

I actually cleaned the house with barely any interruptions. I did lay down but couldn’t sleep. I did watch Christmas Bride on the Hallmark movie station. I have no new aches.

Best thing that has happened in our lives in weeks. Help, someone to talk to Al, a loving soul who took her time and  showed Al she cared and all this on the first day. The next best thing is she is coming back tomorrow. I am keeping my fingers tightly crossed.crossed fingers

Little Black Dress

black dressOf course I have the TV on almost 24/7. I have to or else listen to the silence. I also switch between the boob tube and the Christmas music.

The commercial for the Little Black Dress for shopping at Goodwill stores always makes me laugh inside. Why you ask? What is wrong with that dress you ask?

Nothing for the right kind of person. Can you picture me wearing my little black dress changing Al‘s brief?black dress 2black dress 3 What about cleaning the bathroom in my little black dress.

I just think at this time the elegant, sexy, slimming black dress isn’t for me. Some day it may be but not right now. I would feel much more comfy doing the work I do now in my comfy clothes.maxine 2

Hey, if you love me in my comfy clothes, then you will really love me in m Little Black Dress.

Making Memories

Last weekend on Hallmark station the Christmas movies began. I refused to watch any of them. After all it is weeks before Christmas morning. Even as I sit here staring at what I think is our beautiful tree.

This weekend has started out pretty good. Al hasn’t gotten out of bed but it’s alright. It is warm but windy outside. I keep seeing leaves fluttering outside the window, reminding me of winter coming.

It was almost like a silent rebel inside of me. I knew those movies were on. The feel good, family, love, everyone happy movies. I left my TV off most of the day, but this forced me to listen to Al’s TV which had football games on. Sorry friends I am not a football fan.

Then I did it. I flipped the TV on and turned it to the station, Hallmark. There it was staring me in the face. Pretty snow flakes, smiling faces, people getting engaged. Wow, I was starting to feel like a real Scrooge.

I didn’t like that conclusion but I didn’t like the sadness that ripped across my heart either. Tender memories of Mom and Dad. Hustle and bustle of trimming trees, sharing holidays with the entire family. Wow, once again I felt like I had went from a feeling of seven down to a two.

What nonsense I was doing to myself. Mom and Dad wouldn’t want me sulking and missing out on making more memories. I want to fall in love again and yet I refused to watch someone else experiencing that feeling.

Was I jealous? Maybe, not sure. I have a family of my own. My brother, and three kids, their kids and two new ones coming next year. Why am I wasting time on past memories that make me sad? Of course there is never a day I don’t think of our parents, but life moves forward and I need to try too.

I have not turned the TV off, I have watched from my cozy couch or from the stove while cooking Al and me supper movie after movie. A part of me feels lighter, happier. The holidays are coming whether we like it or not.

People will celebrate in what ever form they are accustomed to. I refuse to sit here and dwell on what was or worry about whether Al is going to be here at Christmas. I am working with all of my human power to enjoy today.

Today with Al, tomorrow with tossing leaves, cooler weather, snowflakes that will fall, Thanksgiving with which ever kids show up and Christmas, a time of making new and better memories and giving thanks for baby Jesus being born.




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